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Beginner June 2023

Wedding party dilemas

Teyeb88826, on March 9, 2023 at 10:34 AM Posted in Planning 0 11

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Hello all!! I’m having a small wedding. I’ve invited 80 persons (including plus ones), but I’m expecting 40-60 people. My fiancé and I have 4 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids. On his side, he has 3 brothers and 1 childhood friend as his groomsmen. I have my sister, sister-in-law, and 2 friends on my side. I am torn because I am realizing I wish I had my brother as one of the groommen. We didn’t choose him for a couple reasons. My fiancé had chosen his persons already. I was also unsure about asking my fiancé to add my brother because I didn’t want to add his girlfriend as a bridesmaid. My brother’s girlfriend is great but I didn’t have the budget to pay $200 for more hair and make up at the time. The wedding is incoming and I’m very scared I’ll hurt my brother’s feelings by not asking him. We’re not close but we see each other once a month for family dinner and he’s always supported me. My fiancé doesn’t think my brother will care because he’s extremely chill and a lot older than me. I’ll probably ask both my brother and his girlfriend to help with wedding stuff too. I am feeling stressed and unsure about what to do. I still have time to ask my brother and his gf but that means my wedding party will be 10 people plus the bride and groom (12 people total) for a 40-60 person wedding. Please advise and be kind ♥️

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Latest activity by Teyeb88826, on March 10, 2023 at 7:39 PM

Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on March 9, 2023 at 10:36 AM
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Why don’t you ask your brother to stand on your side as a bridesman? Mixed gender wedding parties are super common these days.
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Super May 2022
Erin · on March 9, 2023 at 11:26 AM
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Agree with Cece. He could stand on your side. There’s no rule saying it’s improper. I saw a mixed gender wedding party as early as 2003 when my own cousin got married and had a female friend stand on his side.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on March 9, 2023 at 12:03 PM
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I also agree with having him before on your side. My brother was on my side and my husband's female best friend was on his side. Mixed gender wedding parties have become very common.
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Super October 2023
Alyssa · on March 9, 2023 at 12:08 PM
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Yes have him on your side! I was just in a bridal party that had a guy and it was so much fun. Was also funny to hear the photographers correcting their pronouns to include him 😂
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Beginner June 2023
Teyeb88826 · on March 9, 2023 at 12:12 PM
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Hey, I’m new to this forum so I’m not sure how to edit my post. My wedding is in just under 3 months. I’m sure I could ask at this time and my brother wouldn’t mind. I’m scared to offend by not including his gf. My fiancé is totally against adding anyone because it’s so close to the wedding, and because he thinks my brother won’t care
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on March 9, 2023 at 12:20 PM
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With all due respect, it’s not for your fiancé to say who you add to your side of the wedding party. That is 100% your own personal decision. Just like his side of the wedding party is 100% his decision.
Also, you are in no way obligated to invite both halves of a couple to be in your wedding party. I am super close with my best friend’s girlfriend, but I didn’t have her stand in the wedding with me. And my fiancé and I have a couple that we are really good friends with. But he has been friends with the guy much longer than I have been friends with the girl, so he had his best friend stand with him, and I did not ask his wife to stand with me. They both sat in the audience as guests, and were totally cool with it. Unless your brother’s girlfriend is one of your closest friends, I don’t think she will be expecting to be in your wedding party. When my brother got married, I was not especially close to his fiancé. She ended up asking me to be a bridesmaid, and tbh it felt super awkward being asked since we weren’t that close.
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VIP October 2022
Taylor · on March 9, 2023 at 12:47 PM
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I agree with cece that it’s not up to your fiancé to decide who stands on your side. My husband and I wanted two on each side for aesthetics but we didn’t decide who of those two we picked and if I wanted a third he would’ve been cool with it. You also don’t have to include your brothers girlfriend. I didn’t include my bridesmaids fiancé and my husband didn’t include his best man’s girlfriend in the wedding party. They were simply guests. At our reception we did a sweetheart table so our wedding party could sit with their partners & friends at their tables. If you want your brother to stand on your side just ask him! Your fiancé is about to be your future husband and starting off your marriage by telling you that you can’t have someone stand with you that’s obviously important to you on an important day is no good. If you want your brother with you then you need to tell your fiancé that (not ask) and tell him you’d like him to be supportive. There will be plenty of things moving forward that you and him will have to compromise for each other and be supportive of and work through together. Not telling each other what they can and can’t do
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CM · on March 9, 2023 at 1:08 PM
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I will go as far as to say sides should not be even unless it works out that way naturally. These are people, not props.
A future BIL is in a much different category than his GF. There is no reason she has to be included and I wouldn't recommend it unless she was independently close to you. No one wants a photo of an ex GF in their wedding album. I always think it's a nice gesture to include a future BIL, but that's up to FI.
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Super September 2023
Kimberly · on March 9, 2023 at 2:03 PM
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I agree with everyone else and also wanted to add that you can still include her in things even if she’s not a BM. For example, usually the wedding party plus ones come to the rehearsal dinner. And I’m inviting my FH’s best man’s wife to get ready in my room since both her husband and son are part of the wedding party. Totally optional, of course, but it’s one way to make it so they’re not stuck hanging around by themselves for a bit. I wouldn’t worry about not asking her at all. It’s totally common.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 9, 2023 at 4:46 PM
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As the bride, you don’t have any say in who is chosen as a groomsman. If you want brother to stand on your side, then you can do that. Contrary to popular belief, many people are not upset or hurt by not being asked because some people prefer to be a guest with no responsibility beyond enjoying themselves.
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Beginner June 2023
Teyeb88826 · on March 10, 2023 at 7:39 PM
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Thank you. We are going to ask my brother to walk my mom down the aisle. I’m not sure if like the idea of mixed gender bridal parties so I won’t ask him to be on my side. My fiancé is fine adding him to the grooms side but he’s also stressed out by making changes like this. I hope my brother will understand
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Wedding party dilemas

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