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Kia9
Super August 2017

Wedding makes changing friendships

Kia9, on March 21, 2017 at 11:06 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 29

Has anyone lost any friends (or realized that friends weren't as good as you originally thought) as a result of the planning process? I had a friend who was always a bunch of fun when I was single but would be a Bitter Betty whenever I was in a relationship. We seemed to be doing OK at the beginning of my relationship with FH, but once she found out I was engaged, her response was "Um, what's the rush to only be engaged for 9 months? Are you pregnant?" and "Why are you getting married near Rochester? It's... not really that nice. It's kind of a dump, actually." After that (on top of her hot and cold behavior based on my relationship status and her inability to support my happiness) she is off the guest list and probably out of my life for good. Any similar stories?

29 Comments

Latest activity by FutureMrsBuchanan, on March 21, 2017 at 11:16 PM
  • Ebony502
    Super November 2015
    Ebony502 ·
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    Sorry you are going through that! They say people are in your life for a reason season or lifetime, I guess your season with her is done. Sending you good vibes and well wishes moving forward.

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  • Linda
    VIP June 2017
    Linda ·
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    What a bitchy "friend". Its unfortunate when people you consider close make comments like that. I find that I dont see my friends as much as i used to with the whole planning process and noticed that some people i was really close with have been super silent throughout the process. Its a shame because I tend to be super happy when something wonderful happens in my friends lives. But unfortunately not everyone is like that and they let the green envy monster show their true colors.

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  • Lisa
    Devoted May 2018
    Lisa ·
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    The only fiend I have lost touch with is because she is in a new relationship and tends to isolate herself when that happens. Just wait until you have kids, if you do plan on having them. For me, that was when all of my friends disappeared off the face of the earth. Some came back around, but I ended up making new friends and having stronger relationships with them.

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  • RaeGin
    Master September 2017
    RaeGin ·
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    I'm sorry your friend responded that way. Weddings are supposed to be happy events. It sucks when someone has to bring you down about the choices you are making.

    I had a friend who prior to her getting engaged I had been fairly close to. During her planning process our relationship changed. When I would try to make plans with her, or just check in, she often wouldn't even respond. I'm not a needy person, I wasn't texting her daily or even weekly, but she legitimately dropped off the face of the earth. By the time her wedding came around I wasn't even sure we were still friends anymore, but was afraid to bring it up and start something potentially negative right before her wedding. We did attend her wedding because I was genuinely happy for her, but my feelings were hurt by how the past few months had played out.

    Now that her wedding is done we've mended fences. Once she was back from her honeymoon we had a long discussion about our friendship. She's gone back to the way she was prior to the wedding. She doesn't ignore my messages anymore, and she does also make the effort to make plans. It definitely made me take notice of how I treat my friendships while we're planning our wedding.

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  • futuremrswmh
    Super October 2018
    futuremrswmh ·
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    I lost a very close friend of mine as soon as FH and I announced we were engaged. She took it upon herself to pull him aside while I was in the restroom (we were all out at a bar with all or friends) and told him he was ruining my life and that he needed to just leave. I was so angry that I told her she could either be supportive or not show up. Only time I've heard from her since was when she texted to invite me to come drink(because she was bartending) without FH because she thinks I need a break from him.

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  • Lisa
    Devoted May 2018
    Lisa ·
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    I will say, though, from the view of someone who lost touch with a friend when she was getting married... it was because the planning turned her into a queen bitch. She was mad that nobody had the "jump up and down crying happy tears" reaction she wanted, and she was mad that her sister (who has never been to a wedding, let alone a shower) didn't offer to throw her shower.

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  • StuckOnYou
    Expert March 2017
    StuckOnYou ·
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    Not so much that I lost friends...more that I learned who I could and couldn't talk about the wedding with. Some people just didn't want to hear about it...which is fine! Other people would ask about it constantly...which is also fine!

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  • Reeves
    Super September 2017
    Reeves ·
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    Yes. One of the girls in my BP seems to have changed tremendously since the group of friends she hangs out with has changed. This may sound bad but another reason I'm excited for my wedding is so I don't have to associate myself with her anymore afterwards.

