In 2020, I was proposed to and wed within 2 weeks of each other. My husband's intention was to right the wrongs of making me wait, etc. This was a difficult situation because while I knew he was doing it out of love, I missed out on picking a dress, picking a date, and basically all intimacy. My husband was under a lot of stress at the time so the proposal was not a happy moment. He was unhappy and didn't say anything. We got married on St. Patrick's Day which was an absolute accident and an huge regret for me. I couldn't change the date on our contract. I could do anything. So we decided to throw our own wedding. Only by this time my family's opinion was, "y'all are already married, why are we going to pay for an event?" So we ended up having a small "covid friendly" event in our backyard and gave up our venue. I still ended up not getting the dress I wanted so purchased a cheap, white dress instead. Luckily, family came together to help and we managed to scrounge up food and some small decorations. However, the day of the wedding came and I had been under so much stress that I had a huge cold sore right in the center of my lip and ended up losing 10 pounds so my dress was hanging off of me. I asked my husband to write some vows (he's not very eloquent or romantic so I had looked forward to this) but he spent his time thanking the few family members who attended. Pictures turned out horrible, no speeches, and I felt so deflated. Especially in the months following while watching all my friends have their beautiful proposals and weddings.
My husband and I have since spoken about the difficulties I've been dealing with privately and planned a photoshoot on our first anniversary.. but I still feel sad when thinking about the things that were forgotten or ignored. We have been together for years and years so marriage was something I held onto.. I didn't want it perfect, I just wanted it to mean something. I wanted to be special for a day. I badly wish I could go back and speak up about what I wanted and stand my ground.. I just feel so upset because I hoped for marriage all my life and it all started with me not even being involved with decisions that affected me.
My question is what would be an appropriate action to take to achieve these moments without being ridiculous? I've considered having a reception to invite our family members who didn't attend due to the situation at the time. I've also considered us just having another private ceremony in a getaway "elopement" setting. But my head always tells me "it wont even matter because we're already married and I'm stuck with the fact that my wedding wasn't important to anyone else."
I'm just ready to stop being sad about it.
