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Solo
Savvy October 2020

wedding in 26 Days... fam wants us 2 reschedule due to death in family

Solo, on July 19, 2010 at 6:17 PM Posted in Planning 0 22

I wanted a small wedding bc I have a small fam. and his is huge! We joked saying my side would have 20 people and his 80. His family argues about us not allowing kids & cake, When I said I wanted chocolate cake I was told "You know his brother hates chocolate cake."

My fam is small & now my brother called last week to say him and his wife could not make it but never gave a straight answer why. With my family at this point dropping out it is really making me start to regret this big wedding. I feel like this is for show for his family. We spent over $18,000 and I feel like for what. We married 14 Aug last yr and are having this now for fam & friends, no one besides our BFF knows we are already married. This morning his unc passed and we were asked if we can postpone the wedding which is in 26 days. He wants to press on because everything is basiccly paid. At this point i am stressed and torn.

22 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Speer, on July 19, 2010 at 11:26 PM
  • Meghan
    Master August 2011
    Meghan ·
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    Tell them nicely you can't reschedule. You would lose ALL the money you've already paid! Everything requires deposits, and many things are already paid for.

    But maybe you can consider doing something in memory of his uncle?

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  • Sweetbella
    VIP February 2011
    Sweetbella ·
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    It is not your family decision or his family, it is your decision and you cant get money back that late. I am sorry about the uncle :-(

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  • Almost Mrs. Smith
    Super January 2011
    Almost Mrs. Smith ·
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    If it's paid for, you don't want to waste all that money, and put yourself through months more of stress when you're almost done!

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  • MaryN*****Thanks for that 5th Star*****
    VIP May 2010
    MaryN*****Thanks for that 5th Star***** ·
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    Why do they expect you to cancel your wedding? I don't mean to sound cold, but people do die. Keep the date and have FH explain to his family that everything is set and you can't cancel. If people decide not to come, well there is not much you can do about that. Both my aunt & uncled died within 2 weeks of my sister's wedding and no one even suggested cancelling.

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  • FutureMrs
    Super October 2010
    FutureMrs ·
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    If I were in your shoes, I'd go through with the wedding date as it is..You've already put down all your deposits and everything, and if you cancel you can't get that money back..

    I would do something in memory for his uncle..we're doing this for FH grandpa who passed away this past October.

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  • Danielle
    Super August 2010
    Danielle ·
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    Don't postpone it. While it is sad that his Uncle passed, you should still have your day too.

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  • shaira
    Expert June 2011
    shaira ·
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    I think you should continue with your wedding plans... it may bring some happiness to the sorrow. I would have something in memory of his uncle. It is your special day for you and your honey to celebrate the love you share for each other! Love is a beautiful thing and to celebrate LOVE is a wonderful thing.

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  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
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    I agree..while it is unfortunate his uncle is no longer with you you would stress out a lot more if you had to postpone. Plus I can almost guarantee that the death and funeral preperations will not inhibit the wedding date in the least. When were they expecting you to postpone it to? Were they planning on shelling out the extra money to do so? Not to sound mean but it is the truth.

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  • cuteangelfan
    Super April 2010
    cuteangelfan ·
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    I had something similar happen, my grandpa got cancer about maybe two months before the wedding and my aunt wanted us to reschedule, I told her nicely that we couldnt reschedule. He was very sick the day of our wedding but still no one on my dads side showed up because the doctor told them he wouldnt live past the night, well he didnt pass away until may. My point is I guess that sometimes family can overreact and make suggestions that are so outrageous without knowing what they are requesting.

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  • Lynquin
    Devoted July 2010
    Lynquin ·
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    I am certainly sorry about the loss in his family, but at this point it is too late to turn back. It is very difficult to walk away from the down payment on a house you just used to pay for the wedding, I completely understand similar situation with my own family, and you shouldn't have to. As long as the 2 of you are there thats all that should matter. Stop worrying about who will and won't come, you'll drive yourself crazy. Tell everyone that you understand, but you have invested way too much in this venture to turn back now.

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  • Solo
    Savvy October 2020
    Solo ·
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    Thanks you guys are right, at this point 26 days away we would just be out of our money. Because of the way some contracts are written, I think doing something in his honor at wedding would be nice. Thank you for the advice!

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  • A
    Just Said Yes February 2011
    Ashley ·
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    I completely agree. The wedding is 26 days away and that shouldn't stop you from going on with the wedding at all!!! I really can't believe they would actually ask you to reschedule your entire wedding.

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  • C.T.&J.J1014
    Expert October 2014
    C.T.&J.J1014 ·
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    So sorry it hear about the uncle dying but as stated above you would lose all this money and you said you did this FOR them... I would understand if the uncle died a couple of days before your wedding but have over 3 weeks left I would still press on with the wedding (a family member was on his death bed on my cousin wedding (he had had cancer but feel gravely ill) the night before the wedding and it still went on) I would agree to have some kind of thing for the uncle at the wedding.

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  • B
    Master January 2011
    bluedaisy ·
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    Im sorry.

    I agree with others-dont reschedule. I would however send something out to the family allowing them to change their RSVP if the uncles death means they wont be able to make it anymore.

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  • Officially His Mrs P.
    Master October 2010
    Officially His Mrs P. ·
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    I'm sorry for your loss....its unfortunate that the death occured around the same time as your wedding. Unfortunately, b/c you're so close to your wedding date, you may not be able to r/s.

    Your/his family is going to have to understand that the timing is horrible but at this point, it's too late to try & move everything around...best of luck...

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  • Bride2B
    VIP August 2010
    Bride2B ·
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    Agree with PP...the show must go on.

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  • Solo
    Savvy October 2020
    Solo ·
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    So we decided to go on as planned and enjoy our day. We will play a track off of one of his CD's (he was a Jazz Musician) So I think that would be a nice touch. Thanks again guys! Smiley smile

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  • Julia
    Dedicated November 2011
    Julia ·
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    Yeah, I agree, the show must go on.

    Were you (or your FH) close to your uncle? If you were really close, you could have your officiant acknowledge your uncle and other family members who are not there for your big day. One of my grandmothers recently passed and this is what we are planning to do.

    There are other passive ways to acknowledge lost loved ones, like putting up a picture next to the programs with a candle.

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  • M
    Master November 2010
    Mrs. Turner2B ·
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    That's too bad...I really hope you don't have any regrets when your wedding is over. Try to have as much fun as you can, even if it IS for your FS' family. My wedding will be 75% FS' family, 25% my family because most of my family is in Nicaragua so most of my guests are friends. I'm looking foward to meeting all of FS' family and he hasn't seen a lot of his family in a while so I know he's gonna be so happy.

    I don't think you should reschedule!!! Keep your date and try to enjoy it with FS' family as much as you can.

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  • M
    Master November 2010
    Mrs. Turner2B ·
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    Also...you can choose to remember the uncle in some way during your ceremony or reception if you'd like. Maybe lighting a candle for him or having his framed photo up or even just a moment of silence or mentioning him in the blessing.

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