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Just Said Yes March 2020

Wedding or concert?

Katie, on March 14, 2020 at 8:45 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

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My wedding was planned for March 27. As in 13 days from now. Our venue recommended we move and reschedule due to COVID-19, which we already planned on doing because 40 of our 130 guests advised they wouldn’t be taking the risk. I asked my entire bridal party for potential upcoming conflicts. Our new options at the venue were may 9 (still too soon), June 20, or December 11. A lot of the other upcoming weddings came in to reschedule and took most of July and August and the rest was booked well in advanced. Of course I picked June because May is still too soon with everything going on. I advised my bridal party and while a couple had other plans, they didn’t hesitate to say they’ll be there. Except my future SIL. She stated she and one of my other bridesmaids has a 3 day festival of concerts that weekend. My MOH suggested they make other plans but they refused, stating the concert tickets and hotel cost a lot of money that’s not refundable. I advised my future MIL. she took her side, saying “you never consulted her for dates” and my future SIL said “you could’ve picked May, you didn’t consult me, and you can’t expect me to be somewhere when I already have had these plans since January.”

Am I wrong for going off on the two of them? This is my fiancé’s ONLY sibling. His mother always ALWAYS takes her side. Since when am I supposed to “consult” someone when my wedding has been booked and planned since January 2019?! I had to move mountains to make sure ALL my vendors were able to move on such short notice with no extra cost and had to accommodate my work and many other things.

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Latest activity by Judith, on March 17, 2020 at 5:57 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on March 14, 2020 at 8:48 AM
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Your wedding hasn’t been booked for that date in June since last January. You don’t have to consult anyone about a new date, but you can’t be mad when people can’t make your new date either, especially if they already have plans that they can’t get their money back for.
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on March 14, 2020 at 9:03 AM
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I would let emotions cool for a few days. You're right to be angry, and she's right to be upset because of her plans changing too. While it would have been nice to give a heads up, I was in your shoes yesterday with things falling apart and the world imploding. We also had to hurriedly pick a new date before things booked with brides rescheduling, and thankfully our vendors moved with us. No one planned this. Let everyone cool off for a few days, then revisit. Its very emotional right now - you're heartbroken and she doesn't want to be out that money. We also had to move the date, and hopefully everyone can make the new one. Right now everything is up in the air for most of the world, so take a breath. Hopefully it'll be ok.
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on March 14, 2020 at 9:07 AM
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You’re feelings are totally valid, you have every right to be hurt and upset. But I do think it’s a little unfair to go off on someone for not rearranging their plans to suit your schedule. She has something that is important to her, and it’s awful, but you should try to respect that.
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Dedicated May 2021
Katie · on March 14, 2020 at 9:11 AM
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I think you have a right to be upset! I would be too, but at the same time if she feels that her festival is more important then her brothers wedding then I think she also has the right to make that decision. Maybe your fiancé can talk to her and tell her how he feels?
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Dedicated October 2018
Deb · on March 14, 2020 at 11:29 AM
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You had to do what was best for you quickly. She can’t help the festival is on that date. You can be disappointed but not angry. I’m sure it is a tough decision for her too.
My daughter is performing in a 5 day music festival in June (hopefully still on). I know the non refundable hotel would be $3000.00, our tickets $500 and time off of work has already been approved. I know it would be a hard decision for me to miss it.
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on March 14, 2020 at 12:15 PM
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OMG I would have gone off on them too! You have every right to be upset. This is a pandemic and these are NOT normal times--suggesting that you should have chosen the may 9 date because SIL had concert tickets on June 20 is absolutely absurd! May 9 is still way too close for comfort. I would be so upset and I'm so sorry
Maybe give them a few days and they'll come around?
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on March 14, 2020 at 12:46 PM
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You know what I wouldn’t care if she couldn’t go aha because it is what it is and that’s HER problem like you’re not running your date around her
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Super September 2018
Rachel · on March 14, 2020 at 2:34 PM
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Sure you can be mad, but it’s unfair to take this out on her or hold it against her. Be patient. For all you know the festival will be canceled or postponed. Coachella is postponed and many concert tours have been canceled or postponed indefinitely. Broadway is shut down. People’s health and money are at stake, just as you experienced in scrambling to reschedule your wedding, and there’s just so much uncertainty right now. Let it be for now and check in again when you both are calmer.
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Savvy February 2020
Ti · on March 14, 2020 at 3:01 PM
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I understand why you’re frustrated (and I would be too). It’s a tense time. But you don’t have the right to go off on either of them. It’s unfortunate they have plans that now conflict with your new date, but those plans were in place before all of the chaos. It would be nice of them to change it, but you can’t expect people to just drop what they’re doing (and lose money) to accommodate you. People have their own lives, and the reality is that, for the most part, no one cares more about your wedding than you do.

Keep your new wedding date if that’s what works best for you and your fiancé and tell them you’re sad they won’t be able to make it. Then put it out of your mind and move on. Can’t please everyone.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 15, 2020 at 9:46 PM
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Yes you are wrong for going off on them. You have every right to reschedule for good reason. But no reason to think everyone will reschedule their things. If you really wanted her, you would have checked with her, not just assumed your thing was more important than anything she has going. Siblings, even parents and grandparents, often don't get to go to all family weddings. Let it go. You will be just as married, without her. You did not check, and have no right to the day. She will go to the concert, and still love her brother as much as she did last year, and will next. Weddings are most important for the couple, and parents. Other people make their choices, and she shouldn't get you going off on her, when you did not have the courtesy to ask her. And you also have no place expecting her to cancel plans important to her. Perhaps when you have less stress, you can apologize to SIL and MIL for not thinking her important enough to ask, then insisting she change plans. Right now, get past it. You worked so long planning, and rescheduling is tough. But making enemies of family is never a good thing.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 17, 2020 at 5:57 PM
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I did not intend to be rude. But in your own words, you "went off on" your future SIL and FMIL. Because Sis did not put your wedding over her plans. And that is not right.
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