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Samantha
Savvy November 2020

Wedding party

Samantha, on June 26, 2019 at 1:46 PM Posted in Planning 0 11
Hi! My wedding is set for November 14, 2020, but the decision of a wedding party is weighing heavy on me... My fiancé and I are unsure about having one, but he said ultimately I could decide whether it’s a “ go” or “no.” I always thought I would want a maid of honor and bridesmaids, but lately it seems so hard to decide on who should be by my side. If I want extra opinions or hassle to coordinate everyone... I hear a lot of people saying how it should be traditionally with family, however I have no sisters. There hasn’t been a wedding within our families for so long which makes it harder to get advice🙁

How do you narrow who to pick?

How do you decide on how many to ask?

How did you ask your wedding party to participate?

What would be a respectful way to approach your party about the financial obligations they would have to be responsible for such as dress and tux, hair and makeup, etc?


Thoughts on skipping groomsmen / bridesmaids to simply have a flower girl and ring bearer..?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Lyndsey, on June 27, 2019 at 7:18 AM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Honestly I had no trouble knowing who. I always knew who my bestest friends were that I'd want by my side that day. I've also seen weddings where there were no wedding party members too.
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    There are all kinds of weddings, and not all of them have a traditional bridal party. No, it doesn't have to be just family. If you read any of the forums on this topic, you'll see a whole mix of different kinds of bridal parties. I generally tell people you should have those closest to you, blood or not, standing with you on the day.

    But lots of couples go without a bridal party at all, and that's perfectly fine too. Do what makes you and FH happy and comfortable. However, you are way early in thinking of this. One of the common mistakes couples make is asking people too early. People's plans change, lives change, relationships change, and if you ask too early, you may regret it down the road. Go back and read the forums about this too. Lots of brides end up regretting their choices. If they had only waited a while before asking people, they would have made a better decision.

    You can wait until 6 or 7 months before your date to start thinking about if you want a bridal party and, if so, who you want that to be. You don't have to make that decision now.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    How do you narrow who to pick? I would only ask the people closest to you that support you & your relationship (also those who have the time & can afford it)

    How do you decide on how many to ask? 100% up to you! Every added wedding party member costs you money (flowers, gifts, rehearsal dinner, etc.) so take that into account for sure. Uneven parties are super common and totally fine. I wouldn't decide on a number, I'd just pick who is closest to you.

    How did you ask your wedding party to participate? I texted privately with cost & date for them to make the decision if it's something they can do. After that, I sent cute formal proposal boxes.

    What would be a respectful way to approach your party about the financial obligations they would have to be responsible for such as dress and tux, hair and makeup, etc? I just worded it in the text. Something like "Hey! I'd love for you to be a bridesmaid in our wedding in July. I'm thinking the dress cost will be right around $100 (not including alterations if needed), then obviously the flight & hotel cost (blocked hotel is $120 per night but you can stay anywhere). I'll be paying for hair and makeup for whoever wants it, and you can pick your own shoes & jewelry. I know being a bridesmaid is a huge financial obligation & time commitment so I just want to make sure you are comfortable with it now!" It went over well. I would make HAMU optional for all the girls unless you pay for it.


    Thoughts on skipping groomsmen / bridesmaids to simply have a flower girl and ring bearer..? Again, up to you!

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  • Kimberly
    Super August 2020
    Kimberly ·
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    You absolutely do not need to have a bridal party. I think with weddings nowadays everything is so unique and each wedding so personalized. What someone suggested above and possibly just have a flower girl and ring bearer. I am not have a flower girl or ring bearer and will definitely be having uneven parties as my FH will have maybe 4 groomsmen and my maid of honor will be my twin sister and my best friend will be a bridesman. That's it for me. My sister already knew she was the Maid of Honor so it was pretty much unspoken and I just asked Jake if he would be my bridesman and he accepted. I think as long as you make it known to your future bridal party how much or little they should be expected as part of their role Smiley smile

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  • Samantha
    Savvy November 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I did too, but over time I feel closer to other girls rather than my best friend from high school.. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I talk to these girls every other day especially with our FHs ( she’s getting married this year) and the other has been with her bf for so long.. just don’t want to exclude or pressure on why one is MOH vs the other..
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  • Samantha
    Savvy November 2020
    Samantha ·
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    Thank you! I’ll definitely try finding the others similar in this topic. I agree I plan on formally asking in January, so I don’t regret who I pick. But my closest friends have been hinting they want to stand in it or be MOH which I appreciate, but I also don’t want a huge number of people in it...
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  • Samantha
    Savvy November 2020
    Samantha ·
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    Thank you for the advice ! I love that idea of personally talking and giving them time to ask prior to formally gifting them in a special way..
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  • Samantha
    Savvy November 2020
    Samantha ·
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    Thank you! I love the idea of bridesman as well! You’re right, we shouldn’t feel obligated to have an even party. Will your wedding party be walking the aisle separately ?

    Thank you for the advice as well 😊 I’ll make sure to explain their role within the wedding as well as the costs it’ll be..
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  • Kimberly
    Super August 2020
    Kimberly ·
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    I didn't even think about that actually! Since we won't have too many and its uneven they could definitely walk separately. Good luck on your party! Either way remember it's your wedding, it can be however you want it to be.

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  • bethf
    Devoted August 2019
    bethf ·
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    I don't believe it has to be family, I have 5 (including MOH) and none of them are related by blood. I see absolutely no issue with skipping the "parties", honestly it is probably a lot less hassle anyways lol. As far as the financial part of it, really I think it is assumed when your are asked that you (parties) have to open the piggy bank.

    Good luck!

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  • Lyndsey
    Dedicated April 2020
    Lyndsey ·
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    Megan Markle opted to have just flower girls and page boys instead of adult attendants so if it's good enough for her... 😉 If that's what you want to go them go for it!

    If you do want adult bridesmaid then it definitely doesn't have to be family, in fact I would say it's more commonly not family these days, though appreciate that may vary depending on where you're from and family expectations. Ultimately, it should be whoever you feel closest to and wants to stand by your side.
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