We had a small wedding with no family, now our family wants to have an event we're not happy with

As long as they're paying for it....

Why don't you do one of those quick commitment or vow renewal ceremonies? Less than 15 minutes from my understanding and your family will get the pomp and circumstance.

I'm sorry that it feels like they are invalidating and diminishing the ceremony you already had. That's quite shitty and inconsiderate of them. Unless you put your foot down and stay firm, it seems like they will get away with sending whatever message they see fit.

Can you politely say, "thank you for your gracious offer but we are already married. We would love to have a small celebration with you though!"?

This is not their call. You could do a vow renewal if you'd like, but their assertion that your original marriage was not a marriage is not only incorrect but insulting.

I'd say you put your foot down, tell them that you're married and show them photos. The end.

If they want a taste of what they missed, offer to do a backyard version, which sounds much closer to what you had, and it would be more relaxed. Don't go along with their whole religious thing if it makes you feel sour - you're entitled to feel happy about the occassion, not like a puppet.

Don't do this. It's a fraud. You had the wedding you wanted and are now married. Your grandparents are trying to manipulate you.

If you're uncomfortable with it, then don't do it. It's as simple as that.

Are you close with your grandparents? I think telling them that you're happy with the way you were married and that you don't want to do a "do over," which is essentially what they're asking you to do.

Let them throw you a reception and incorporate a Bible verse or two. This makes everybody happy. Part of being married is compromising.

It sounds like you don't want to do this at all. If that's the case then don't do it. You had te wedding you wanted and are happy with. They don't get to ask this of you.

Nancy, but they're not married to her grandparents. so they don't have to compromise with them lol.

This is ultimately up to you and your husband to decide if this is something that you're comfortable with or even want.

I understand wanting to make them happy, but I agree with Celia. Saying that your wedding didn't count is really insulting. Personally, their wishes would not even be taken into consideration after that. I would decline.

Don't do it. Even if they offer to pay. Just no. That is Insulting especially if you both aren't religious. It's undermining.

No. Don't do what Nancy said. You don't compromise your beliefs or your original wedding ceremony for people who don't have the decent respect to understand your beliefs or the fact that you chose to do your wedding privately for a reason.

If your grandparents want a "small taste" that's what pictures and video are for. This shouldn't be an issue to begin with, they're making it one. You had the wedding you wanted and they should respect that. If you're uncomfortable having a another ceremony just politely decline.

I would say no. You had the event that you wanted.

@Kailee: These are grandparents from a different generation. The couple has to have a relationship with them for many years. It wouldn't hurt them to have a reception at gramps' expense. What's one day out of their lives? It's called thinking about somebody else. Wrap your head around this concept.

Thanks everyone for your advice! To be totally honest, I would love to tell them to shove it. But I just don't think I can do that and feel good about the outcome. I think that will leave everyone feeling bitter and, if that's going to be the outcome, we need not make the trip in the first place.

Instead, I've mashed together a service from my grandparent's church with what we said during our actual wedding, and I've come up with something that, while K and I wouldn't have picked it for ourselves, feels like a good compromise and we're happy to do it for the grandparents.

So, here's hoping for a good dinner at Grandpa's expense, and an opportunity to keep our family on pleasant terms!

Lol. Nancy. Compromising beliefs is not the answer to this. And the op clearly doesn't want this. So maybe you want to force yourself into uncomfortable situations, but other people dont. I'd tell my grandparents, who I have to be around for many years, sorry but we aren't religious and we already had our wedding, just the way we wanted it. Here are some photos". Wrap your head around that one!

Nancy, part of marriage is compromise. That's totally correct. However, that compromise is between husband/wife, wife/wife, husband/husband, and it has nothing to do with grandparents. [sigh].

Lol Kaile: I'd let the grandparents host a small party. Like I said, "What's one day out of your life?" The bad feelings that might be caused by rejecting this, could last for years to come. I'm standing my ground on this one.