Wedding Rehearsal

Unfortunately you’ll need to either pay for this venue yourself or find another one that is more in line with what you can afford. It sucks that she is backing out but you cant really count on someone else’s money until they have given it to you. Her financial situation is really none of your business and there could be a plethora of things that have effected her financial situation that you aren’t aware of.
I’d recommend looking for a different venue for the rehearsal dinner and limiting the number of guests you are inviting. Wedding party and their guests and your immediate family is really all that needs to be at the dinner.

I'm sorry to hear about this! Since it is your fiancé's mother, I would have them speak to her about the issue.

Are any of you staying at a hotel the night before your wedding? You could always ask the hotel if they would allow you and those attending the rehearsal dinner to have it there! My FBIL and his wife did this. They had everyone come to the hotel after the rehearsal and we mingled at the hotel's bar. Pizza or something easy to carry out would be great for this sort of thing!

Another consideration is the venue. Would you be able to have it there at no extra cost? Our friends did this and it went very well!

She needs to own up to her promises and you take this as a lesson learned not to blindly trust her since you are not her priority.


Do what the majority of couples do: get pizza and beers/sodas with the money you have. Does not have to be fancy. Go whichever local delivery you like best.

It doesn't really matter if you agree with her reasons for not being able to pay for your party. She said she can't do it, so that's that. It's unfortunate that she offered and then changed her mind, but I would try really hard not to let this affect your relationship with her, because the future is more important than this one thing.

So, what do to now? The easiest and least expensive option is to not have a rehearsal, so then you don't need a rehearsal dinner. If you feel like you NEED one, then I would look at options where you can order in pizzas or sandwiches to a free or cheap venue. Examples: your ceremony venue itself, a park, local rec room/community center, hotel conference room, library, etc.

View Quoted Comment

Our guest list already only included the wedding party, their significant others and our immediate family so unless we don't allow significant others there is no one we could cut. The venue we picked is the cheapest one in the town we have been able to find. She is very open with everyone about her finances so if something was amiss I'm sure we would know. She is currently planning to move in my husband's young brother so she won't be paying for a house either so that's another expense she won't have to worry about. I just feel bad because if I was working we wouldn't have to worry.

View Quoted Comment

Our venue is a hotel and they will only allow us to have a rehearsal there if they are providing the catering which would be twice the cost if not more. We've already asked.

View Quoted Comment

The problem is that I'm not sure where we would have the food delivered to.

View Quoted Comment

I would gladly cancel the rehearsal, but at this point we've already paid the officiant to attend both the wedding and rehearsal and the money is non-refundable. We are getting married at a hotel, but they will not allow us to use any of their rooms unless they are the ones providing the catering. The cost of them to provide the food is twice the amount if not more.

View Quoted Comment Again her financials are none of your business. You don’t get to decide how she spends her money.
Like someone else said you don’t have to have a rehearsal and that would solve this problem.

View Quoted Comment Just have you and FH do the rehearsal then. Run through the ceremony with your officiant.

View Quoted Comment

The amount you have already paid the officiant is a sunk cost. You can't get it back (and you need an officiant to get legally married of course!), but you can save yourself the additional money spent on a rehearsal dinner. If you can't find a cheap venue to order in food, then cancelling seems like it makes the most sense for your budget.

View Quoted Comment

Gotcha, well I'm sorry that was a bust! Right now it sounds like the only options you have now are to cancel the actual dinner and just do the rehearsal, or if there's a family member or close friend, member of the bridal party that have a home big enough to accommodate and they're willing, you could have it there with less expensive catered food?

View Quoted Comment

We were under the impression that we had to have a dinner after the rehearsal as a thank you to our bridal party. Is that not the case? Unfortunately, all of friends and family live at least 1.5 hours from where the rehearsal is at so having it at someone's house isn't an option. I know two of the groomsmen were talking about possibly renting an Airbnb, but I'm not sure if the one they would rent would be large enough or if they would even allow us to have a dinner there.

View Quoted Comment Where is your rehearsal? You should be able to have it in someone's backyard or at a local community center through the parks department

View Quoted Comment If you have a rehearsal, then a dinner for participants and any significant others is expected/required as proper hosting. Etiquette still applies in a pandemic. If a rehearsal dinner is not feasible and all possible alternatives have been exhausted, then you would skip the rehearsal but talk to the officiant beforehand.

Another option is just buying take out boxes of food and handing it to everyone after the rehearsal. obviously that's not ideal and what you'd envision, but it's definitely a cheaper option just going to a restaurant and asking them to pack individual entrees you can hand to them [and perhaps just finding an open space to eat afterwards together if you wish like at a park, etc.]

i know that's a casual option but if you want a rehearsal and you want to feed them after, that's one way of going about it, especially for under budget

View Quoted Comment

That is the case technically, but because of this pandemic, it isn't out of the ordinary to not have it. I don't agree that all etiquette rules apply even during a pandemic. This is something you can't control, and if you've exhausted all alternatives and resources, then not having a rehearsal dinner becomes an option.

How many people will it be? I know Airbnb had stopped allowing large gatherings at their locations, but it's always worth a shot! VRBO is another option, it's basically the same as Airbnb.

If everyone is from 1.5 hours away, where are you and FI staying? Can you have it there?


Just get some pizzas and call it a day.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with this option as well! Def. more casual, but it makes it to where you can have your rehearsal AND feed everyone afterwards while staying under budget.

View Quoted Comment

At most 34 including 5 children. This would include the best man's fiancée who likely won't be attending, a plus one for my mother-in-law if she changes her mind and wants to actually include someone, a plus one for the groomswoman who has said she likely won't have a plus one, and my father-in-law and his wife who said they aren't sure if they will attend because he's estranged from my husband's older siblings who will be in attendance and he works a lot and doesn't frequently take off. So the number is likely going to be closer to about 28-29 people.