Wedding Etiquette

Really etiquette is just basic manners. I followed the same protocol for my wedding that I would follow if I invited people into my home. If I’m hosting a party of any kind I provide food (depending on the time of day determines what kinds of food I serve) and a variety of drinks. I make sure we have enough seats for everyone we have over.

I don’t feel like mine comes from any particular place. I just feel like somethings are considered “uncouth” so to speak, and I think a lot of it has to do with common sense.
There are also some “etiquette “ standards that people consider to be etiquette that I actually consider to be quite rude.

I just always try to put myself in a guest point of view when making decisions.

For me, it maybe comes down to how I would want to be treated. How would I feel if I was only invited to a shower (a gift-giving event by definition), but not the wedding? How would I feel if only I was invited to a friend's wedding, but my fiancé was excluded? Etiquette is not the same as traditions, which I do agree vary widely. Etiquette is about being a good host to your guests. I think a lot of couples lose sight of the guest/host dynamic, and that's where etiquette rules get broken.

Most actual etiquette comes the books and newspaper columns published by Emily Post and Miss Manners. They have been is use forever and still continue to publish.

Etiquette is how you navigate social situations to avoid awkward/offensive interactions. It will exist as long as humans interact with each other. It cannot be changed because someone doesn't like it. Don't ask guests for money, don't charge your guests, significant others are a package deal, don't mention the dress code, and the list goes on.

Tradition is what a group/culture repeats for so long that becomes ingrained practice. Most of the time people follow tradition without knowing why other than "it's what everyone does". It can be changed anytime at will. Most wedding traditions (matching bridesmaids, garter tosses, bride's veil, cutting the cake and so on) have origins in prehistoric and medieval times and can easily be tossed out but pressure exists to keep them. You will still be happily married if you skip all of them.

Tradition also exists in your social circle or families. Alot of the things I have seen among my relatives/friends are tradition. They follow etiquette to a T but traditions are largely their own and it's always interesting to step outside of that and see what other traditions are that people take for granted and everyone else does exactly like them.

Alot of what you are describing is largely new trends and traditions.

Bachelor/ette trips have no etiquette because they were born from wedding tv shows (Four Weddings and similar) but single evening parties do have etiquette attached. Guest lists have always had etiquette and it has not changed. Save the dates are a recent addition.

The confusion stems from people using terms interchangeably that have completely different meanings and not understanding or caring what the difference is. Etiquette and tradition are not the same. Many people unfortunately are of the mindset of "this is what I believe and I am not open to other thinking".

Honestly, good etiquette is just treating your guests with basic decency. Don’t invite someone to a shower so they can bring you a gift when they aren’t invited to the actual wedding, don’t invite guests to your wedding and expect them to pay for things. It’s really a matter of common sense I think.

Love this! I definitely see comments and questions about etiquette that honestly seem rude in my opinion due to the application of a strict definition when in reality wedding etiquette absolutely varies between places, cultures, families, socio-economic groups, etc. We’re all different and that’s totally okay! There is no ‘right’ way to have a wedding!

My belief on what the ‘proper’ way to host a wedding comes from a combination of family traditions, geographic cultural practices, and my own belief system.

I really think people need to be more flexible with what they deem proper or in good manners because it really depends on each individual. If someone is straight up asking should I do A or B, chime in, but if neither A nor B conforms someone else’s personal etiquette beliefs that person doesn’t need to crap all over the options - the original poster probably knows best about what is socially acceptable in their own situation 🤗

I completely agree! I see some people on here who act as though they have written the law on etiquette, and any other way is wrong (and they will really take you to task if you dare to voice an alternate opinion!). Personally, I think there are a few basic etiquette standards everyone should follow, such as avoiding “gift grabby” behavior (ie, don’t invite people to your wedding shower if they will not be invited to the wedding), don’t expect your guests to open their wallet at an event you invited them to (ie, don’t expect your guests to pay for food, drinks, etc.), always invite both parties in a couple (imagine how rude it would be, and how hurt you would feel, if your spouse’s friend invited them to their wedding but said you couldn’t go), always provide a meal for guests if your wedding/reception takes place during meal times, don’t treat your wedding party like props for your photos. Really, it all just boils down to you being a gracious host/hostess and treating others in the same courteous, respectful manner you would hope to be treated. In addition to these basic etiquette standards, certain families, social circles, geographic locations, cultures, etc. may have additional etiquette standards that are routinely practiced. For example, some people may think it is poor etiquette to request guests to wear/not wear a certain color. However, in certain cultures, specific colors absolutely should not be worn by guests. Since that is the expected/traditionally followed etiquette in that culture, obviously it would not be considered rude for them to make that requirement. While there may be general etiquette guidelines that hold true across the board, there are also many that don’t.

