We had to replan a wedding in a week and things went south with my mom

Hi,
I need to share what has been the worst experience for me these last two weeks and ask opinions about what happened. First I need to add a bit of context.
Our wedding date is May 21st 2022 (in a month and a half).
My mom volunteers at a place that can accommodate many people. While it’s not labeled a wedding venue, weddings happen there. When we decided to get married, it was so obvious for everyone we’d do it there that we didn’t even question it. My mom promptly suggested a caterer that knows the venue and a DJ that is a friend of her and does all the parties at the venue (actually leaves his stuff there). We figured it was easy and since she recommends them why not ? We also asked since the beginning if they’d be able and willing to do the things we want and do them the way we want, and she assured us they would. We have now understood the hard way easy wasn’t always good.
The first thing was when my mom said since we were doing it at their venue we would have to invite people from the committee, especially since they wouldn’t make us pay (we never asked for such a favor). I was annoyed. She is friend with them, and I didn’t want to cause drama by refusing (I know it would have gone wrong) but made it as clear as I could that I wasn’t very happy about it.
I then immediately sent an example of what I wanted as food to the caterer and she said it’s fine for her, maybe she’ll add a few things of her own. I was like “sure let’s discuss it when you are available”. Then covid happened and we postponed the wedding from May 2021 to May 2022.
In the meantime we bought a house and wanted to hire a team of workers to make a few changes. My mom suggested the team that works at the venue (the husband of the head of the venue owns a work company). We needed things to be done fast (from the quote to then the works themselves) to pay as little as possible extra to the bank. My mom assured me they would understand that and make it happen, and since I had sent a few emails fo other worker companies that never got back to me we said okay. The team that was supposed to come do the works at our place was lead by the guy that was supposed to be our DJ (DJ is his side hustle). He treated us quite poorly, saying he would come do the works in September and then just not giving any news, and everytime I tried to contact him to ask when they would be coming he would be like “we are still working at that other place” but without giving a timeline. We were waiting and waiting, not making plans bc we didn’t know when they’d be coming. My mom would tell me “they said to me in three weeks” but ofc it didn’t happen. So much so that in November I sent a text a bit more assertive just bc we didn’t the works to be done before January if we didn’t want to pay extra interests to the bank. He answered something like “we’ll probably start in December calm down it’s not the end of the world” it drove me nuts !
In the end my mom did intervene in our favor (I thanked her many times) and it’s the other team that came mid November, but the bottom line is my FH and I started to worry that the DJ was unreliable. We were already not so happy when we realized he doesn’t speak French (our mother tongue) but only polish (the venue is held by a polish association, my mom is polish). So we contacted a few DJs and found one we liked that was available for our date. I mentioned it to my mom and she lost it, saying we cannot do that to her, how will people look at her at the venue if we do that, etc etc.
I caved in. Ofc I did. I didn’t want to bring issues for her, especially since she intervened for the workers. But I said that I very much hope he will be more reliable. I sent a message asking if he remembered our wedding, and when would be discuss that. He answered he did and “closer to the date”. I am getting married May 21 and still didn’t hear anything from him.
Then we went to see the venue once again to assess some stuff 2 weeks ago and realized there is a ton of “stuff” that is under the roof where we wanted to do the cocktail hour. My mom said maybe it will be put away by our wedding day, maybe not. (?!!!!!) Also we wanted to put our guest book under a smaller roof just next to it but that roof fell and sits on the floor. Again, they don’t know if it’ll be fixed. My mom laughs saying it looks like a pyramid and isn’t it funny ha-ha (no, it’s not…)
At that point some of our guests said they wouldn’t be able to make it, and my mom had added quite a few of her friends related to the venue. In the end, the biggest table at our wedding was going to be them.
I felt a bit defeated, like it was becoming more and more a party for my mom’s venue than my wedding. She also was always bringing up how they would like this or that and how many times I mentioned I wasn’t planning it for them to like didn’t change a thing.
Now about the caterer. I sent her a message when we postponed, and then a few others saying we wanted to change a few things to the menu, could we please meet or talk over the phone etc. Answer was always later, it’s too early. I pushed for us to meet on 26th March. So last Tuesday, I sent her the new version of the menu but ofc we could discuss it it’s a basis for the meeting so she knows in which direction we’re going (there were a few changes but it was not completely different).
