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Super June 2021

Was my dad wrong for not putting his phone in the phone bowl?

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Elizabeth, on March 10, 2021 at 12:46 PM

Okay so this happened a while ago but just came up in the family group chat so I want to know what everyone thinks.

At my cousins wedding, they had a phone bowl for during the ceremony. 20 min before the ceremony, the MOH came around and told each of us that we had to put our phone in the phone bowl for the ceremony. I did it because I'm just one of those people who goes with things, but my dad refused. The MOH told the MOB, who came over to press my dad, but he wouldn't budge. Eventually my dad said he would leave if this was really a requirement, so they dropped it.
I asked my dad why he didn't want to give it and he said he was an adult and it was his phone, he would respect the request not to take pictures but he wouldn't give it away. He also said he has his phone for a reason because 3 of his children weren't at the wedding and he would not ever miss a call from a child.
Well turns out my aunt is still mad about this. She resents that my dad "made a scene" and couldn't give up his phone for a half hour. She said he acted like he was too good for the rules.
I can kind of see both sides. It's not a long time to give up your phone to make someone happy. But also my dad seriously does pick up every call from his wife and kids-- he used to be in a higher ranking government job (was retired by wedding) and he answered calls with me during meetings with heads of state.
(Also fwiw I don't think my dad made a scene. He never raised his voice or used bad language. But people did notice what was happening because it was in the middle of the aisle)
What do you guys think? Who was wrong, if anyone?

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54 Comments

Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on March 10, 2021 at 2:13 PM
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While I’m kind of with your dad — I would not give up my phone on principle and I think it is rude to ask or expect this of your guests— I’m actually not at all behind his reasoning. If you’re a guest at a wedding and your phone rings (even if it is on silent!) I think it would be rude/wrong/terrible to TAKE THE CALL during the 30 minute ceremony— like even if it doesn’t make any noise and you just quietly slip out the back for your call, it’s disrespectful to the couple getting married. I know that he didn’t, but if answering the phone if it rings is the premise behind not giving up the phone, I’m not behind that. Adults should absolutely be able to keep possession of their phones, but they should also be willing to turn those phones off during a wedding ceremony.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on March 10, 2021 at 2:14 PM
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Absolutely agree with this, most people are sheep who follow what the crowd does. If more than just your dad stood against this more people would have to.

However with my family I know nobody would follow this rule and would have not been so nice about it either when pressed.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 10, 2021 at 2:17 PM
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Very few people in reality would take the call in the middle of the wedding. A teenager most likely would. Adults with on call jobs unable to get time off will let it go to voicemail and be aware of the environment they are in.
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Expert May 2016
needmorewine · on March 10, 2021 at 2:42 PM
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Your dad was completely in the right and the phone bowl was totally rude. They have no right to confiscate people's personal property like that, especially expensive property that can contain sensitive information. What would have happened if someone's phone ended up being damaged or stolen because of this nonsense? Would your cousin and aunt have willingly paid for repairs or a replacement? Likely not.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on March 10, 2021 at 2:42 PM
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The phone bowl was wrong. Ridic
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 10, 2021 at 2:49 PM
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Not to mention unless you have an antiquated flip phone or easily recogniable phone case, it would get mistaken for someone else's. Again treat people like responsible adults.
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Devoted May 2022
Tory · on March 10, 2021 at 2:55 PM
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I absolutely think that your aunt was the one that was making a scene if anything. I completely understand not wanting people to have distractions or feel the urge to pull their phone out during the ceremony, but I also think it’s very childish to have a community bowl for people to place their phones in like they can’t be trusted to hold it themselves and not pull it out. As your dad said he’s a grown adult and he only would’ve pulled it out if it had been an emergency or if someone had called and he needed to check in that everything was okay. I just think that they should’ve understood that your dad is a responsible man and never would’ve caused a distraction from their day with the phone, and if he didn’t then I don’t see what the problem is
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 10, 2021 at 2:59 PM
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It's possible he would have texted and asked if everything was okay, but more likely he would have picked up. He always assumes its an emergency so he never misses a call from my siblings or my mom. He definitely wasn't turning it off. Luckily nobody called
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 10, 2021 at 3:01 PM
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To clarify, he would never ever have spoken during the ceremony. He would have stepped out and called back if he did. I am assuming he would pick up because he always has, but maybe he would have let it go to VM and checked after.

