Wedding Attire - Mother of the Bride

I replied to McKenna.

View Quoted Comment It doesn’t show who anyone replies to who on my email. Either way the statement stands. Even she is having a formal black tie wedding and asks everyone to wear black on the invitation - that should be respected or just don’t go.


The only way I can see that being a problem is if she had a particular shade of a very specific color.

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Unfortunately, you can't tell people how to post, unless they are crossing the line of terms on terms of service for the forum. A lot of the social media trends do go against proper treatment of guests, and people are allowed to point that out.

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Your response reflects the conundrum of asking guests to wear specific colors to gain entry into a party. In your response to someone else, you say black is allowed but another color would be too much? These are arbitrary rules and overall etiquette is meant to be inclusive with guest consideration, not exclusive with the purpose of weeding down a guest list. BTW, Black tie is a formality and not everyone is expected to wear black. Asking someone to purchase a black ballgown would be overstepping even in NY where we wear black everyday, but not necessarily for special events.

In reality, you'll find older adults are super particular about wedding clothes. Moms tend to be the most sensitive where their age and vanity come into play as they also feel they are persons of honor. This may not be the case with your Mom, and your family members are open to suggestions. But, it is best to just suggest and let them choose clothes where they feel beautiful. Traditionally, MOB and MOG wear neutral colors. Some non fast fashion can be matronly in these colors and may end up not to their liking. In group photos, parents are generally in family photos only. They are not in WP photos nor seated by them, so there's no real pressure to color coordinate. If you want to link everyone by color, the parent corsages and boutonnieres can coordinate with the WP.

View Quoted Comment A black tie or formal wedding doesn’t mean women all have to wear black, though. Even women who attend formal affairs on a regular or semi regular basis are not necessarily going to own a black gown. Again, saying respect what is on the invitation or don’t go is backwards. Value your loved ones enough to consider them more than decor or don’t have guests in the first place is more like it. Please.


For black tie men customarily wear what is commonly called a tuxedo, though dark suit and tie is an acceptable alternative, so there is a big difference between black tie and a theme color that everyone has to wear. Most men own at least one dark suit or can easily rent.