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Savvy December 2015

Wedding Guest Asked to Babysit?

Woman On The Go, on June 3, 2019 at 10:09 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20
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I'm attending a wedding this summer where there are three kids invited, the children of the bridesmaids, one of whom is my niece. The bride and groom made a cutoff time for kids at the reception, and asked if my husband and I would take them back to the hotel. I said okay even though I don't have kids because they're all around 10 years old and I figured leaving a couple hours early wouldn't be bad. This past weekend I was asked if I would look after the kids the day before for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner as well. I've never been asked to babysit at a wedding I've attended, is it rude to say no to the bride? I definitely feel like I've now paid to go to a destination wedding under false pretenses. Any advice for how to politely decline? Or should I say yes and try to make it work with the plans I'd made for the weekend?

20 Comments

Latest activity by Pattie, on June 4, 2019 at 5:43 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I would say no. “Sorry but we won’t be available to watch the children”. These aren’t your kids. It’s not your responsibility to make sure they’re cared for during all wedding activities.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Wow! That is crazy rude in my mind! I agree with pp that I'd say you'd rather not do that. You were invited as a guest, not as paid nanny. I'm sorry for you! (Is this bride a relative or a friend? Either way, this just seems crazy that their expectation is that you'd travel for their wedding and then spend most of it babysitting. NOT YOUR JOB!) Good luck!

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  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
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    Haha no way. Say no. You're paying to travel and babysit? No thanks.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    That is pretty weird. Say yes to what you're comfortable with doing.
    For me, I do not allow kids at my ceremony and instead of asking church members or any guests to babysit them at the nursery at church I hired a nanny for that hour. I didn't want to inconvenience anyone.
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  • Victoria
    VIP October 2018
    Victoria ·
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    I would say no, that you have made plans for your time there. Children are the responsibility of their parents. If you had offered that would be different, but for the bride and groom to ask you is incredibly rude, and I've used that term only once or twice in the whole time I've been on these forums because I hate it! But it's true in this case.
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  • Brianna N
    Super October 2019
    Brianna N ·
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    I would say no. This is honestly crazy to me! I could never ask a guest to babysit, after all you are paying to travel to be there for this wedding. It is incredibly rude for her to then ask you to babysit.

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  • C
    Super January 2020
    Cassie ·
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    I would say no. You were invited as a guest. They should be arranging for someone not invited to the wedding. I was asked to babysit for weddings (where I wasn’t a guest), the parents paid for my travel, food, hotel room, and for my time. Sine the girls were in the wedding I babysat after the rehearsal while the parents attended dinner, I also watched another child which they also paid me for, then for the wedding after the ceremony I watched them again. The rest of the time was my own free time.
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  • W
    Savvy December 2015
    Woman On The Go ·
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    The bride is a close family friend who lives in another state. I think she's trying to be as accommodating as possible to the bridesmaids/their dates. I was pretty surprised to be asked about leaving the reception early, too surprised I think to even consider declining. I anticipated staying with my niece for the ceremony and some of the reception since my sister is in the wedding, but I think I need to draw a line before I have three kids for two days. I don't really want to spend my time figuring out how to entertain/pay for other people's children.
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  • Brittany
    Dedicated June 2019
    Brittany ·
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    That's kind of ridiculous honestly. I would say no, you paid to go to her wedding (destination wedding, no less) and you should be allowed to enjoy it as a guest, which is how she invited you.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Echoing everyone else. And also wanted to say that it's never rude to say no to a request for a favor. If someone gets mad at your refusal, that's on them and doesn't mean you have done anything wrong.

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  • MAMW
    VIP August 2013
    MAMW ·
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    This is honestly so rude and ridiculous. The parents of those children should be the ones trying to figure out babysitting arrangements. The bride shouldn't even be involved in it. You are not obligated to do anything at all related to these children. If the bride gets mad, that's her fault for creating this unnecessary problem at all. If she didn't want kids, she shouldn't have invited them (and honestly, giving a "cut-off time" for them leaving is pretty much saying you don't want them there).

    In the mood I'm in right now, I would honestly call and say you had a change of plans and won't be leaving the reception early to babysit these kids and if they insist, then make her pay for you to fly out there since they're basically treating you like a vendor. I can't even with this, I'm sorry.

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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    I would absolutely say that due to unforeseen circumstances (you thinking things through more fully), you realized you cannot leave the reception early and you also will be unavailable for baby sitting duties during the rehearsal and dinner as well.

    That is so incredibly rude.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Totally agree!
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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
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    Haha no. Just no. Im assuming you are paying for your own travel and hotel? If so, then she has no right to ask.
    Plus you shouldnt put responsible to watch all these kids. What if something happens?
    Just tell her you cant watch them and that you are there strictly for the wedding. She will need to hite a babysitter if she is making all the kids leave
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I second PPs - it was not appropriate for them to give you babysitting duties. Put your foot down and remember childcare is not your responsibility! It's the responsibility of the bride and groom to hire someone. Best of luck!

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    This is about the rudest thing I have heard. Just say no, and would add you have rethought taking kids back to the hotel could get messy. The parents should do that.

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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Exactly this!! So rude!!

    It might be different if one (or more) of these kids were yours. But no? Where are these kids' parents going to be while you're babysitting? Nope. Sorry. I wouldn't do it. You're not being rude at all. This bride is being rude for even asking.

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  • W
    Savvy December 2015
    Woman On The Go ·
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    One of the kids is my niece, but my husband and I don't have kids. The kids belong to the bridal party. I'd been asked a few months ago about taking the kids at the reception cutoff, but I had no idea that a month before the wedding there were actually other wedding events the kids weren't going to be invited to and that I'd be asked to fill in for as babysitter. Thanks for the replies! I told them today that we don't mind helping at the reception, but the rest of the trip is ours.
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  • Bridget
    VIP August 2019
    Bridget ·
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    You should just tell her that you’d be happy to watch them the night of the wedding but you’ve made plans for the other days and are unavailable. The fact that she asked for all that is insane.
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  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
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    I'd just look up nanny's or babysitters in the area online. Run them by the bride or do this together. Sounds inconvenient

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