Wedding after elopement

If you are declaring to any government agency you are married, you shouldn't be lying to anyone else. A party doesn't make your wedding real

Have a celebration of marriage party, but don’t present to your guests that this is the actual wedding.

BTW, I’m one of those brides who’s not having a “real wedding” because I’m only getting married at City Hall. I guess that means I get a pass on hosting my guests properly!

If you tell your guests its a vow renewal and don't call it a wedding I think your fine. Since you're already married, to call it a wedding would be lying to your guests and that's the part that makes people upset.

The fact that you got married in April and you are just telling your parents now makes me think you were hiding your marriage while planning your wedding. I can't understand why a grown woman with a husband and two kids would do such a thing. Regardless, you can still have a party and vow renewal but just don't lie to your guest like you lied to your parents.

If you aren't ashamed of what you have done, why hide it? Not that I think there is a reason to be, I just don't understand why you wouldn't be upfront about it if it shouldn't bother your guests. It is a special moment as a guest to witness two people legally binding themselves to each other in front of their friends and family. I would be a little upset if someone made it look like it was something it was not, especially if I traveled/took time off from work etc etc.

View Quoted Comment Thank you❤️

We’re paying for the wedding ourselves and our “wedding” was simply legalities at a courthouse so that we could start our adoption process. Neither of us felt comfortable “living in sin” with children in the house. If we had known that T-shirt’s & jeans then back to work was “our wedding” we would have done things differently.
I don’t say this to take away from anyone who had a courthouse wedding. I’m just saying that for us we would have appro

I personally have zero issue with this, and considered doing this myself 5-6 months before the wedding. The big wedding we have been planning for a year would be no less of a wedding.

Living in sin... Goodness.

The courthouse was your wedding. Doesn't mean you can't have a nice celebration of marriage. I would just skip the ceremony personally.

We couldn’t have our parents there at a moments notice due to one set being out of the country and another dealing with MS. Our not telling anyone that we were legally married YET was because we both come from blended families spread across the country. We also have parents who would make unnecessary drama. We’re not ashamed of anything, truth be told we’re bending over backwards to accommodate everyone’s feelings and desires to be included in a ceremony.

We have every intention of (more eloquently than this) explaining everything at the start of ceremony. And my brother who is a minister will be heading up the vows, NOT OFFICIATING. We want all of our loved ones to come together and be a part of this experience. The unfortunate side of this situation is that we do have immediate realatives who play victim and find a way to make everything about them. What I fear is these loved ones making unnecessary drama because they weren’t “invited”. My sister decided last minute to only include parent & siblings in her wedding because his family all lived out of state and couldn’t make it. Our relatives are still very bitter about this.

I understand what everyone is saying and I VERY MUCH APPRECIATE those who understand where we are coming from. A wedding is not the same thing as a marriage. A reception/party is not the same as a wedding. We want to give our families the memories of walking us down the aisle, shopping for and seeing me in a dress, hearing the vows we’ve written and committed to.

I do love the idea of inviting everyone to celebrate our marriage and we will word our invitations as such.
AGAIN.... WE are the ones paying for everything and we are NOT registering anywhere. The ONLY thing we’re requesting is for everyone’s presence.

Living in sin?? I have an 8 year old, i'm also Christian. My Pastors are aware I will I've with FH prior to our wedding. Not one has passed judgment, nor said they would not officiate our wedding. My son doesn't care, nor understand the "legalities" of weddings. He surely doesn't understand living in sin.

i'm honestly surprised you were allowed to start adoption proceedings so quickly. Florida (where we live) is very strict with that.

If you married to allow the adoption proceedings, and explained to family, i'm sure they would have understood, but hiding it? Why? I'd never hide it from my parents, or my child. To me, it is essentially saying lying is alright, which i just can't teach my son.

I'm sorry you wish you'd done things differently, had you known your wedding was your wedding. It still doesn't take away that you did indeed have a wedding.

As for your brother performing at the ceremony, how is that being done? My friend, who's a Pastor said to officiate a wedding where a couple is already married, it could cause him to no longer be allowed to do so.

View Quoted Comment

So on the invites will you put something along the lines of 'You are invited to the marriage celebration of....' ?

View Quoted Comment He’s not officiating he’s basically standing there, sharing scripture, and leading us in sharing the vows we’ve written.

To each their own. I personally made a decision a long time ago not to bring a man into my home unless he was committed. He felt the same way and together we had shared opinions on the example we wanted to set.

We have never said we weren’t married. Our oldest knew and it was at his request. He’s also 8 and does understand so once again, to each their own. To be honest, that little humans feeling matter more than anyone here.

Perhaps you didn’t read the above reply. Either way, thanks for your opinion.

View Quoted Comment Yes, we will

I got engaged December 2015, married (through city hall November 2017) and now planning my church Wedding November 2018. Don't get discouraged on what everyone else tells you. Every person and Every couple is so different, we all have different timelines. Just plan for you and your family, ignore the negative comments, there is no "right" timeline or "right" way to get married.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Biri ❤️

View Quoted Comment Rebecca, with all due respect, a child does not come out of the womb knowing right and wrong, knowing scripture. It is taught to them. If he felt or said it was a big deal, it was because he learned/saw/heard it was a big deal from an adult.

I wouldnt allow a man to meet my son unless it was a serious relationship. I had a friend that dated constantly and her son met them all, it caused behavior issues, which i refused to ever do. My job as a mom is to teach my son, and to protect him.

FH didn’t meet my son for months. We also don’t live together. My son is very involved in church and his faith. However it was not something he was born doing, it was something he was taught. My child means more to me than anything. He is my priority, his feelings matter more to me than even my parents’. Still, he did not know these things until taught.

View Quoted Comment Being committed and being married aren’t the same thing...you can ask my exH.

Oy vey, how ever will I explain to my son that his father and I "live in sin". Oh wait, we're atheists, whew, that was close.

Lol living in sin.

What you are having my dear is a pretty princess day because you're wedding already happened whether you were wearing a pair of jeans or a white gown. To call the whole shindig thats being planned a "Wedding" is incorrect. It is a celebration of marriage and a vow renewal if you choose to say vows.