Wedding drama!

If you tell her she doesn't need to be in the wedding, the friendship will almost definitely be over or at least strained to the point of never being the same. I think you need to look at the friendship as a whole, because if she is you MOH then she is presumably you longest/closest friendship. Are these reasons to toss it all away?

My personal opinion is everything outside of backing out of the bach party (assuming she committed to the cost and trip prior) are pretty minor. If you needed more input for wedding planning, ask your fiance, She probably knows it's not her wedding and didn't want to intervene with you vision for the day. When my friend sends me photos, I agree because they are so excited about it.

She showed up for getting bridesmaids dresses but had to leave early, ok. People have other commitments. It's nice if everyone can come at the same time and stay for the duration, but it happens. So she didn't go with you to pick up your dress, not a big deal (IMO)

You took it upon yourself to host your shower. This is not a requirement for the bridal party. In my circle if no one offers to host one, you don't get one. If they didn't have the time and funds to host you a shower, that's okay. Plenty of brides don't have them.

The only thing I agree with being annoyed at is backing out of the bach trip. Did she give a reason why? It sounds like she committed to the trip. Did she commit to the budget as well?

View Quoted Comment I see where you’re coming from. I think I’m more upset because I just did all these things for her for her wedding less than a year ago. Maybe I expected too much. As far as the Bach party, I asked the whole party if they could swing a whole weekend when I was asked what I wanted to do my bachelorette party. We’re only going one town over from where we all live so distance isn’t a huge deal. It just threw a curve ball at me because I thought everything was already planned and ready when nothing had been planned at all because my MOH wasn’t responding to any of the other bridesmaids or letting them know what was going on.

I would definitely have a conversation and find out what’s going on. It may not even have anything to do with you. Either way, you don’t deserve to be in the dark and she doesn’t deserve to be kicked out without at least trying to resolve any issues.


At the end of the day, it’s YOUR wedding and you deserve to feel special, deserve to be celebrated, and you deserve to have the support from your bridal party! That is their job when they agreed to step into that role.

View Quoted Comment Also, this is exactly why I decided to plan the logistics portion of my bachelorette party (location, hotel, flight, etc.) because I’m not leaving that up to chance when I already see people are barely even responding or acknowledging messages. Now the partying and other celebratory details I will leave up to them. But I’ll be damned if it’s the week of and nothing is booked! Nope! Not happening on my watch!

I think it's normal to want your effort, enthusiasm, etc. to be reciprocated, but the reality is that people operate on different levels, and sometimes that won't meet our expectations. It's understandable to feel hurt by that, but it's usually not something people do to intentionally cause the hurt. It's possible she's going through something as well. Since she's your MOH, I'm assuming you're close to one another, and removing her from your bridal party would likely cause serious damage to your relationship. Your wedding is just about a month away, so it might be best to just let this slide and make it to the finish line.

Removing her from the bridal party will likely end the friendship, only you can determine if all of this is worth losing a friend over. She wasn't required to do anything to help plan your wedding.

Pre-wedding parties are optional only. If she couldn't make it, that's OK. For the bachelorette, a weekend is hard for people to arrange with work and other commitments. You planned your own bridal shower, which is questionable etiquette-wise, but maybe I got the wrong impression there.

Honestly the picking out/picking up the dress trips were probably overkill. It sounds like you had a lot of expectations.

Mentioning it to her made her defensive, as she's done nothing wrong.

Hmm I agree with prior posters on this one. One clarification though: when you said she backed out of the bachelorette party that's about 2 weeks away...are you upset because she won't be able to attend (but there will still be a bachelorette party that someone else is planning) or are you upset that you thought she had been planning a bachelorette party for you, but now that she's backing out, it's being revealed that there are no plans, and you're not sure if the event will even happen?

