We don't want a registry, would should we do?

I am completely in the same boat! The only goal we have is buying our first home so we are doing a cash registry for contributions towards our down payment. A friend who recently got married did this and gave me her blinged out mailbox to accept cards, checks and cash at the wedding. I’ve also setup a online contribution through Zankyou where if guests decide to give a gift online they would pay the service fee which is like $2. I’ve also written a sweet nite to guests on the registry tab of our wedding website saying in lieu of purchase gifts we are accepting gifts of love towards our first home....I included something about it being the ideal gift and reminding everyone we are excited to celebrate with everyone and love them very much. Similar to honeymoon fund, if you simply explain what it is you REALLY want/need, that this is the ideal gift then people will be happy to know they helped get you something meaningful to you as a couple.

Gifts are not part of a wedding. You are not entitled to be rewarded for your milestones. Soliciting cash, honeyfunds, these are the reasons people dislike attending weddings. Your guests are already spending their precious time and money to attend your celebration. Throw in a cash/dry bar and a crock pot meal and you have the trifecta of hosting perfection.

Those honeymoon jars stay empty all night for a reason. Stop, please for the sake of some sort of human decency...stop creating weddings around how you can profit from them. They are a celebration of marriage. Gifts and all that jazz should be an afterthought.

I feel like if this continues on it current path, we will have new brides convincing us that charging their guests to attend is completely OK. Why should they spend a bunch of money on their special day.

Please don't use a honeyfund or cash fund. And please don't set out a honeymoon jar at your wedding! It is incredibly distasteful to ask for money. I would try to set up a SMALL registry of a few items that you would like upgraded or that you wouldn't buy for yourselves (there must be a few things you can think of). Some people don't like to give money. By having a small registry, you will at least receive things that you want rather than random items that you don't like or need. Most people will get the hint and give money in a card though.

We didn't have a registry either. We didn't have a shower but we did put a beautiful card box out. People gave us cards, with and without money.

There seems to be a wave of new members after Christmas engagements. Welcome to you all !

Now, please do some etiquette research before you make decisions like some already referenced.

Miss Manners just covered this topic yesterday. Her recommendation for couples who already have their home set up? Perhaps their guests should consider abandoning the idea of gifts altogether rather than the couple thinking of other ways to extract money from their guests.

"GENTLE READER: The way to solve both these problems is to realize that giving and choosing wedding presents -- or, as you think of them, junk -- is up to the prospective donors, not the recipients.

Miss Manners considers the fact that couples often get married fully outfitted to be a good reason to drop the custom, rather than to devise other ways to extract money from guests."

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You are correct that Honeyfund.com does not book anything for you. Its more of a tool give a guests a sense of what we plan to do for our honeymoon. So basically my registry is a list of items that we will spend money on and if they want to write a check towards a specific item, they can. My friend also has done it before for her wedding registry and I just had to pick an item that I wanted to help pay for. I then printed out a voucher that basically noted what my check was for and put both in an envelope to put in their card box. This way, my contribution was 100% towards them. I think if you end up using their credit card function they do take a percentage of or you pay to use it.

Now when I use it, I get a list of who pledged to fund each item as they come in. This way I can go back to card box after the wedding, I can check off whatever I received. Of course it's not for everyone and if you end up not wanting a registry, most guests would end up giving you money with their card.

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As a guest, this is a lot of effort, I'd rather write a real check and stick it in a card than pick and print a voucher for a fake excursion. Instead, why not just write in the card "use this for a breakfast in bed or a relaxing couples massage!" and save the paper.

As a bride, this is also annoying. I wouldn't want to open a card with a piece of paper that says "for a train ride!" because my honeymoon will be booked and paid for before the wedding (assuming most people go on honeymoons immediately after/the following week) so I'm not really using your money for that.

All around it seems like a total waste. And you don't have a registry, it's a list of "wants" and "things you are going to do" not physical things you can register for that the gifter is guaranteed it'll go towards. For all I know your honeymoon could be paid for already and you'll use my "breakfast in bed" voucher/money to buy a new King bed.

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Do the guests know that they're not actually giving you the experience that they paid for? My guess is no. How deceptive.

It's rude to ask for money. This includes "Honeyfunds", which is a thinly veiled money grab. You might as well put out a jar at the reception then. UGH.

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For myself, the cost I listed for each item is based on the actual cost. I will use it towards the experiences and it may be true that others don't, unfortunately .

Again, not anyone will agree on whether it is a good idea or not. In the end, its up to the couple what they would like to do for their wedding and its totally fine not to have a registry/money jar/honeyfund as well.

We’ve got an option to donate to a charity that we really care about on our wedding website because we’ve lived together for years and don’t need anything. We also live in a small apartment with no room for storage if someone WANTED to buy us things, so we’ve just opted for donations to charity or for people to give us cash/checks in cards.

Thank you all for your input! It seems that some think I am just in it for the money- that’s not the case. I was looking for ideas as to what I should do if anyone would like to give us anything. I really like the card box/suitcase idea. Whether my guests give or not, I will be appreciative of them for coming regardless.

View Quoted Comment Omg please help me! How did you do that? Did you write it in the invitation that you would prefer cash? Or did you just leave it blank?

View Quoted Comment You never mention gifts in the invitation. We just didn’t mention anything and people gave us money. This is very common in our social circle already though.

Where I am from, in Alberta, people often do themed showers without a registry. For example "garden party" for gardening gifts.

I did not do a registry and but accepted gifts for the shower. My relative who organized the shower determined the theme would be "make the bride blush" and I got lingerie, pajamas, gift cards to my favourite stores, candles and nice bath stuff. I'm putting it all away until after the wedding for some fun evenings. It made fora very fun gift opening and i felt very pampered!

I'm on the fence about a wedding registry, but I know that i'll have older relatives giving out money on our wedding day so I may put out a nice receiving gift box. In the western culture it is considered tacky, but in the eastern culture especially among the older generation, it is kind of the standard thing. Still trying to figure out on how to give leeway to both cultures.

Registries have always been tacky but are sometimes a necessary evil. Be grateful you don’t need one and be done with it. Definitely don’t suggest you want money.