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  • Kristine
    Super September 2017
    Kristine ·
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    I had a best friend I was extremely close with for many years. We did everything together. She was there the night I met FH, and the night we got engaged. She was my best best best friend. She was also my "wild party" crazy friend. When we got engaged, she always "joked" that I'm being taken away and that "her party buddy" was going to be hitched to a chain. Long story short, we are no longer friends because she was cheating on her fiance with his best friend, and she would tell him that she's at our house. The day that she got caught (someone told her fiance finally), she turned it around on my FH. She said that my fh was making up lies to destroy her life and how I need to "shut him down"... I miss her sometimes, but the last night we were hanging out went very, very badly and I'm not going to string lies to keep a friendship. I'm also not going to let my FH be harassed for something he didn't do.

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  • N
    Master December 2016
    Nancy ·
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    I agree with MrsPotts. Jealousy may play a large role. Everybody is doing this but me. The more I read posts on this forum, the more I think eloping with a simple meal after, is the best way to go.

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  • Kia9
    Super August 2017
    Kia9 ·
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    Thanks for the kind words. I definitely think it is jealousy because she has been struggling with relationships for several years. It sucks because I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding a few years ago (it was cancelled pretty last minute because her FH was a terrible person), and now we don't talk at all. Watching friendships change over life stages is sad, but I know there are many supportive people in my life and now I am clearing room for more Smiley smile ETA: Beklynn, we are super excited to be getting in the area. We just picked it randomly, but FH visited everything back in November and loved it. If he can love it with tons of snow, I am sure it will be perfect for our summer wedding!

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  • Greenleaf
    Devoted July 2017
    Greenleaf ·
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    I feel like one of my bridesmaids has gotten distant as we've gotten closer to the wedding. She hasn't had the best luck romantically so I feel like it might just be hard for her to be involved with the wedding when she feels like she'll never be able to find a partner. It's really tough. I kind of don't know how to make her feel better or make it less difficult (other than generally avoiding wedding talk, which I try to do). She is one of my closest friends so the distance hurts a lot. I'm hoping maybe after the wedding things can go back to normal.

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  • Kristen
    VIP April 2017
    Kristen ·
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    I did have one friend early on in the process make comments about why we were spending money on a wedding when we should be buying a house... i just stopped talking to her about it. I've had more issues with family members than anything else.

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  • Jaclyn
    Super September 2018
    Jaclyn ·
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    Sounds like jealousy to me

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  • Jennifer VR
    VIP April 2017
    Jennifer VR ·
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    Sounds like someone you needed to get out of your life! I haven't really had any negative experiences like that. I do feel at times like I'm not being a good friend right now. Between working full time, studying part time and wedding planning, I don't always have time to call / message friends for a chat.

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  • Gracie Lou Freebush
    VIP October 2017
    Gracie Lou Freebush ·
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    My sister turned into a bitter betty too Smiley sad

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  • P
    Master April 2018
    Powers2 ·
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    No, but I'm "older" and all of my friends have been married for years so there's not really any jealousy.

    It's pretty common though.

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  • OG Dianna
    Master March 2017
    OG Dianna ·
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    My MOH completely stopped talking to me after the wedding... won't respond to my texts or return my calls. I'm confused as to why and no one seems to know. But apparently from others I heard she was a Debbie Downer that night, complaining about meeting H's extended family and other friends at the wedding. And she completely excluded herself from the reception area (2nd floor ballroom); another BM found her on the 1st floor with another BM. Of course, I had no idea any of this was going on but I was looking for her at different points throughout the night and she was just nowhere to be found. I guess we'll see if she ever gives me an explanation.

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  • Future Mrs. Mash
    VIP September 2017
    Future Mrs. Mash ·
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    A wedding is a huge life event. As with any event that changes your life, friends come and go. I have personally lost a few friends along the way because they didn't want to be a part. It's okay and I won't lose any sleep over it, but it certainly shows you who your friends really are!

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  • Yvette
    Devoted November 2017
    Yvette ·
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    I have experienced the same. Actually thinks she jealous although she is married and has two children. She never had a wedding and think at times she feels she missed out

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