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Just Said Yes August 2022

Wedding Guest Confusion

Yvette, on October 29, 2021 at 1:39 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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I'm trying not be a Bridezilla and sometimes have to ask myself several times if I'm overreacting because some of the questions I'm asked I can't seem to wrap my brain around. For starters, we're having a destination wedding and have, so far, only sent out Save the Dates. One of the guests said they couldn't make it and offered to give their Save the Date to a couple who did not receive a Save the Date and we had no intention of inviting. Asked if they can hand off their Save the Date unless we have "someone else in mind" to replace her. I thought if a guest cannot make it, the bride and groom would then decide who, if anyone, would replace that seat. I don't know how to politely reply to this "request". It's an aunt so I have to be very careful how I respond and I just don't know how to. Another guest asked if our children were attending the wedding so they can bring their children. Our children are OUR children and are expected to attend their parents' wedding.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Cece, on October 29, 2021 at 9:02 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on October 29, 2021 at 1:47 PM
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I would just tell the aunt you’re not replacing anyone on your guest list with anyone else. As far as kids go, I guess this is a crowd thing. Kids are always invited to destination weddings in my circle because it’s nearly impossible for most of our friends/family to find childcare for several days in a row. If you don’t want to invite other kids, I’d simply let them know their children aren’t on the guest list.
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Super July 2020
Cool · on October 29, 2021 at 1:52 PM
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I’d politely tell her the save the date was addressed specifically to those invited and that if they cannot attend l, they will be missed.
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on October 29, 2021 at 2:02 PM
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To the request of giving the Save The Date to someone else, I would respond with something along the lines of, "Unfortunately, we cannot replace anyone on our original guest list. We are bummed that you cannot make it!"

For the question about children, if your kids have a role in the wedding (flower girl, ring bearer, etc): "We are not able to accommodate children at our wedding, except for those who are in the wedding party." If they don't have a role in the wedding, then maybe something along the lines of, "Unfortunately, due to capacity limitations, we cannot accommodate children of guests."
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on October 29, 2021 at 7:47 PM
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It sounds like they are not familiar with event protocol. Be clear that the save the date is for them only and non transferable to someone else. You don’t have to walk on eggshells with your response. Be blunt and if she doesn’t respond well, that is on her, not you.

Children in many circles are considered all or none, with no loopholes for anyone. In the real world outside of WW, it is uncommon to have the couple’s children only or the flowergirl only and no other children welcome beyond infants. Because it is seen as playing favorites even if that is not your intention. You need to make a decision and be firm. Be prepared for people to decline.
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