Waiting for a proposal

What do you mean a while?


It took us 6 years to get engaged. Due to multiple reasons. Age, jobs, academy, not financially stable, wanted to live with each other first.
Trust me though I wanted it a lot sooner, but I just kind of dealt with it and knew it wasn’t going to happen for a while.

You can propose!

No laws or rules state that in a straight couple t he guy has to propose and the girl can't. A girl proposal doesn't make the engagement or the upcoming mariage unvalid, you know.

My fiancé didn't propose and I didn't either because we knew we would get married one day, even before moving in together. We only discussed the date and we 'agreed' that we were officially engaged when we set our wedding date and our overall budget.

However, in a case where we hadn't discussed marriage often and had he waited for top long I know for sure I would have proposed to him! We discussed women proposal after the fact and he told me, had I proposed to him, he would have been psyched and couldn't care less what his family and friends think about it LOL,.

View Quoted Comment We’ve been together for 4 years

View Quoted Comment I agree you could propose to him. However I definitely feel you should discuss this with him and see how he feels about you taking the initiative. Some guys are really put off by it others feel super relieved that you took the pressure off them.

I proposed to my FH without a ring, we picked one out together and then just announced it to friends and family. He wanted me to propose to him lol

Personally I don’t think there is a timeline for things like this. If you love him and he loves you then you just need to be patient. If you’re push or rush things it might not end up working out. My son and his wife were together 8 years before he proposed and now they have a beautiful life and my daughter’s fiancée waited 5 years to propose to her. I think sometimes people try to push things too hard to happen and as long as the relationship is good, then why keep pushing? Things will happen when they are suppose to. Have faith.

There really is no timeline and could be a million other factors. We were together 7 years before he proposed. And we are in our 30s. But we have a house. And financial responsibilities. And we wanted to travel. A wedding is expensive. So he hesitated. I never thought it meant he wasn't all in. Maybe just talk to him.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I see women all the time pushing to get that ring. One girl on social media is always tagging her boyfriend in marriage post with hint hint above it. I feel like telling her chill it's going to happen just be patient.

I can so relate! I definitely feel like I'm ready for the next step now but I know he isn't quite there yet. He said it would probably another year yet before he's ready to propose but he's been talking to different jewelers to get an idea of cost so that makes me happy to know he's thinking about it a little bit. And I'm using the wait as an opportunity to start putting aside some money every month specifically for a wedding to be more prepared down the road.


If you know he's your person then just enjoy the time you're spending with him and enjoy this stage of your relationship and try to focus on other things/hobbies for the time being. Both parties should feel 100% ready when it comes to a proposal/marriage... try not to stress, it'll all happen in good time! Perhaps there are just other milestones or goals he wants to hit before he'll feel ready to propose

I felt somewhat similarly to how you are feeling right before my FH proposed. In reality, my FH had already picked out the ring and was trying to hold off on talking about because he was hiding his plans for proposing until he could pick it up from the jeweler.



You need to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about the stage of your relationship to find out if you are both on the same page about if you are ready for marriage and, like others have said, how he would feel about you proposing.

Simply have a talk with him and see what his plans are as far as getting married. I wouldn't press the issue though

View Quoted Comment

This.

FH and I were together almost 7 years before he proposed, and trust me....I pushed to get that ring too but I could also tell that he was getting frustrating with me bringing it up. We've talked about getting married, and although I was ready, we as a couple weren't especially financially. You may feel that you both are ready, but HE has to be ready too.

It's hard when you see others around you moving forward in life, and you may feel stuck in one place, but it's important to understand that everyone is on their own timeline. Just because Sue and Bob got engaged a year into dating, doesn't mean your relationship is failing because it's been 4 years and you haven't taken the next step.

