Wedding officiant drama

No, never experienced this. Thank goodness in the state I'm marrying in, an officiant isn't required! One less expense and hassle for us.

Omg, hopefully your wedding turns out how you want it to be because she seems like a bit much. I understand where she's coming from saying that you need to meet before the wedding but if she said she would reach out then I would expect her to do that before the week of the wedding. I wish you guys the best!

Wow! Never experienced that- seems a little crazy.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much!! Yes it was like she was trying to start a fight.

View Quoted Comment Super crazy!! Especially coming from a preacher of a church.

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I agree. And the fact that she is officiating your wedding is annoying knowing this is how she's acting the week of. Did you guys come up with a day to meet?

This is truly a nightmare! I could not imagine someone like this marry me...
Our officiant was kind, passionate, understanding, etc.
I feel for you! 🤍

View Quoted Comment We did meet with her last night. And she was had an attitude the whole time while we were moving the furniture saying things like “this is why we don’t do this until Wednesday” and “you said there was no other time so here I am” I just thought the way she was speaking was very unprofessional.. it was like she was trying to start a fight with us. She ended up apologizing, but I’m still upset about it.. but I’m trying to just forgive so that I can still enjoy my wedding day!!

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! ❤️

Sounds to me like she was doing premarital counseling with you and corri? I have heard that several pastors come at marriage counseling to see if you can handle the hard questions and “try to break you up” with hard discussions, if you both agree and have had these discussions alone before hand it won’t offend/break you up, but makes it known to the pastor you are both in agreement and ready for marriage, and mature enough for it... one pastor was telling me that a couple came to him and his wife for marriage counseling: they were young and his questions about how they would handle kids/finances/aging parents/moving/jobs/ views on divorce etc and they ended up finding out they disagreed on a lot and agreed a marriage wouldnt work for them at that moment.. i am not sure if those 2 ever got married down the line or not, but they did not at the time... pastors/churches want to make sure the marriage will last thats why pre marriage counseling can be rough sometimes, it sifts out who is truly ready and who isnt

View Quoted Comment That is what we were doing.. and that was totally fine we had already met with her twice for 2 hours each and discussed all of this.. we thought we were done. It really wasn’t the reason we were meeting it was her tone of voice that she used. And the attitude she gave us.. it just seemed so unprofessional. And I’m really upset that I feel this way about the person who will be marrying us 🙁🙁

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Yes try to forget about it and hopefully she will have a MUCH better attitude on your wedding day. Goodluck!

I also think you were in the wrong here. You really should have called her and spoke to her on the phone or in person. It's never a good idea to communicate so much via a text message. Also, it's reasonable for church to have rules about decorating and moving furniture to ensure those actions don't jeopardize other systems, such as the electrical. Given your wedding is during Covid, the other reality is ushers need to do some things and processes have changed due to Covid (all very reasonable). My church has a whole new procedure and would be (and has been) very upset when it gets ignored. My pastor would absolutely require a meeting to discuss. Also, although she may have said she would follow up, it is ultimately your responsibility if you didn't hear from her.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! ❤️

Thanks for your opinion. She was rude to us in person. And I did apologize to her multiple times and I told her I didn’t mean to be disrespectful in any way

View Quoted Comment My grandma is the clerk of session at the church. Who is actually above the preacher. And my grandma and the session gave us permission to decorate. And I apologized to her multiple times. Thank you for your opinion

View Quoted Comment Also she came to the church last night trying to pick a fight with us. Our church is very very small only about 20-25 people

I think you're being really defensive here at the people who are trying to point out where you went wrong.

That text about how she hurt your feelings by asking if you were sure you wanted to get married came off so immature, it doesn't surprise me that she felt she needed to have multiple discussions with you guys. And you don't get defensive about her giving her opinion after the fact, if she offers a suggestion or says "this is what the ushers will do", you say in the moment "actually, we're going to do xvy" and change the subject. Address it in the moment like an adult.

That being said, you needed to take control after that first two hour meeting. If she requested a second, you ask for a firm agenda and firm timeframe: why do we need to meet, what exactly are we going to talk about and how long will it take? If she couldn't answer those questions satisfactorily, you reply that it seems like you don't need to meet after all and hold your ground.

In terms of "the session is above the pastor", if the session didn't let the pastor know she gave your grandma permission to decorate, how was the pastor supposed to know? I probably would have interpreted that situation the same way she did, which was that your grandma was overstepping her bounds.

It seems like you were both rude. Do you seriously believe a woman of God showed up at her house of worship solely to pick a fight with you? And if you do, why on earth would you want her to marry you?

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your opinion.. I am not meaning to come off as being defensive and that is exactly what I am upset about my grandma was not being rude at all.. and yes she did come to the church trying to pick a fight with us.. she was giving us an attitude. And I agree with you that I should have discussed that I was upset with her at our previous meetings.. I am the kind of person that has trouble discussing how I feel in person.. I have very bad social anxiety and I apologized to her many times last night for that.. I wished I would have talked to her in person the day of us meeting.. and I’m sorry that you think I’m coming off as being defensive, I am not.. I am only 23 I am young.. and having a COVID wedding is very stressful. I really do feel that I don’t want her to marry us at all anymore for the way she treated us last night, but with our wedding being 4 days away.. there are no other options.. I do appreciate you helping me see another side..

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She also probably doesn't want to marry you anymore given what's happened. I'd suck it up and kiss her butt at this point so she doesn't withdraw. You've listed enough reasons here for her to have doubts, don't give her any more.