Mine comes from my culture. typically everyone arrives late and gives cash gifts and don't really RSVP haha that's exactly how it was for mine too.

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As usual, Michelle is 100% spot on.

Etiquette is not something that should change with the times. Traditions should always be evolving.

Those things that should never evolve, such as not having a guest open their wallet at anytime during your wedding (other than showing an ID at the bar), are the etiquette.

You want to buck tradition and skip your parent dances, or the bouquet/garter toss that's always okay because it's your wedding and you can do it how you want.

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Could not agree more! We need to stop shoving unsolicited opinions down people's throats and end it with "because etiquette". What I know as social graces may be totally insane to you and vice versa - which is why no one person gets to dictate what should or shouldn't be done at someones event. Etiquette is not the same around the board.

Etiquette is not universal, it is wholly culture-dependent and trying to force one specific view of etiquette is narrow-minded and uncouth - furthest thing from well-mannered imo.


When it comes down to it, no one is going to be able to plan and execute a wedding where someone isn't displeased or finds something to complain about. Stating that etiquette is written in stone and unchanging is also incorrect. If one's belief is that of etiquette being based off navigating social situations then you are also stating that social behavior is unchangeable (and universal) - this is absolutely not the case. Humans are complex and varied beings, we do change, our behavior is certainly subject to change, therefore etiquette itself must also be malleable.
If you want to believe in certain etiquette rules do so, but claiming that these rules are concrete and have been around “forever” is completely false. You want to adhere to some late 19th century/early 20th century code of conduct, by all means have at it, but these rules are hardly the only acceptable forms of behavior.

View Quoted Comment SPOT. ON. Yes, etiquette is based off of navigating social interactions. And society/societal norms is ever-changing. As society changes, it only makes sense that the etiquette pertaining to it will also have to change over time. Standard etiquette hundreds of years ago would not have even allowed women basic human rights at a wedding! So thinking that etiquette rules never change is incredibly misguided.

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Wow, you are completely spot on!! I couldn't have said it better.

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This! Perfectly said. I think people often use the term etiquette as a masks to what they, themselves, prefer. Everyone's personal preferences are totally founded, but for them - not as a universal standard to event planning. Couldn't agree with you more!

View Quoted Comment Could not have said it better myself.


Etiquette is often objective and from well-known sources. It is necessary for human interaction. One person not following it usually means causing other people inconvenience or offense, which is why blowing off etiquette is wrong.
This is why inviting half a couple is wrong, this is why asking guests to pay for anything is wrong, this is why asking for money is wrong. Each disrespects and devalues your guests. If you break these rules, you are rude.
If you skip traditions or common practices, that isn't rude. Having a wedding cake is tradition, but not having it isnt insultung your guests.

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At Greek weddings, guests literally throw or pin cash to the bride's wedding dress as she dances. That's just one example of why your specific terms of what's "rude" is totally irrelevant to anyone other than you. If you find something offensive, absolutely don't do it. But you shouldn't tell anyone else they are wrong for doing things differently.

To me, people thinking they get to dictate what's acceptable for me to do at my personal wedding ceremony is what's rude and offensive.

I was raised by wolves (ok people who had no desire to be anything but jerks) so I bought books by Emily Post and Judith Martin to learn the ropes.
And I follow the “Good manners are the happy way of doing things” which serves me well. I aim to put people at ease and to treat them kindly when I am hosting, and that works well.

View Quoted Comment We aren't in Greece. In the US, asking for money puts people in an awkward position and is wrong in general, so it's also wrong for weddings. Wedding etiquette doesn't need to be internationally universal to be correct in a given country.


Differing standards between countries also doesn't make them neutral. I'm comfortable with the etiquette of chewing with our mouths closed, even if it isn't universal, because open mouth chewing is disgusting. As a more stark example, the US has higher standards for women's rights than Somalia. One is right, the other is wrong.
Nobody is forcing you not to be rude, but you can't be upset when people tell you you're being rude if you are.

View Quoted Comment I think what Morgan is trying to say is that her being Greek means that weddings in her families and social circles do not view throwing or pinning money to the couple as bad etiquette or “rude”. So, for her wedding, what is considered appropriate etiquette would be different from what would be considered appropriate etiquette at your wedding. Etiquette is considered the “appropriate way to navigate social situations”. In Morgan’s social situation, an entirely different etiquette applies. Etiquette is not law, and can differ from one group to another, even within the same country. It’s a bit tone deaf to state that proper etiquette in another person’s culture or religion is not valid because “they are in America”.

View Quoted Comment Morgan didn't say 'in Greece' she said 'Greek' weddings. Greek weddings do in fact happen in other countries beside Greece, including in the USA. People of Greek origin live all over the world and bring their customs and mannerisms with them.