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October 2021

We Eloped, But Now We Want a Wedding.

Brittany, on October 9, 2019 at 9:53 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 21

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We were married in September of 2017. It was an absolutely beautiful night with just a small handful of witnesses. (Only 10 people) But now we realize, we really want the wedding we never had. I want bridesmaids and groomsmen, we want to experience the bachelorette party and bachelor party. We want to experience everything we missed out on. Long story short, we had our wedding budget set aside to have our big day, but when buying our home disaster struck and we had to use our wedding budget. So my dear friend helped me throw together a small ceremony because she knew how depressed I was. It was absolutely lovely. But I don't even have any good pictures. I couldn't afford a proper photographer, so an armature friend of mine offered to help for free, but he completely left before taking any good photos. I was devastated. Now to the advice part, since we are already married can we call this a wedding and do traditional wedding stuff? Or do we have to treat it as a vow renewal? Can we have bridesmaids and groomsmen? Can we have our parties? Can we have a gift registry? I'm so confused at what's ok and what's not ok. PLEASE HELP!

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Latest activity by Brittany, on October 9, 2019 at 7:04 PM

Master February 2020
Amber · on October 9, 2019 at 10:01 AM
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You can absolutely treat it as a wedding with the traditional wedding stuff, but it would be a vow renewal. You can do as much or as little as you want! I wouldn't have any pre-wedding parties unless someone has offered to plan them for you. As for a registry, I don't think I'd go that route since you are already married and also living together. I'm sure people would still feel like giving you a gift and would bring a card with cash or a check!
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on October 9, 2019 at 10:02 AM
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It would be a vow renewal or celebration of marriage. It wouldnt be a full on wedding, but you can still have the wedding party!
I'm not really sure if the bach parties are discouraged with these. I probably wouldnt have a registry.
I know a lot of people will probably claim that it was your choice to skip it the first time around so you live with that choice....but I'm not really sure what the whole etiquette situation is
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on October 9, 2019 at 10:22 AM
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Of course ! My friends had their own elopement ceremony months ago and threw a traditional wedding reception later on
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October 2021
Brittany · on October 9, 2019 at 10:23 AM
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Did they do the whole shebang? Lol. Or were there things they left out do to etiquette?
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October 2021
Brittany · on October 9, 2019 at 10:24 AM
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Thank you. I have had many people tell me I wasn't allowed to have traditional wedding options and that having a bridesmaids and groomsmen was bad etiquette.
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October 2021
Brittany · on October 9, 2019 at 10:25 AM
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Thank you.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 9, 2019 at 10:31 AM
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I think hosting a vow renewal with bridesmaids & groomsmen is totally fine. The registry part I'm not sure of...if we went to a full on hosted vow renewal we would probably just gift cash regardless if they had a registry or not? I think the bachelor & bachelorette & shower might be odd since you've been married two years, but I guess it would depend on what your friend group offered to host.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on October 9, 2019 at 10:48 AM
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Married people can’t have weddings, it would be a vow renewal. You can absolutely have a bridal party, a reception, the whole shebang. Bachelor(ette) parties would be inappropriate since you aren’t bachelor(ette)s. If someone offers to host one knowing the circumstances, that’s your choice. A gift registry would be distasteful. You’re throwing a party, you don’t have a gift registry just because you’re throwing a party.
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October 2021
Brittany · on October 9, 2019 at 10:53 AM
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They wouldn't be traditional bach parties, it would pretty much just be a day of pampering for me and the girls, and they guys will probably watch football or play video games. Lol.
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October 2021
Brittany · on October 9, 2019 at 10:54 AM
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I don't really want a gift registry, I was just trying to figure out what others may do in my situation.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on October 9, 2019 at 11:05 AM
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Like PP I agree that you can certainly have a nice party (an call it a vow renewal, celebration of marriage, or just an anniversary party) but just be really sensitive to how much you are asking/expecting your friends and family to pay for (i.e., throwing you extra parties before the big party you are hosting, giving gifts, spending money on attire you request, etc.).
Celebrating life events is wonderful. Expecting others to treat this exactly as if you had never gotten married is not really reasonable and would probably be setting yourself up to be disappointed.
Plan a lovely party to host your nearest and dearest and try not to worry so much about replacing what you "missed out on." Enjoy your celebration!
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October 2021
Brittany · on October 9, 2019 at 11:12 AM
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I must have miscommunicated a bit somewhere. We are paying for everything, even if we have parties, we will most likely paying for those as well. The only thing I'm asking anyone to pay for is their attire if I choose to have groomsmen/bridesmaids. Everything is out of my pocket.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on October 9, 2019 at 11:15 AM
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I know a couple who did this, they eloped because he was in the military and leaving for deployment, the whole year he was gone, she was planning their vow renewal like a normal wedding, bridal party, wedding dress, ceremony (where they renewed their vows) and reception, etc. They did not have any pre-wedding events since they were married already and from what I know, guests brought them cash gifts or cards. Good luck and happy planning!
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October 2021
Brittany · on October 9, 2019 at 11:17 AM
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Thank you, Jennifer.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on October 9, 2019 at 11:24 AM
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Of course!
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Super October 2019
W-K · on October 9, 2019 at 12:07 PM
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I hear what you're saying. Yes, you can do all of that! I wouldn't do a gift registry, though.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on October 9, 2019 at 12:28 PM
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If you'd like a vow renewal, go for it!
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Lady · on October 9, 2019 at 2:22 PM
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Caytlyn is exactly right on. Throw a party if you want, but it's not a wedding.
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Master 0000
Judith · on October 9, 2019 at 6:24 PM
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After this time, to me a pseudo wedding is like putting on a play, not genuine . Have a vow renewal if you like. As long as you pay, you can put on a play or a masquerade, or do your wedding thing. But you need to buy any costume for your production (BM, GM) and any HMU, any lodgings for participants. You want your fantasies and photos, fine. But since you are already married, your friends do not owe you special honors of playing dress up, or doing parties in your honor. You foot the production costs. In that way treat it like any party you throw .
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on October 9, 2019 at 6:47 PM
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I think it'd be fine to have a vow renewal! It could be just like a wedding except you're already married so you're just renewing your vows. I agree that registering could be a little odd, but up to you! I hope you both get the day you have been anxiously awaiting and that it's better than anything you could've possibly dreamed!
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We Eloped, But Now We Want a Wedding.

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