I totally get it. I was so upset when I learned my husband's brother and his wife were getting engaged. They were together half the time we were. When my husband told me his brother was planning on proposing, I sobbed in our bathroom because I really wanted to be the one to get engaged. I didn't know it at the time, but my husband already had the ring and was planning on proposing two days after his brother. My husband and his brother planned both engagement around their mom's sixth birthday party because all of the family would be in town. Neither knew of the others plan to propose until plans were already in place. My advice is to be patient because you never know when or where it will happen. I certainly didn't expect my husband to propose two days after his brother.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this as well as many other posters. Every couple has their own timeline. My husband and I were together for about 5 years when we got engaged. And our engagement was born out of a conversation about our future together. We were discussing our goals for the next few years or so, and we both agreed that marriage was apart of that. So, we decided we were engaged. He did get me a ring later, because he felt I should have one. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship and a marriage. You both need to be on the same page.

Have you actually had a conversation about marriage?
There is no set timeline on getting engaged and married. From what I've seen with my friends and myself is that the partner that wants to propose is checking off a list a goals (a certain salary, buying a house, paying of debt ect) that they feel need to be accomplished before getting married.

Perhaps you can stop bringing it up and let things happen naturally and not feel forced. Regularly repeating something is annoying (no matter what the topic is). From his perspective, it might feeling like nagging and become a turn off.


In my case, I had absolutely NO idea (zero knowledge) that my FH was going to propose. We hadn’t looked at rings, which is usually the first indication. But nope! We went on a trip to Hawaii in 2019 and on the second day he pulled out the ring, got on his knee and proposed. Let me tell you…. I LOVED being 10000% surprised!!!! It was pure, unexpected excitement! It felt so special and much better than looking at rings and then waiting and thinking that every single moment he’s going to propose. I found out that evening that he had already told my parents his plan for our Hawaii trip.
But, all that to say… remain in the moment. Just relax and enjoy your relationship without the worry and pressure. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen and that’s when it will be best. No one wants a proposal that feels like it came out of being pressured.

I told my fiancé when we started dating that if he didn’t know and feel good about this heading toward marriage after a year of dating, then I would be moving on. Fast forward to 10 months in, he says he knows he wants to marry me. Then I told him that if a proposal wasn’t forthcoming in the next year, I would be moving on. Fast forward 5 months, he proposed.


This might sound harsh to some people, but it’s your life and you are entitled to set boundaries with people who are using up the time within your life. Some people might advise you to propose, but I would not do that. He’s the man… even with the changing tides, he still knows he is “supposed” to be and has been conditioned to be the one doing the proposing. If he wants to and is ready, he will. If you’re already worried about pressuring him, I don’t see how being the one will alleviate that feeling.
All of that said, he is probably just comfortable so you need to state your boundaries and be willing to follow through on them. I’m sure if he knows that you are no longer comfortable with where you are at, he will do it if he wants to keep you.
Speak up. As Steve Harvey says, this is YOUR life. You have a right to know what’s going on in YOUR life.

Oh, also wanted to add to my previous comment, my fiancé was clear that he never once felt pressured by me. This part is important.


These things tend to work out when both people are on the same page about all of the moving pieces. My fiancé was just as interested in marriage as I was from the day we met, and he also felt like it would not need to drag on forever when he met the right one. He also wanted children ASAP and didn’t see the point in a long engagement. I’d speculate that it can also work in the other direction, when both parties are super relaxed about taking their time and one person isn’t just sitting around waiting forever for a proposal.
If he feels pressured by you giving him a timeline, or if he reads it as an ultimatum, then he isn’t ready and he isn’t the one (assuming marriage is a deal-breaker for you, which I am guessing it is, at least deep down)

This is your life, too. You can wait around forever for something that may or may not happen. Or you can talk to him about

-if he wants to get married
-if he wants to marry you-by when he'd like to get married-by when he'd like to be formally engaged
Make sure you're on the same page about your mutual future

I'd say just talk to him about it openly. While our goal together was to work towards marriage, we didn't both feel ready until about 4 years in, and even after that it took 9 months for my fiancé to propose after mutually agreeing we were ready. The important thing is that the whole time we were together we were open about our expectations of the other as a couple. If you believe you're ready, but he's not, then together you are not ready. I felt I was finally ready around 3.5 years in, but fiancé was hesitant about a couple of things so we worked them out together and discussed everything again around the 4 year mark.