Wedding Duty Assignments

What do you mean by duties?

What duties and who are you wanting to assign them to? Family, bridesmaids? Vendors?

Good news for you!! Definitely don't assign duties to anyone. You and your FI are the once getting married, and everything should be done and planned by you for your wedding decision making. The exception to this is pre-wedding events. Engagement parties, showers, bachelor/ette parties are all planned by other people who OFFER to throw these for you. If they don't offer, thats totally fine - you just don't have them!

What do you mean by duties? We only assigned duties to vendors who we were paying to carry out said duties.

The only duties the couple should assign are to the vendors you are hiring. If you need additional help/support, you can also hire a wedding coordinator to assist you with all of it.

I think the only "duties" I'm assigning out are for one of the groomsmen hand out tips to vendors and my family has agreed to pack up gifts and decor at the end of the night for us. Otherwise I don't expect anyone to do anything. You and your fiance should be doing everything yourself or paying vendors to provide services.

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No idea. I just keep seeing check lists that say "assign duties"

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No idea. I just keep seeing check lists that say "assign duties".

Wondering what I am missing. Lol.

You don't assign duties to anyone. Being a guest or attendant is not unpaid labor. That is why you hire vendors including a day of coordinator. Some will go so far as to end their friendship if you treat them like hired help rather than friends.

Guests and attendants' only duty is to show up and have fun.

So basically - I am not crazy for having no idea what these things are talking about when they say "assign duties". Got it! Lol.

I was like... why am I asking people to do things, and what exactly should I be asking them to do? Lol.

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In that case, I don't think you're forgetting anything! Those lists are probably more catered towards the types who ask their bridesmaids to submit wedding cake designs or insist their dad help clean the venue after the reception. If there are little roles you'd like people to perform (like handing out programs, not like staffing a bar), then you can ask people as these little things come up.

View Quoted Comment I think the only things I would maybe need help with are things like what was stated above like having someone in charge of tipping vendors, snagging gifts, and cleaning up the decorations at the end of the night. I always stay and help with clean up even when I'm not asked, so idk of I need to ask anyone to do that. But then its my butt on the line if anything gets left. Unfortunately we can't come back the next day to pick stuff up.

Well since you mentioned that you’re a “control freak”, it’s probably best that you don’t ask others to assist, because you’d probably be a little overbearing by nature. It’s odd to assign “duties“ to anyone since they’re your invited guests and not paid vendors. But I think that topic comes up with people who (for whatever reason) are trying to incorporate certain people into their wedding by giving them a wedding duty to make them feel “special”. It’s totally unnecessary so don’t even worry about trying to find tasks for others.

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All of these are tasks that our DOC (day of coordinator) took care of. My advice would be to hire a DOC to help you out with these--that's what they're there for!

View Quoted Comment Oh! Really?! I have one. Lol. I get one through my venue. Ill talk to them about this stuff then.
Thank you all so much. Wedding planning would be impossible without all of you on this WW forum!

View Quoted Comment I second this suggestion! I know a lot of people balk at the idea of paying a coordinator to do things they could do themselves, but truly it is some of the best money you will spend for your wedding! The experience you will have with a coordinator versus without a coordinator is night and day. Having been a bridesmaid many times, I have seen firsthand the insane amount of things that come up on the day of the wedding. And if there isn’t a coordinator to handle it or for people to direct their issues/questions to, guess who they all go to.... the bride! There’s already enough going on for brides the day of her wedding, they don’t need the added stress of fielding phone calls and text messages of everybody’s questions and issues. It doesn’t matter how well thought out your plan is, something is always missed or forgotten or doesn’t go as planned, And it’s great having a person in charge of handling it without bothering you/stressing you out. Also, no one wants to worry about packing up gifts and cleaning up the venue after your wedding. You should be leaving for a fantastic evening with your new husband or wife, not cleaning exhausted after a very long day.

The only person who had duties was my DOC!

I totally had the same thoughts too! I see everywhere "assign bridesmaids any additional duties necessary". Like what does that even mean?! I think it's solely up to you and your fiance IF and WHAT you want to ask your wedding party and parents to help with! Depending on your venue or vendor situation, it may also involve any last minute or day of details, like helping set up/tear down, giving out tips, being the go to contact person so no one is bugging you, hold my dress while I pee duty. A lot of things that could be handled by a day of coordinator I'd assume!

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I think I understand your confusion. Especially on WW people feel like their friends/family will be bored or offended if they are not given jobs. Such as readers, greeters, personal assistants, bridesmaids and the list goes on. Honestly nearly all of your friends/family would actually prefer to not have any responsibility except as a guest enjoying themselves. So many cannot wrap their heads around that.

I get you, Amanda! The first time I saw "Assign duties to your wedding party" on the checklist (can't remember if it was the WW one or the one on The Knot...) I was super confused. I honestly don't know exactly what it's referring to, so I kind of figured out my own thing. For example, after you've walked down the aisle and are standing with your almost-husband, who will straighten out your train and hold your bouquet? Usually that's the MoH, but you can choose someone else if you want. Are you absolutely notoriously horrible at drinking enough water? (I for sure am!) Maybe consider asking one of your bridesmaids to help you keep on top of that by making sure there's a water bottle handy for you. Will you need help holding your dress when you go to the bathroom? Pick the one you're closest to and ask her to help you. Are some of your decorations DIY things that you want to hold onto? You could ask a lady who you know will stay until the end to make sure they all end up in the right place for you to pick them up later.

Basically, those are the types of things I would put in that category. If you have controlling tendencies (honestly, we all do, just in different areas) then I'd suggest either not assigning duties at all or only asking people to do things you're not too particular on. (An example for us might be our centerpieces - we're having custom-made models of MotoGP tracks and the table name is the name of whatever track is on that table. We're not doing numbers because of this. I could not possibly care any less which table has what track on it, so placing those centerpieces is something I could ask someone else to do. I know it will get done, and it's one less thing I have to worry about.) I hope that makes sense and is at least mildly helpful!