Waiting on Rsvp. What to do when it’s a future in law

Typically you do not reach out to people until after the RSVP date has passed. Then you call everyone who has not responded to confirm whether they will be attending or declining. If there’s some strained relationships, I would let your fiancé handle it how he chooses, as it is his family.

No, don't push it. The family got the invitation and reminder. Anything further and you leave your fiance open to another rejection. Many people hope weddings can heal families, but it really is just a party.

I would let your fiancé handle his family from here. You've sent an invitation and a reminder. He can decide if he wants further contact. If you don't hear from them, assume they aren't coming. I'm sorry it's so tough for him.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Hannah

View Quoted Comment Thank you Jacks

View Quoted Comment Thank you LM

Assume they, or anyone else who didn’t RSVP aren’t coming at your own risk. Mail can be lost, people can forget they never replied or assume they are immediate family and don’t have to formally respond. The very last thing you need is unexpected guests or a scene.


It’s no big deal, just call to see whether they intend to be there or not and keep it civil. If FI doesn’t want to do it, you can.

I would wait for a few days after the RSVP deadline and then give them a call. You and your fiance obviously want them at your wedding and they might just need extra encouragement. You might just express to them how much you would love to have them there to celebrate. Kindness has a way of softening hardened hearts. I hope this turns out to be a healing event for everyone involved.

View Quoted Comment All due respect, i don't think that's obvious at all. It sounds like they're adults that don't talk at all, don't expect acknowledgement, and your fiance wouldn't even extend a phonecall follow-up. Most likely it's an obligatory invite because of blood relation. There's many WW posts expressing disappointment and regrets from extending such invitations.


OP, there's nothing wrong with having adult boundaries. Respect your future spouse's and take their lead because it's their sensitive history. But, first wait for the deadline to pass.

If you haven’t heard from them by Sunday, I would give them a courtesy phone call; as is protocol.

Don’t send reminders before the due date. Wait until the afternoon of the due date, after you have tallied all the ones that come rushing in the mail last minute, and then you go down the list calling those who didn’t rsvp. Don’t hang up until they confirm yes or no. If they couldn’t make the effort to reply on time with the rsvp card, they will also ignore you asking to call them back. If you can’t reach someone by Monday evening, they are marked as a no.

I seem to be in the minority on a lot of the issues raised here, but my take:


For goodness sake, these are your fiancé’s parents you’re asking about (even if the relationship they have with your fiancé could be better). Pick up the phone and call them after telling your faience you will be doing so.

I would wait until after the RSVP date... if they do not answer, ask your fiancé if he minds if you call them. You should do that with everyone who hasn't RSVP'd if you are doing it for them. That way you'll get a direct answer!

I would not call them or try to encourage a reconciliation. As someone who also has a painful relationship with someone in my immediate family, I would be upset if my fiancé tried to involve that person in our wedding plans any further than what I requested or was willing to be involved in.


Having said that, there’s nothing wrong with sitting down with your fiance and asking him how he feels about their not RSVPing and potentially not coming. Having that honest and open communication could encourage healing for your FH, even if it doesn’t include a stronger relationship with those family members or even if it doesn’t include them coming to the wedding. But I definitely wouldn’t take matters into your own hands. Just make space for him to open up to you about it, which may be all the healing he needs.

I agree this needs to be your fiancé’s call. Sit down and have a conversation about if he wants them there or how he wants you to handle it. Let him know that it’s standard to contact people who haven’t RSVP’d by the deadline and ask him if he’s okay with you doing that, if he’d rather do it, or if he wants you to skip it entirely. Remember, your job is not to push for any particular response but see what HE wants and support him in that.