I did have a younger sibling who almost died at the age of 4, so maybe that's why he never ignores a call?
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 10, 2021 at 3:01 PM
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Yeah I have my ID and credir cards in the back of my phone. I guess I didn't even think of what I would do if someone took them
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Expert November 2021
Sara · on March 10, 2021 at 3:06 PM
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The concept of a phone bowl is completely ridiculous. I would never agree to put my expensive Iphone in one of those! I'm an adult and if someone can't trust me to silence and put away my phone, what is going on?
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Expert April 2021
Melody · on March 10, 2021 at 3:23 PM
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I honestly think my brain broke at the absurdity of the "phone bowl" request.... It's honestly just so rude to treat your guests like they can't be trusted and also potentially put some people in a really horrible position. My FH is a plumber and is on call every 3rd weekend. If we were guests at a wedding on that weekend, he wouldn't be able to just toss his phone in a bowl and not think about it. I have severe anxiety and being asked to throw my phone into a bowl filled with other phones that look just like mine and where it could be damaged would probably send me into a panic attack on the spot. What about parents who left their kids with a sitter? If there's an emergency with their child, the parents need their phones on them. I may not completely agree with all of your dad's reasons, but I definitely agree with his actions. Your aunt is definitely in the wrong here, but it sounds like she wouldn't admit to that. If she won't let it go, don't let her immaturity hold you back.
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Savvy July 2021
Ingrid · on March 10, 2021 at 3:43 PM
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Like all the other comments, I am too on your dad's side. I have seen the phone bowl idea for parties and other events but I'm honestly not really a fan of it. I think maybe it would be a good idea if they made it optional, and the guests would choose if they wanted to put the phone there or not. I find it weird to make people put their phones in there, like some other comments said, it's as if they were treating the guests as children. A simple reminder to silence phones and not take them out for pictures will do for most, if not all of the adults. I think it's ridiculous that she is still mad about it.. She should at least understand that he had kids at home, and he needed his phone just in case anything happened.
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Dedicated August 2021
Lw · on March 10, 2021 at 4:04 PM
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Why did they make adults give up their phones? That is crazy. I get the signs of no pictures and asking everyone to make sure phones are on silent. I’m totally with your dad on this one.
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Super July 2023
Eniale · on March 10, 2021 at 4:05 PM
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I'll be the voice of dissention: not at all on your dad's side on this one.
If someone had said to me, "I'll leave if you have a problem with me not complying," I'd have said, there's the door, then.
Whether I agree with the phone bowl is beyond the point. If you are going to threaten non-attendance, then I don't want you there anyway. "I'm getting my way or I'm leaving"? Good. Go.
Honestly, sounds like everyone in this situation is childish.
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Devoted June 2021
Liz · on March 10, 2021 at 4:52 PM
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I’m in the Dad camp on this. Would I have given my phone yes, but I wouldn’t have liked it. I’m an adult and if you say no pictures I will abide, but basically your telling me you don’t trust me if your taking away my phone!
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Dedicated March 2021
Annika · on March 10, 2021 at 5:16 PM
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I’m with your dad! I’d also feel like a child if they asked me to put my phone is a phone bowl. I respect couples wishes and I’m not very active on social media anyway. But I’d still want to keep my device with me. What if my phone broke after being in that stupid bowl? Who’d cover it?
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on March 10, 2021 at 6:09 PM
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This 100%!

I am also Team Dad.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 10, 2021 at 6:28 PM
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I understand why people want to collect phones. Because, truly, half of most people's friends and family cannot resist sneaking and using the phone ( really rude.) But actually, it is wrong to require someone doing no wrong to give up his property, and personal security of info on his phone, because other people cannot be trusted.
The person with the basket should have backed right down as soon as he promissd not to take pics, or make calls, whatever.
Go into a nice restaurant where the Junior League have their meetings, and collect their engagement or cocktail rings, just for an hour. Put them in a basket off to the side. See how much quiet cooperation you get. Dad's phone itself may have cost $800-1400.If someone took dad's phone from the basket, all kinds of personal info and codes and passwords may have been easy to discover, and privacy lost. Women with$200 and $500 rings and $40,000 rings would say, no way. Why shouldn't he.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 10, 2021 at 6:41 PM
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I don't know anyone on call for anything who does not set their phone to vibrate, and visual voicemail, so they can read the incoming message, at least 20 times a week, and maybe always, just as with old pagers. They are rarely the problem.
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