Wedding horror stories

I've been to a few awkward or boring weddings, but the one that sticks out to me the most is a couple that asked a bishop from their religion to marry them versus hiring an officiant. They weren't religious at all so the fact they asked the church bishop made me think they did it only because the church bishops were free. I'm not sure.

They had an outdoor wedding and the invitations said to show up at 4 so we did, only to find out the wedding started at 5 but they put 4 so we would be on time. We sat in the amphitheater outside on stone seats for an hour (luckily the weather was nice, there was no roofed/closed areas anywhere) and they got started. The bishop started out okay and then went off on weird tangents about how marriage is really hard, and life is a struggle, and sometimes things don't work out, and sometimes marriage is the worst thing for two troubled people. Well, I don't know anything about him but she had a child from an affair with a married man, had been in jail for check forging, and had a previous meth addiction that she kicked, so his entire talk sounded like he was basically saying she was too screwed up to get married and it was going to be harder than she thought, etc. Completely inappropriate.

Ironically, they split up three days after that wedding and she moved to another state to live with a woman so the guy might have had a point---but he should have just refused to marry them rather than give the most depressing ceremony ever.

This is why you hire a professional lol.

Florida dead of summer, ceremony was outside in an open field, turkey buzzards swarming every where! I assume they thought someone was bound to die from heat exhaustion so it'd be a free dinner! Then reception hall only sat 4 tables inside, the rest were outside on a patio. We were immediate family so we were lucky to be inside but the people outside were pouring sweat. Mens shirts were drenched and womens hair were frizzy and falling. Then they closed the inside after dinner and wanted to play outdoor games! 150 people in dresses, heels and men in suits and they wanted to play volleyball?? I thankfully had a 2 month old so as soon as she started to pitch a fit I used it as my excuse to abandon ship back to the hotel

At a friend's wedding, the unedited version of "Get Low" played during dinner. It got cut off about half way through. About 30 minutes later, it came on again. It was a non-DJ'd wedding and I think a young relative kept putting it on? It was awkward knowing that some seriously conservative/religious relatives were in attendance with young children.

Self served party. Home made goey, gross pasta. Wilted salad. And hard roles. Oh & bottles of water.

I went to one outside this past Memorial Day & it was in the mid 90s temperature. It was at a church's property that was a big field. When we got there we had to sit at picnic tables. The bride & entourage were 1.5 hours late!!!!! While all the guests sat sweating their asses off. The ceremony was like 40 minutes long & it was in the open field, no tent & we ended up having to stand. When we went back to the picnic tables the family started pulling out the food- deli sandwiches, chips, & fruit. Everyone also grabbed all the cupcakes before the bride & groom got there. They had nothing to cut. The photographer was not a professional. In a pic of me, the bride, and another coworker, she completely cut off the other coworker's head. It was also a dry wedding bc of the location. Grandfather gave a speech where he talked more about bride's brother than her. Then they let Gma have the mic. She went on and on about it being Memorial Day and how us young folks can't truly appreciate that because we didn't live during the time of war (excuse me but I've lost 2 friends from war and a few other I know are so f'ed up in the head I don't e en recognize them). Basically, if it could go wrong, it did but if you ask the bride she thinks it went perfectly.

I was enjoying this until I remembered I've got 14 days to go. :internal screaming begins again:

HUGE venue, bride insisted that all 6 areas in it be used. The hill was so steep that they had a smart car take the grandparents up an down it one at a time. I almost fell on it 3 times. Valet showed up an hour late, bride never told them about changing the times. Actually she never told the coordination either so dinner was cold, the dj moved upstairs in a house at the top of the hill for the reception, but no one told us eating dinner at the base of the hill on a grass lawn on the other end of the venue. Her MOH didn't even like the bride, but felt guilted into it because "family" (she's part of the groom's family, not the brides), hubby usher, moh (usher's wife) and I went for in n out after. All three of them were hangry because they had been with the bride and groom since 8am, and no food was provided to them except for the cold dinner which was gross.

Oh and the coordinator was 38 weeks pregnant and nearly crashed her car into the venue at the end of the night because she was so stressed. WE ended up sending her home and cleaning everything up ourselves. Bride and groom (BIl&SIL have still never thanked us)

Wedding of a second cousin, held in July in a rural area in my home state at the farm of some random couple that built a barn on their property with the express purpose of capitalizing on the rustic wedding trend. Ceremony held in open air; reception was Old El Paso taco bar inside said barn/pavilion thingie.

1) Each side of bridal party has 12 people, however the groom's sister and two brothers are not among them.

2) Bridesmaids' dresses were bedazzled neon pink eBay nightmares.

3) Born-again Christian rent-a-preacher's rhetoric turns out to be rather offensive to religious minorities and the groom's predominantly Catholic family.

4) My mom gets two bee stings during the ceremony.

5) The only toilet facility was an unlit outhouse whose smell rendered it unusable within 15 minutes. Apparently guests did their business bare-butt outside in the nearby woods, though that knowledge was acquired secondhand, since my parents and I left within 20 minutes of the end of the ceremony.

