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Ally
Just Said Yes June 2023

Wedding Date Issues

Ally, on February 8, 2023 at 8:32 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6
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So I got engaged December 2022. I wanted a winter wedding so I was planning it for February 2024. We were starting to plan and realizing living up north with unpredictable weather and needing to have a venue obviously so it could be inside was going to be a huge cost. Also we were not getting any financial help which was not expected but we just could not afford the wedding we had in mind. Then we decided to do a backyard micro wedding, which ended up being a lot simpler than we had in mind so we moved the wedding date to June 2023. My dad got engaged December 2020. They had set the date for September 2023. They’re pretty upset with me because they think I am stealing their thunder. In reality, we weren’t expecting this either. I just don’t see why waiting until the following summer is beneficial when it’s going to be such a simple wedding. We also decided to have an after party the following day as we are having an intimate ceremony. That way we can invite all of our friends. It’s going to be like an open house casual style. They saw that as me, rubbing it in their face as well. I completely see their side of things but I just want to see if I’m totally in the wrong.

6 Comments

Latest activity by Elly, on February 12, 2023 at 1:35 AM
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    It's totally allowed for you to have a wedding in the same year as your father. It's ridiculous. They're being ridiculous. Enjoy your planning and have a fun wedding!

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    You are totally allowed to have a wedding the same year. My husband’s cousin had their wedding planned way before us. They had to move theirs due to Covid and we wanted an October wedding so we ended up getting married two weeks after them and no one was upset. They even put their honeymoon on hold to be there for us. People are wild and think they get to hold other peoples lives hostage for months to a year. They get one day. Maybe a weekend. That’s it. Outside of that everyone gets to do what they’d like
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    This is such a hard situation. In terms of etiquette, you have definitely not done anything wrong. There is no rule that says you cannot have your wedding within the same year as a family member. However, I have definitely learned from this forum that etiquette sometimes really doesn’t matter when it comes to someone’s feelings. If your father FEELS as though he’s been wronged, random people who have written etiquette rules aren’t going to matter to him, nor are the opinions of people on a wedding forum. So really, in the end, it’s up to you to make the decision whether you want to adhere to traditional etiquette, or the feelings of your father. We can all give our opinions, but we don’t have to walk in your shoes or deal with the fall out of your decision. I am so sorry you are in this position, and I hope it all works out for you!
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  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
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    That’s insane. Like PP said, we can’t speak to your relationship with your father or whether this is an outlier in how he usually reacts to things. But definitely don’t feel as if you did anything wrong. I’m a September 2023 bride, and to me personally, June still feels like *ages* before my wedding. Have you been able to sit down with him and have a calm conversation about this and where these feelings are coming from? Is there some type of event they were wanting to do in June, like an engagement party or bridal shower or something?
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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    Some people get touchy about others planning a wedding in proximity to their own, but unless the date conflicts with something major they're planning, then it's not a rational reaction to get upset about another wedding happening months apart. If your dad is usually a reasonable person, I'd say to talk to him, explain that you're just trying to plan the wedding you're able to have, and that you're not trying to "steal his thunder."

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  • E
    Expert August 2023
    Elly ·
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    I have mixed feelings. I know that this may be an unpopular opinion, but hear me out:

    I do see your points with regards to the fact that since you are paying for your own wedding, you do have the absolute right of when and how it should be.

    However, I do feel like maybe there are some details that are being left out:

    1) Are most of your invitees also invitees of your father?

    2) If the answer is, "Yes" are most of these invitees out of state, live a great distance away, or have demanding schedules that make it difficult to ask for leave, and/or make travel arrangements?

    3) Do any of your motivations for wanting to get married without delay include any of the following: baby on the way, insurance/health benefits window, a terminally ill relative, deployment, or having a job or situation where you have to move out of the country?

    (These reasons I don't blame anyone for wanting to be married right away)

    If the answers are, "Yes" to questions 1 and 2, and, "No" to 3, then I do feel that having a wedding so close to your father's date doesn't reflect on you in the best way, especially if you have a good, or otherwise healthy relationship with your father.

    I would feel it is a bit inconsiderate to ask for people to travel twice within a short window, especially given the price of airline tickets, rental cars, and accommodations.

    However,

    If you don't have a healthy relationship with your Dad, chances are mutual family and friends know, so go ahead and have your wedding.


    If the answer was at bare minimum, "Yes" to question 3, its worth having a heart to heart with your Dad. Those life circumstances cannot be helped, and it is better to have a wedding and have those important milestone memories than wait and have life scatter everyone in different directions.


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