Wedding Ceremony On 9/11/20? Disrespectful?

Personally, I think any sort of wedding/party on September 11th is a bad idea. I wouldn’t condemn someone for having their event on that day, but I find it disrespectful. Just because you were young at the time, doesn’t mean your guests were. I also don’t think location means anything, people from all over the country were affected by it.

Aside from the issue of respect, I don't see how it makes it easier to have your ceremony on a separate day. Will you have a rehearsal the day before the ceremony? It's your day and you should do as you see fit, but I don't think turning a wedding into a multiple day event makes it easier.

As far as having your wedding on September 11th, I honestly had never thought of that. I always remember the day for what it was but never considered that people would still want to have birthday parties, weddings and showers, etc. on that day. I wouldn't want to have my wedding on that day. Again, even ignoring the respect argument, everyone thinks of the attacks on September 11th. I don't think I would want the two things related.

I live in South Jersey, so I know people who were involved as do most people I know. I was also 19 when it happened and remember everything very clearly. However, life does go on, and if you are unable to change the date I wouldn’t think you were a terrible person for getting married on that day. Just take a few minutes to recognize the date at some point, and I think that would be fine. While it is a day that should always be remembered and those who passed should be honored, I don’t believe any of them would not want those of us who are still living to mourn forever and not have our happiness. But if you’re getting negative comments from your family or friends, I would opt to follow their opinions more than any of us on WW, since those are the people who will have an impact on your day one way or another. Congrats on your engagement.

I don’t think it’s disrespectful but I’d NEVER want to have my anniversary be Sept 11th. That date is associated with such negative emotions for everyone when they hear it. I wouldn’t do it.

My dad's birthday is September 11th and I can't even think about his birthday without thinking about that horrible event. I live in California and was 23 when it happened so I can tell you that even out here people were very deeply affected by it. My office closed for the day to allow people to mourn and when we came back to work we spent half the day just talking about it. Nearly everyone I knew put an American flag on their car to show their solidarity. It was a horrible day. I could never associate it now with anything good and I would guess people who are my age or older would feel similarly.

Also, I agree with Formerbride that it doesn't make sense to have your events on two separate days. This won't make things easier for your guests and may serve to frustrate them.

I’d probably refrain since you never know if your guests had any association. I live in CA but originally from NJ. My one uncle was in the towers that day, ran out as it was falling. And my other uncle was working as a paramedic near ground zero that day. So personally I wouldn’t feel right going to a wedding that day. The bride and groom may have no idea my background if they know my FH and not me very well. Your better off just avoiding it and maybe doing the ceremony on the 12th and reception on the 13th if you wanted two days.

I wouldn't have the events on 2 different dates just because it may be more difficult for guests to make sure they block out more time.

As far as the September 11th thing goes, I have a different opinion from others I suppose. I'm from an NJ town which is a suburb of NYC (many people commute for work) and my parents only moved to NJ from NYC after getting married, although most of my relatives still live there. I say this for context of proximity to the event. Would I personally have a wedding on 9/11? No. However, I wouldn't balk at someone doing so, or even blink an eye. While it is sad to think about what happened on that day 18 years ago, life doesn't stand still. We don't eschew joyous gatherings on the day Pearl Harbor was attacked or when Timothy McVeigh committed the Oklahoma City bombings. Yes, this was on a grander scale. However, as we've unfortunately been seeing in the news more and more, there is a national tragedy being reported almost constantly. Where would we draw the line if we stopped celebrating anything good in our lives on any date that has been marred by a tragedy?

While I don't think it's necessarily disrespectful, there is a somberness to that day that I don't think will dissipate in my lifetime. Therefore, I personally would not want to get married on that date and would feel weird celebrating.

I did not know anyone involved in the tragedy, and I still think about it every time I even look at the clock and it says 9:11. It's just such a part of consciousness for anyone who remembers it.

I've also never been to a two-day wedding and think it would probably be more convenient for guests to have everything on the 12th.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this!! You said it so perfectly. I'm born and raised NYC and will never forget that day as long as I live but I agree with everything you said.

I’m from New York. I was only 8 but remember not knowing which one of my family members would make it home because I had no idea the map of “the city” and where was effected just that my loved ones worked there. At 8 years old I remember lining up at the school office so everyone can call their parents and make sure someone was home for us on the early dismissal. It’s traumatic and hurts still every year, even though I rationally know others have it much worse.
Opposed to other people though, I don’t think you should halt your life because of a horrific event. I don’t believe the ones we’ve lost would want that. I personally would never want my loved ones not to do what brings them joy after I’m gone. If that was the day that worked best for you, you should keep it. If you are religious, a moment of prayer to recognize it couldn’t hurt.

However, if you already planned to have the ceremony on the 12th, stick to it. I don’t see how much easier splitting the ceremony and reception by one day could be. The idea of switching a plan you already had seems more disrespectful than if your dream venue only had that day available. You see what I’m saying? If you can avoid it, just don’t do it. If it is the only way to get your dream day, it’s ok with some respect.