Too bad that anyone considering including any of these elements thinks, "oh, that won't happen to me...."

I've told this story before but my cousin had a partial cash bar.

Basically if you were on the Bride's paternal family, your drinks were free. If you were on the bride's maternal or both sides of the groom's family, you got cash bar.

Also, there was an after party that the bride's maternal family openly talked about in front of people not invited.

Super fucked up. We are not at all as close as we were before.

I went to a wedding in August that ran out of beer and wine (all the were serving) during dinner. Tons of people left. Then also ran out of cake early. 40 people no showed so I can't imagine if everyone has shown up!

I attended the wedding of a friend of my FH and had one juice and one meatball, then was told that if you wanted food and drinks you had to purchase them.

My cousin decided to have an outdoor wedding ceremony at a winter ski resort but in late fall in PA/NJ (I forget which) on a freezing cold day. They did supply pashminas on every other chair but just about everyone froze, especially men who graciously gave up suit jackets for women in strapless dresses.

I used to work as a lifeguard during the summer at a small community pool and rec center. I got stuck with a double shift so I got to witness the tackiest wedding I've ever seen or heard of. That morning the staff saw people bringing in flowers, balloons and painted signs. We figured someone was probably having some sort of shower in the community room. This room is SMALL. It's the room where the rec center usually holds morning yoga or Zumba. Sometimes people rent it out for very small parties. Ended up being a full-on wedding. The bride wore a very skimpy white, sparkly cocktail dress. The guests were dressed much better than she was. It looked like they went all out on everything except the venue and the dress. The cake was huge, the floral decorations were extravagant, and the catered food looked amazing. Like did they forget you need a place to host the wedding till the day before? They crammed about 100 people in this tiny space. Between the ceremony and reception, there was a cocktail hour in the lobby of the rec center where kids in bathing suits and carrying huge inflatables had to walk through to get to the pool. I wasn't a guest, but it looked like a mess to me.

I went to my cousins wedding in florida. She decided it was a good idea to have 4 people "win" the garter toss/bouquet toss. These people then decided it was appropriate to strip infront of everyone because they wanted to be sexiest. Oh and there were kids. it was the most bizarre thing ever. Also parking was like 30 dollars for this place and she didnt tell anyone this. We never got served cake

My neighbor told me the day of her wedding the make up artist cancelled on her an hour before she was supposed to arrive, the limo never arrived, the wedding planner forgot to get the cake arranged for delivery so the the Bride had to pick up the cake. She had to get her makeup done in the mall and people who didn't RSVP showed up plus there was a "no children" wedding and people brought their kids. The venue handed them an additional $1600 bill at the end of the night for extra food, tables, chairs, drinks and etc.

Let's start the story by saying my sister is a special snowflake and her now husband is a shitflake. We...as in everyone in our family can't stand him. His grandfather offered to either give them 45,000 for a down payment on a house or 45,000 for the wedding...or any combo between the two. They decided to put it all towards the wedding. Some of the highlights include; springing on us the day of the wedding that her makeup artist has to do all our makeup and hair and needs to be paid in cash, her husband wanting to take pictures on the green of the golf course in his wedding shoes, when the pro asks him not to be on the green in those shoes, my brother in law and him get into a screaming match that soon turns into shoving and the cops being called, money was exchanged and the cops left. The groomsmen then pull out shotguns and start taking pictures with bottles of whiskey and shotguns...reminder this is after the cops incident. By cocktail hour the groom is drunk. Stumbling during the first dance, him and his groomsmen go out onto the green and pee on it as "pay back", the best man takes off his shirt and starts walking around with a tux minus the shirt. Groom wants to get pictures with my sister and his truck but is too drunk to find his keys, once found they have to be forced from his hand. Pictures taken in front of truck, still to drunk to drive. Best man...still shirtless drives the truck back to its parking spot but in doing so drives over a curb...they start fighting over the "damage" to the truck. Later they are both too drunk to drive back to the hotel so his grandfather drives them and his niece and other's back to hotel. Groom pukes on the flower girl/niece in the car as she sleeps in the backseat. At the hotel FH and my other brother in law have to carry him to the honeymoon suite and clean him up. Wish I was joking about any of this.

Went to a wedding in the afternoon. There was a gap where we had to go and BUY OUR OWN DINNER. Then to the reception in the evening where there was a cash bar.

Everyone's pretty much touched on the worst of the worst.

Cheapness

Crappy food (most wedding food is pretty generic but when it's cold, bland, or gross that's a different story)

Cash bar

Outrageously long gaps

Late start times (I went to one wedding that didn't start for 2 hours after guests were seated)

About half of the weddings I've been to had dinner delayed an hour or more because either photography took longer than they expected or the bride and groom wanted to have "alone time" with the bridal party after finishing up photography. Your guests may not say anything to your face, but they WILL be complaining/criticizing you the entire night if you don't feed them on time.

You ask for advice, here's the biggest piece of advice I can give: Your reception is a thank you to your guests. Treat them with courtesy and respect. It's NOT cool to be late for the reception. If you say cocktail hour is 5-6 pm, you need to be in the door and have dinner being served at 6.