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Juahline
Just Said Yes July 2022

Wedding party conflict

Juahline, on August 22, 2021 at 1:12 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15
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Hello Everyone hope you are all doing fine. I have a question, would you allow a friend to be apart of your wedding if they are not speaking to your spouse? I’m having an argument with my fiancé because of this, i got in a nasty argument with one of his groomsmen. So long story short i thought everything was squashed until i seen him and he didn’t speak to me. I told my fiancé he cannot be in the wedding if he’s not talking to me. I find it so disrespectful and wanted to take matters into my hands and send him a nice text stating he is no longer needed in the wedding. Will i be wrong for doing this? And the only reason i want to text him is because my fiancé is really not telling me what i want to hear he’s basically saying i shouldn’t let that get to me 😩, hellllp please because i already wrote the text out to him but my fiancé says if i send it it’s going to be a big argument because that’s his friend not mines. Idk why he’s being so inconsiderate i honestly never seen this side of him .

15 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 25, 2021 at 2:31 AM
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    You need to let your FH handle this.

    It's HIS friend. You interfere, and yes, it will make it worse... and also your relationship.

    Now, your FH should be on your side (unless you've done something particularly egregious), but he also has to figure out how to handle conflict between his FW and other parts of his life.

    Clearly, you two need to talk this out a bit more.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    This is your fiancé’s friend, and he needs to be the one to handle him. You texting him would definitely be overstepping (plus there is no “nice” way of telling him you are removing him from the wedding party). You have provided no context about the argument you had with the groomsman, so there is no real way to say if your fiancé is in the wrong for advising you to look past his friend not speaking to you. If he is still wanting his friend in the wedding, FH obviously either feels like the fight is petty or that you are in the wrong. It sounds like the 2 of you need to sit down together and find a solution. Unless the argument is over something absolutely horrendous and unforgivable, I would find a way to be mature and move past it for your fiancé’s sake.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    What was the fight about? Did the groomsman blatantly ignore you when you saw him or did he just not make it a point to talk to you? How long have they been friends? I can’t really say your FH is being inconsiderate without the answers to those questions.


    Regardless of that though, you absolutely should NOT be the one making this decision or sending that text.
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  • Nakia
    Beginner October 2022
    Nakia ·
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    I agree with everyone else. Kinda hard to give an opinion when we don’t know what the argument was about. It may have been something petty that got blown out of proportion which is why FH feels like it’s not a big deal. But it is definitely not your place to text his friend and remove him from the wedding. Even if FH agrees to remove him from the wedding, it will be his responsibility to let his friend know that he is no longer apart of the process.
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  • Ariel
    Devoted October 2021
    Ariel ·
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    Definitely don’t send that text. Express to your fiancé that you want good vibes throughout the wedding. Maybe he can arrange a get together for you, your fiancé, and the groomsmen so you can talk it out. The friend seems to be very important to your fiancé but you are also very important. I’m hoping it works out for you. Best of luck.
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  • Juahline
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Juahline ·
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    Thanks so much Ariel great point, definitely will 🥰
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  • Juahline
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Juahline ·
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    You are right, i guess because i was really angry and wanted to react off my emotions. So the argument was mainly about him complaining about things he has to buy for the wedding example;clothes,shoes ect. He has been making nasty comments to people about us in regards to the wedding. I honestly don’t want that energy in our wedding I feel like he’s not his real friend.But will definitely not text him. Thanks Nakia
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  • Juahline
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Juahline ·
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    The fight was about him complaining about every single thing he has to buy in the wedding; his clothes, Etc, and he was making very ignorant comments behind our back that got back to us. I confronted him about it and it started an argument. But i will definitely not send the text thanks 😊
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  • Juahline
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Juahline ·
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    The fight was about him complaining about every single thing he has to buy in the wedding; his clothes, Etc, and he was making very ignorant comments behind our back that got back to us. I confronted him about it and it started an argument. My FH is the quiet one that always wants peace which can sometimes make people want to walk over him, it’s so nerve wracking. Sometimes I’m his voice because he’s just a calm lay back person that don’t like arguments
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  • Nakia
    Beginner October 2022
    Nakia ·
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    You’re welcome. Just discuss your feelings with your FH and hopefully you guys can come to an agreement. Good luck!
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  • Juahline
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Juahline ·
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    Definitely will thank you
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with everyone else who says you need to let your future spouse handle his own relationships. You can and should discuss with your FS how his friend's actions make you feel, but don't send that text and escalate this drama needlessly (especially since you started all this in the first place by not letting him handle his friends).

    This sentence is really concerning, "And the only reason i want to text him is because my fiancé is really not telling me what i want to hear..." This says to me that you are not listening to your FS, you don't trust him to make his own decisions about his actions. I would seriously consider couples counseling to work on your communication with each other.

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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I agree with the others on this one. While I totally understand that it is disrespectful of him to be complaining to you guys, you didn't need to say anything to him about it. If he's actually buying and doing what he needs then let him complain. You've let it get to you too much. If your FH believes that the two of them are good then it's not on you to insert yourself into that relationship by texting the groomsman.

    I also agree with Maggie's second paragraph about you not getting what you want to hear from your fiancé. You need to trust his judgement on his own relationships. If he's telling you you're overreacting then you probably are for this particular situation. Let him deal with his friend, and take a step back for your own sanity.

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  • Juahline
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Juahline ·
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    Thanks jessi i didn’t text him luckily lol, but thanks for your input
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    "And the only reason i want to text him is because my fiancé is really not telling me what i want to hear..." --this is concerning. Your FI sounds like he's trying to get you to see things from his perspective.

    In addition, how much is this guy needing to spend? Is your wedding 11 months from now? How much are you expecting from your wedding party?

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