View Quoted Comment Now that she’s backing out, we’re all finding out that there’s been no plans whatsoever. I have two kids and very rarely get the time to go out so it was pretty important to me. As far as the bridal shower from the previous poster, invitations were sent out by my MOH but then no planning happened. I couldn’t have all my guests showing up to nothing so I stepped in last minute. Regardless, I’ve decided to sit back and let everything play out. I may have had too many expectations because I just did all of these things for her last summer for her wedding but I’ve learned that you can’t expect the same energy back that you give out. Moving on and staying on a positive note!

Is this behaviour normal for her? Maybe check in and make sure she is ok, could there be thing going on in her life that you are not aware of. Good luck to you!

Ok so most likely it will end a friendship as I agree with the other lovelies if you kick her out, but here’s the thing as one of my bridesmaids who I wanted to be the MOH is doing a similar situation. First thing is everyone has a life I have come to terms with that, secondly I don’t care anymore. Do what makes you happy if she doesn’t go she doesn’t go, I’ve learned not to expect anything, I know your upset but don’t allow someone to take your joy away. My bridesmaid still has yet to get fitted and etc.. have I talked with her about things…yes I have, but I’m over it. I’d rather do what needs to be done to enjoy my special day. You don’t need approval, or help. Almost all of the wedding was done by my mom and me. Trust me it’s a lot of work. But I managed and now I’m just finishing little things up and calling it a day to relax until the big day. So breathe talk to her find out what’s going on and proceed from there. Before you start the conversation on you ask her how she is doing and see what’s going on. You’ve got this girl! You only have drama if you want the drama! Even though it’s upsetting and frustrating just allow whatever is supposed to happen happen trust me it feels so much better. Keep your head up! I’m praying for you. But go enjoy yourself and be happy for you. Sending love and blessings

Ugh. I feel like I’ve been in your shoes before! You’re there for someone’s big event (wedding, baby, whatever) and when it’s your turn they’re just too busy or don’t seem to care. 🥺 Yes, I’d ask if anything is going on with her. And I’d share how you’re feeling. Her snapping back isn’t fair because you’re not asking her to do anything you didn’t, and you feel unimportant to her. I’d see what she says to that and hope she comes around. If not, she can stand by you at your wedding but I doubt things will be the same.

Her backing out of the bach is annoying, as is her leaving early when selecting bridesmaid dresses. Asking her to come with you to pick out your dress is reasonable, but there should be no expectations attached. You expecting her to give input on planning your wedding and come with you to pick up your dress are overkill. As for you planning and paying for your own shower, or any other pre wedding party, you should let someone else handle it or accept that the party is simply not happening. She's not that invested in your wedding (and she has no reason to be) and/or she's burnt out. Not everyone is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are, even if you put more effort into theirs


I can see why you are annoyed overall, but she hasn't done anything wrong enough to get kicked out of the party or worth losing a friendship over

Honeyyyyyy! And I say that with attitude if I understand. The term “best friend” is heavily tested when wedding planning. My bff of 30 years, did the same exact things and worse. I cut my ties and said good bye. Save yourself the dramatics and enjoy your wedding process!

My MOH is my longest friend but she’s never been a MOH before. She attempted to plan my bachelorette but it all fell through because she said I treated her like a planner and not a friend. I didn’t think I was treating her like one but I apologized anyway and relinquished her from her MOH duties and she’s basically a MOH in name only. We’re still friends but she’s not in charge of planning anything. Sometimes best friends just aren’t good at wedding planning, or planning things in general. That’s my entire wedding party. I love them but they can’t plan for squat lol

I'm sorry you are going thru this. Your wedding is so close. Go with your heart do what you feel is right.. remember it's your wedding day not hers don't let her ruin your special day.

Removing her will end the friendship. Unfortunately everyone has different expectations and those need to be addressed before you even start. You as a MoH helping out was above and beyond because that is not the norm. It’s fiancé’s responsibility to help plan. MoH can and should plan pre-wedding events, but everything needs to be laid out before it happens. If you want to stay friends, let it go and let the chips fall where they do.