I'm from DC, and I remember seeing the second plane crash live on TV at the age of 14 in 8th grade science class. Phones weren't working, everyone was in panic.It was a scary tragic time that threw us full force into war. We remember and mourn this day as an Nation. It's well within living memory.

I think it's a bad idea. The 12th, okay, but why would you stretch it to include the 11th? That's the part that bothers me.

My birthday is September 11th and people are always depressed on that day. Skip it, not for their sake but yours. Your anniversary would suck just as badly as my birthday. People will light candles and put out flags, some restaurants will even be closed. It’s a day everyone mourns and relives their pain. At best no one will care if it’s a day of celebration for you, at worst people will be offended you’re celebrating. You can’t win.

Does your venue allow set up the day prior? My date is also Sept 12, 2020 and they told me so long as there is not another wedding the day before I can have all day Friday for set up. I am assuming it is likely to remain open simply because Sept. 11th woild not be a good day for a wedding. Just in case my FH plans on spending the morning of our wedding doing setup with the groomsmen. I am a control freak as well but I am keeping it simple. Chair covers, sashes and centerpieces are all we need to set up. The rest will be done by a professional. I am going to have my centerpieces put together prior to the wedding all they have to do is put them on the tables and add water. I even plan on sending pictures of how the placement should be on each table in case they can't figure it out.

Unpopular Opinion: It's probably fine. I think people are only getting worked-up about it because it's recent. Do people get married on December 7th? Yes! Do most Americans know what happened on December 7th? Probably not! And that's also within "living memory" for many Americans. What about November 22? April 4? We have a federal holiday dedicated to honoring military personnel who died while serving, and all we do is take a Monday off to BBQ and maybe get a great deal on a car or mattress.

Choose whatever date works best for you. If people have strong feelings about it, they can remember that day however they wish on their own time.

My birthday is on 9/11 and 2020 I will be turning 50. My fiance and I are considering on making 9/11/20 a wedding day simply because it's a mile stone birthday for me and we can't afford to have two big events that year. My birthday is always a bittersweet day since 2001. Never do I feel disrespectful for celebrating another year of life. I figure a wedding will make my birthday a even happier day. I always remember the tragic of that day, but I can't be sad forever on that day. So you and your fiance have to do what's best for you. Blessings to you 🙏🏽

I think that seeing the date on a save the date might be a little strange but I honestly think when everyone is there they wouldn't be thinking about the tragedy while they were there.

I think it's fine personally, do what works for you.

I personally don't think any one date should be "banned" from celebration. Plenty of positive things have happened on September 11th (birthdays, weddings, job promotions, etc). I don't feel that the significant events of one year have the power to forever mar positive associations associated with a date/anniversary. People get married on Pearl Harbor day (Dec 7), holidays, and other days with historical significance without ever thinking anything of it.

I grew up outside of NYC and was in high school when the towers were hit; I had classmates lose parents and family in the attacks. You could drive to a viewpoint just a few miles from my home and see the cloud of smoke from where the towers fell. The memory of that tragedy hits very close to home, but I think moving on from those events, and creating new, positive associations with those dates, is not only appropriate, but necessary.

Due to Covid, we eloped on our original day last spring and moved our wedding celebration to this spring, but we want to have a mask-less event where we can hug and dance with our loved ones safely and therefore are looking to move our date again to later in the summer or early fall. The only date all of our vendors have available for 2021 is - you guessed it - September 11th, which happens to be the 20th anniversary this year. I'm not personally bothered by it, and for us, it would just be the day we celebrate, not our actual anniversary. My husband didn't like the idea of it being our anniversary, but for our one time "redo" wedding celebration, he's fine with it. I stumbled across this thread just because I was curious what others think.

View Quoted Comment

I understand this post is old, but I have to interject anyway. I am getting Married on September 11, 2021 the 20th anniversary of the attack on our country. It is not disrespectful. I am a paramedic and have worked in EMS since 1994. When the attacks happened I wanted to jump on a plane and rush to help. Unfortunately our services were not needed. My heart bleeds every year on 9/11 and when I had to choose a date for my wedding I specifically chose the one that is so close to my heart I couldnt imagine chosing any other day. I love the US, I love Law Enforcement, Fire and EMS. In general I love people and helping wherever I can. Having the most important day in my life scheduled for a date when our country showed its strength by pulling together and loving our neighbors and humbling us... how is this disrespectful. Its seeing the love that happened after a horrible event.

I don't have personal ties to New York or D.C., but I still remember that day as clear as any. I was a senior in high school when the attacks happened. When my FH and I called our venue to get new dates for 2021, the only Saturday they had left in September - the month we wanted most - was the 11th. We wouldn't get married on that day at any other time, but it felt especially tasteless to do so on the 20th anniversary. Previously, when we'd asked about Saturdays in December 2019, the only one they had left was the 7th. As my FH's grandfather was a WWII vet who fought in the Pacific, that felt especially wrong.

From a logistical standpoint, I agree with others who've said it doesn't make sense to have two separate wedding dates when you've already set everything up for the 12th. I say just stick with your original date, and leave the 11th to be what it is: a day of remembrance.