Wedding Guests

You'll learn quickly in wedding planning that it's impossible to make everyone happy. It's a little unclear; can you afford your 88 person guest list or are you asking how to cut it down?

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We can afford the 88 guests, but I am struggling with him shrinking his list so small while mine remains about twice the size. I guess I just feel guilty and selfish? This is the first time that I'll actually be able to have what I want for my wedding and I just feel overwhelmed and I don't want to be inconsiderate.

What does he say about it? Is he upset that you get to invite so many?

Maybe don’t include plus ones unless they are engaged or married. Also distant uncles and aunts you haven’t spoken to in years, etc.

View Quoted Comment He’s only made the comment that my family is much bigger than his, and how close we all are. But he’s not said anything yet about it in a negative manner

View Quoted Comment Alyssa, that’s kind of where I got screwed. Our family is close knit and everyone is either engaged or married (some more recently after the list was made). It’s made it a little frustrating

Is it a possibility that some of those aunts and uncles won't actually be able to attend if invited (due to travel, time off work, etc)? If so, I would consider that in your number count. They would still get an invite, of course, but if you know they aren't coming you might be able to open up a few more spots for your FH or your friends. Just a thought!

View Quoted Comment Jennifer,

I am certainly hoping for that (as bad as that sounds). I know there will be a couple due to health issues but it’s only a few. I do apologize for the long lost, it was just stressing me out!!!

View Quoted Comment Of course. You mentioned cutting small kids-how about you cut all kids?! 😂

Omg I’m having the same issue and also felt super bad that my FH list was half of mine. It’s been so hard and honestly the most stressful part of my wedding. I tried to be as honest with myself as possible. You can’t make everyone happy and people have to understand how much it takes to do a wedding. My wedding is in a month and family still asks about it (which are not invited) it’s hard but I didn’t invite all my family. I invited the ones that are actually close and even though I would love to have everyone I also need sanity haha.
the beginning of making the list is really overwhelming but I’ll get better plus you’ll see that not everyone will be able to go. Give it time and try checking the list a while later to confirm that you really feel you need to invite ALL of them or if you can remove someone

View Quoted Comment That’ll include some of my under 21 cousins which I guess is fine, it’s an open bar and 90% of our guest lists are boozy adults!!

View Quoted Comment Stefanie,

Bless you and congratulations!!!! I hope your wedding is wonderful. But I see your point. That really is the hardest thing. We love our families but it’s just hard to draw the line in the sand. The biggest issue is my moms side, tbh. I’m closer to my dads side and they’re a smaller portion of the list. The majority is a moms side and while -some- of them are delightful, the rest (including my grandmother) are some of the most spiteful and mean people if they don’t get their way.

But like you said, I’ll have to give it time. My wedding is December of next year, I’ll try to stop wringing my hands so much over the list!

View Quoted Comment See there you go I remember a lot of my cousins at that age and they would have gotten fidgety and or started mischief or tried to get to the bar anyway.

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I will say, if I were you (and this is just me) I wouldn't invite the spiteful or mean relatives because I feel obligated to. I would instead use their "seats" to fill with the friends I felt bad about not being to invite, or give a few "seats" to FH.

You have to think, "Am I inviting them because I have to, or because I want to?" if some of these relatives haven't been there for you or supported you in the highs and lows of life, you don't have to include them in one of the highs!

Like I said that's just me, and you could be close with these relatives, but I truly hope you know that we are all rooting for you! Feel free to hop on here if you need to vent, we will be hear to listen and help!

Good luck!

View Quoted Comment No, you’re right, I need to find my spine 😩 thank you sally so much for your support and input!!

So, the very first thing we did was agreed on a number. Ours is 160. He got 80 and I got 80. Then, it was a matter of if we could afford our 160 and once we booked the venue, we determined we could. It didn’t matter about who was on that 80 as long as we stayed in our given guest list amount. If either one of us had remaining seats, we’d give to the other. The first concerns that came up was that we both come from HUGE families. I’m only close with my moms side and he has both his mom and father. But, I am proven to have more family due to so many marriages and engagements. Alone, my family is having five weddings next year lol. So, our mutual friends automatically went on his side of things because he has the space. Kids were automatically cut from the list and unfortunately, we’re not changing this. We know some people won’t attend because of this and that’s not our concern. The next was cutting kids under 18. Yeah, I love everyone but if you’re not immediate or I have my own relationship with you, you had to go. Cousins that haven’t been around for years, drama or mean etc. were gone from the list. The reality is I think y’all have to be realistic about the number you can afford and want to pay for. If that number is 100. Y’all have to split it, 50/50. If he has less than you, by all means add who you want. But, you can’t squeeze everyone in unless you’re willing to pay and can afford them. Unfortunately, you do have more but you’ll have to sacrifice if y’all have a set number of individuals.

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Thank you, Brandi!!!

We had set for 90 between us originally...then the lists started and it grew wildly huge. Which is why we decided to cut children and that brought us from 150 to 100, and we whittled away down from there. But I am trying to shorten my list to be as fair as possible to him regardless of him having less bodies on his list..but lowering the cost would be a plus. Not to sound callous but with the literal exception of my friends and the people on my dad's side of the family, the rest of my family is not often present and honestly I feel are only wanting to be there to say they were present and eat my food and drink my booze.

It's your big day and it's about the start of your life as husband and wife. Who cares what other people think or say?! You should do what feels right to you, and aim to please only yourselves. If there's people on your list you don't necessarily care to have at your wedding, aunt/uncles you maybe don't really talk to or significant others you don't know too well, cut them out. If you're just anxious because you have more people than your FH, don't worry so much about that!! You don't have too many more people on your list than he does. And really all the people you invite are there for both of you, not just one. My husband has way more family than I do, but I have more friends. I think he may still have had a longer list than me. But that's ok! Don't stress so much about it. There's no way to make everyone happy, but you should do what makes the two of you most happy.