I got a text at 22h30 saying she cannot honor our demands and so we should find ourselves another person to cook. I got a text 5 minutes later from my mom forwarding basically the same message, and stating “look what you’ve done. What you want isn’t possible, find yourself another cook !”
I almost begged the woman to still meet with me on Saturday to discuss things and find a common ground. I said I cannot find another cook less than two months before the wedding, I referred to the fact that she knew what we wanted since two years ago, and also that well I have been trying to talk or meet with her for months literally to avoid this kind of situation. She agreed to meet but “without making promises”
The next day I received more texts from my mom saying my menu was scandalizing (it really wasn’t, especially for the price she was asking), that she was giving up, that I should have found myself a castle (she wasn’t saying that nicely). I was already devastated by the situation and even more by her reaction.
So we looked for another cook but we also looked into postponing and got an answer from a venue (coincidence : a small and cute castle) to come and meet them on Sunday.
On Saturday we went to meet the caterer. I won’t get into details but it wasn’t great. She offered a menu that had nothing to do with either our original or second version and refused every suggestion we made. We had also lost all trust after the message (what if she sends the same the day before our wedding ?!). In the meanwhile I had received a few messages from my mom that I found very pushy about whether we found an agreement. I didn’t answer, it just felt above my strength as in my head we had just decided to postpone the wedding.
We went to see the other venue and jokingly asked if they didn’t have our date still available. The guy first said no, but then asked about our guests number - which is quite low. He checked and announced it’s our lucky day bc the stables were taken as they could accommodate a large number of guests, but the castle itself and the terrasse were free for our numbers. It felt like a miracle. We were saving our wedding. Best news ? The price per person for the menu (a menu that works for us) was cheaper than what crazy woman wanted. We would have to pay for the venue itself but all in all it doesn’t amount to much more than we were planning to spend !
My FH called my mom to break the news. I knew she’d be able to make me feel bad about our decision and that she wouldn’t react in a “so happy you found a solution” kind of way. I called my dad coz I didn’t want him to be in the dark. He gave me my mom over the phone so I explained what happened with the caterer. She answered “well she has another version so yeah, and I am not taking sides”. (I am your daughter and you’re saying you don’t trust my word …). Turns out the caterer said she agreed on all we wanted and that I didn’t like anything she offered but my fiancé did. He literally told her he doesn’t see how he could possibly serve that to his guests.
I then broke the news to her that since we were not doing the wedding at the venue, her best friend (the head of the old venue) could come with her husband but the others were only invited for the cocktail hour. She completely lost it. Brought my dad into it, who sent a message to my FH. My fiancé called trying to explain calmly that there wasn’t a reason to invite them, since his parents also don’t get to invite their colleagues and that we even cut into the family members to keep only the people close to us and have an intimate wedding. That didn’t work, it turned into a fight and my fiancé who had seen me in such a bad state in the last few days kind of raised his voice. I said he had been right to do so.
She also said by text to me that all I wanted was to show off to my friends and have a better wedding than a friend of mine, and that I wanted it to be as luxurious as possible and maybe she wouldn’t even fit in. I find it so mean. Also if I wanted to show off, I am not sure having to explain the situation to my friends and changing venue less than 2 months before my wedding would be the best way to do it, but never mind that.
My dad insists on paying for the food even after I mentioned a few times we are paying ourselves. I said I don’t want money, I want their SUPPORT and that’s the thing I was lacking during this last week which was SO awful.
My mom said a few times things won’t be the same now, she has seen another version of me, it opened her eyes. I have got to agree and think “right back at you” but I honestly don’t see what I did that was so bad ?
We are one month and a half before, we need to reorganize our whole wedding. It’s difficult to handle. On the other hand we’re so happy that we got to keep our date and solve this. We’ve also already settled many things (find a florist, contact DJs, change the church for the ceremony, contact many people who had made arrangements, etc etc). And all of it is tinted by the drama with my parents.
Am I in the wrong ?