Wedding dress shopping with mom advice?

I agree with this. Make it very clear that this is neither the time or the place for them to be mentioned and if she does, that you'll pack up your things and leave.

I think maybe if this is causing you so much anxiety, it might be worth not relying upon her for the dress, so if she brushes you off, I'd probably say you appreciate the offer, but would prefer to buy your own dress than have to deal with this at what should be a joyous time.

None of my business at all, but did she stay with your father after she knew about the abuse? Honestly I don't think I could keep a relationship with my mother either if that were the case. But in any case, agree with PP, set your expectations before the day, and if she can't comply, ask her to leave. But be prepared to have to pay for the dress if she gets upset. So sorry you have to deal with all this

I am really really sorry.

I applaud you for eliminating your abusers from your life.

Its good that your mom is going to therapy.

If you have a therapist, I would perhaps mention this to your therapist and see if they have any professional advice.

Otherwise, Samantha's advice is very sound. Create and clearly communicate firm boundaries and consequences for violating those boundaries. If you continue to involve your mom in your life, she needs to be held accountable when she violates those boundaries.

I commend you for still talking to your mom and removing the toxic relationships. She seems to be making an effort to deal with the issues and maintain a relationship. It also sounds like she is trying to avoid mentioning those who bring on a strong reaction.

I had a situation with my dad's family. After my parents split, my dad's siblings did nothing but bad mouth my mom. I mean, I was a child and as adults they should have known better. They did it most of my childhood. When I became and adult and it happened again and I almost strangled an aunt. It was then I learned I couldn't control what they did or said, but I could control how much I let it bother me and how I reacted.

With all that being said, have you sought therapy yourself? She is trying, so I have to give her credit, but maybe you should seek help with the PTSD so you can learn how to manage your own reaction to those you wish not be mentioned. If she is still married to him and still maintains a relationship with your siblings, you can't really expect her to NEVER mention them. These comments come from love or her wishing things were different.