Wasn’t originally invited to friend of 18 years wedding

Is she having a tiny COVID wedding?

View Quoted Comment It was originally 75 people, but I was offended because I’m having 75 people as well and she was one of the first 10 people I put on my list! - she’s also been 100% aware my guest count is the same as hers!

My MOH had the space to invite me and my SO to her small affair, but chose not to. We’ve known each other for years. Our engagements overlapped as well. I get it, with her, but she wasn’t flaky about it. She just said she wanted small and she’s my friend so I get it. No hard feelings.
Maybe something to keep in mind is how big their families are. If I hadn’t had a falling out with my family 18months prior to my wedding I wouldn’t have been able to invite friends- my SO and I have large families and then to pick and choose friends in the few seats that were left? Not something that I would have wanted to do.
I think if she’s important to you, have her in your party still- but for your own sanity you need to be able to let go of how you’re feeling about it now.

View Quoted Comment I think I would’ve been okay if she would’ve been straight up from the beginning and just called me and explained. To my knowledge her family isn’t large at all. I’m working on letting go of it for my own sanity but it really hurt my feelings! It also doesn’t help that my fiancé is really defensive when it comes to me (he saw how upset it made me) and doesn’t particularly want to invite her anymore. He and I both realize it’s 100% my choice tho 🙄

That’s tough. I agree with the PP that it does get awkward when wedding lists are small. I’m going to not invite some that I was in the wedding for, but it’s only because my family takes up 80 of our 150 spots. If you’ve already asked her, it will be friendship ending to uninvite her. 18 years is a long time, I would have a conversation with her and tell her how you feel before walking away from the friendship.

If you’ve been friends for that long, it seems like you should be able to have an honest conversation and ask why you were a last minute choice and let her know how you felt. You don’t know her reasons, and she doesn’t know how it effected you. I would be really upset too, so I get it. Just talk it out and see how you feel afterward.

View Quoted Comment Is it too late to have that conversation if it’s been 2-3 months now? I’ve been friendly but distant since, but haven’t truly explained how I feel!

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No way, it’s never too late! Just let her know you were debating whether or not to say something, but figured you should since it’s been on your mind and you want things to be in a good place. A true friend would get it and should be open to your feelings.

Unless she has a huge family where 75 ppl consists of just that alone, this is super shady

View Quoted Comment The family def doesn’t take up all the space - she’s having 5 bridesmaids that are friends! 🙄

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Then Iʻm really sorry but this is not a 2-way friendship. You deserve better.

Don't let 18 years go for one seemingly thoughtless action. Read here. It is not uncommon to have a guest list of 100, have 50 family plus 20 SO,have parents claim 5 couples, a table of friends each, and find the bride and groom stuck with only 10 people of their choice, just 5 couples, including their bridal party. While other have 10 family, and 50 more friend slots. They may have had terrible pressure and little choice. She accepted being BM, not an uncaring thing.

View Quoted Comment I 100% agree with this. You don't know her situation. You should still have her in your wedding. Maybe she wasn't lucky enough to get to invite much friends like you. Remember weddings aren't a tic for tac thing. If you been friends for that long you should have an honest conversation with her about it.

It sounds like communication wasn’t great but a few things to consider: does she do things like that often? I have a few friends who are notoriously bad at communication, so I take a different stance with them & realize it comes with being friends with them. But you also don’t know her exact situation. Everyone has different family sizes, and there are two families involved. She may also have had pressure from family to invite certain people (for example, if she was getting help to pay for it, that money often comes with the expectation that the person paying has a larger portion of the invite list).


Wedding planning is tough, & expensive. I would definitely have a calm chat about how this made you feel, but a wedding is one day & friendships are for much longer.

View Quoted Comment I just wish as friends of 18 years she would’ve communicated her situation with me. I would’ve 100% understood if she would’ve talked to me about it. It was just hurtful that she didn’t explain anything, and just said “I’m not sure”.

View Quoted Comment Is she usually the type who tries to avoid difficult situations or like isn't confrontational? I'm not saying that it would have been confrontational just that maybe she didn't know how to tell you because she didn't want to upset you.

View Quoted Comment In my opinion she’s always been really straightforward with me! Like upfront and has explained what’s going on. I mean I totally get it’s her wedding and her day and she needs to do whatever makes her happy and whatever she wants! I just hated she was talking about picking bridesmaids and her wedding on the phone to me and then texted me that I wasn’t invited. Because if she would’ve given me an explanation about why I wasn’t invited I would’ve been totally ok and said no hard feelings! I guess I felt like I deserved a call with an explanation, but also I guess maybe I’m being entitled? But on the other hand we’re basically each others second families, and her mom refers to me as her adoptive daughter. It just really got to me because we’ve been so close for so long - we’ve been besties since we were 3, but also maybe our friendship has faded more than I thought?

View Quoted Comment You're not being entitled she should have given you an explanation especially if she has always been straight forward with you. Maybe your friendship has faded more than you thought. I think you should probably give her a call and have a heart to heart. Tell her how you feel and also see where the friendship stands. If it's not good then yea definitely don't have her in the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Honestly, you put her in a pretty awkward postion by asking if you were invited to the wedding. Not saying that you did it on purpose, but she probably panicked.

View Quoted Comment I get it may have been awkward for her, but unfortunately I assumed I was invited because she discussed essentially every detail of the wedding with me. I don’t discuss my wedding with people who aren’t invited I think it’s rude.