Wedding party problems

Your wedding, your decision. Mom doesn’t get to make this decision nor should she pressure you. Be firm with boundaries.

That's tough - but be strong and stick to what you WANT - after all, it's YOUR day! Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Thank you good luck to you as well

You have every right to choose who you want. I am not disputing, poo-pooing or even suggesting that you consider changing your mind. I just want to offer a possibility of where your mom may be coming from.

As I told my son when he wanted to choose a friend to be his best man..............."Your friend is not going to be standing next to you at my funeral, he is not going to share the same grief. When the time comes both you and your brother are going to want to share this grief, however if you haven't built a relationship you aren't going to be able to provide each other with any consoling. Part of building a relationship is sharing and sharing good times, IMPORTANT times, is a strong foundation to build on. You both are too young to really see all that life throws at you. We, as your parents hope and pray that you will come to see the fact that there is just the two of you and hope that you can lean on each other when you don't have anyone else who has known you your whole life. I realize that between some siblings this will never happen, however, with the changes and maturity and all the years ahead, do you want to take the chance that it could have happened if you had given it a chance? "

My son chose his brother, and it's interesting that he hasn't seen or spoken to any of the friends who were in his bridal party in the last 10 years, that's what happens to most friendships over the years. There are few that survive a lifetime. But he sees, talks and shares his life with his brother at regular family gatherings. A friend is a friend for as long as it works, a sibling is a sibling for life. It took years for them to mature to the point they began to understand and appreciate each other but it brings so much peace of mind to their dad and I that we know that they now hold their relationship as a touchstone and can stand side by side when they need too.

So just consider that this may be what's in your mom's subconscious that is motivating her. Try to be kind and understanding with her when you make your decision. This decision is more than just "it's my day, I get to do what I want", your wedding, your marriage and your relationships are all going to be affected long term by your choices and you will live with the consequences both good and bad. Not just this one but many of your choices about the wedding and the marriage will. It is just one day, but it's a day that changes the rest of your life and it really does change the lives of your families as well.

PS.................... when his brother married, he chose his best friend as his best man and his brother as a groomsmen and I didn't say anything because they had been friends, business partners, seen each other through marriages, divorces, good times and bad for over 30 years. This friendship is actually stronger than blood and it deserved the recognition, but he still included his brother as second in line giving credit to their relationship as family.

View Quoted Comment I understand where she is coming from im her son and she wants both my sisters in my party and I kno it hurts her that me and my younger sister have a bad relationship and i plan to be very respectful and kind when telling both her and my sister i do not wish for my younger sister to be in my wedding party and my sister is very mentally abusive to the point she has told me it would be better for everyone if I ended myself she also constantly makes fun of my of my ptsd so sadly I believe my friends would care more for my passing then her because in my experience blood is not thicker then water i have better chosen family than biological I really appreciate the insight

Take at least 5 minutes of consideration before you tell your mother and sisters who IS in your briidal party. Don't change it.

View Quoted Comment I will thank you