Waiting for a proposal

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This comment is soooo important! Everyone is at a different stage in life so what works for one couple wouldn't work for another. When I read your first comment that you wanted to be ready for marriage after a year I thought back to when I met my FH and laughed. We were no where near there, but you and your fiancé were and that's so great that you found your person who was on the same timeline as you!

View Quoted Comment Haha thanks! It helps that we are in our thirties now! I could not have imagined being this ready or sure in my twenties like some people are.

Propose to him.

There are many past posts on the forum where a woman has a date she says she will leave if he doesn’t take the action. But if you both love each other and are discussing marriage why leave it completely up to him to ask?

I went thru this with my husband. i wanted to kind of get a better timeline for where he was at and although there's no definite answer, it would help ME to feel like he's trying to prepare his future with me ya know

View Quoted Comment This is just my opinion, obviously OP should do what she feels is best, but I feel like the person more loathe to commit (often the man) should be the one doing the proposing. It’s an affirmative step from him that he wants this as well, and isn’t just along for the ride.

FH & I were "together and dating" for almost 11 years before he proposed. Like the other posters said ~ you both have to be in the "right" place. We met & became neighbors while he was married a few years later SHE left him and in doing so really "broke" him (financially & emotionally) for about a year after she left we were nothing more than friends/neighbors who were there for each other. Our kids liked playing together (I had been separated for 5+years my divorce took over 6 more years from that point). I guess what I am getting at is our relationship was VERY slow to evolve into a romantic one. For the first few years he was "all about I am NEVER getting married again". Which was OK with me (although I long ago realized that NEVER is a VERY long time and sometimes that word will bite you later ~ LOL). Fast (or slow really) forward to NYE 2019 he asked me to go look at "rings" (as in engagement rings) to get some idea of what I might like (this was a huge shock to me mind you) ~ my main partner in this "shopping" was my middle daughter (who was in her 20's with a live in BF ~ my FH & I still don't live together and we are getting married on 7*14*21). Apparently, we went ring shopping soooooo much her then BF & now Husband proposed to her at Thanksgiving dinner that year! (they were married on 3-14-21), COVID and almost another year passed before FH proposed (just before Thanksgiving last year) ~ AND after he proposed he got in a great big hurry & wanted to get THIS July all while we were in the midst of the continuing saga that is COVID & planning & preparing for my daughters wedding in March!

For a LOT of folks it would be unreasonable to "wait" 11 years but for us & our relationship it really didn't feel like a long time we have very much enjoyed the evolution of "us" (the worst part for me was at some point last year I KNEW he had "the ring" ~ since we shopped together & went to pick it up together ~ but I had no idea when I would have it or when he would propose (he wouldn't have been happy IF I had proposed ~ he is really old school in that regard ~ case & point he is very proud that we don't live together & won't be moving in until we are officially married).

We were together for 6 years before he proposed. I did feel the levels of anxiousness because I really wanted to be married to him, but we had talked through things along the way. He wanted to propose years ago, but our housing situation ended up needing more attention and we decided to buy a house instead of renting because it ended up working out to be cheaper, and the ring got put on hold. Then we rescued a dog and found out she had heartworms, which can be costly to treat, so he took the money he had saved for a ring and used it towards her treatments knowing that our dog's health was more important than a ring (which I fully agree with!). So life happened but eventually he proposed and it was perfect and I couldn't be any happier, and having to wait isn't even a thought in my head anymore. It'll happen when it's meant to happen!

View Quoted Comment Yeah I agree I would never propose to him

View Quoted Comment I 100% agree with this. I would have never proposed to my man. I just feel like first some guys can be put off by it and second is believe it or not some guys actually look forward to it, like they get excited about what ring they are going to get, how they are going to set up the day and how they will propose. Me Im old school and so is my SO and we believe the man should be the one to propose, I'm not saying it should be that way for everyone but at least for our relationships this is what we both believe. I also don't think you should push the subject to much cause you can end up with one of two things happen, either he gets annoyed with you pressuring him to do something that he may not be ready for and leaves or he gives you what I like to call a shut up ring. One of my friends kept hounding her boyfriend to marry her and then he finally proposed, then she hound him to set a date, they have had multiple dates set and when she almost starts to set things in stone he'd be like no we need a longer engagement. They did finally get married only to get divorced a few months later. You can question him about the subject and at least see where his heads at but I wouldn't keep bugging him.

If you love him, and want to marry, why haven't you proposed to him? Love should not be a one way street.

How old are you guys?

View Quoted Comment We’re both 20