Wedding shower??🤔

It is considered rude for a couple to throw their own shower. That is the job of the wedding party, and is traditionally done a few months before the wedding.

Showers are still very common, and are increasingly couple's showers, not just for the bride.

If you want a shower, you may need to speak with your BP!

View Quoted Comment I definitely do! I don’t have married friends and definitely not many same sex married friends. Our wedding will be one of the first. We have about 15 people in total were inviting,5 of which are close to us and we have let them that much so far 🙂

View Quoted Comment What if the bride doesn't have a bridal party?

Bridal showers and wedding showers are still common, but like PP mentioned, they aren’t thrown by the couple. I disagree though about asking your BP to host one. If they (or anyone else) want to host a shower for you, they will offer.

My friend had a couple’s shower, and I am planning to have it as well.

Wedding showers are still happening.

View Quoted Comment Alisha, Both my fiancée and I have decided to not have a bridal party and we’re having friends of honor. Our wedding will be substantially small, just our close friends. Instead of picking one or 2 people we are going to appoint them each separate duties as our friends of honor. I stumbled across that idea on google❤️

View Quoted Comment I’m so glad! We’re going to have a couples wedding shower😊

View Quoted Comment Yeah I’m not sure how I will go about figuring out who and how to ask yet. I’ve googled some ideas too maybe I’ll google that Topic🤔🤷🏽‍♀️

View Quoted Comment That’s what I’m planning also. Especially being that we are same sex and we have the same friends, we’ve Decided to do things together🙂

View Quoted Comment There’s no good way to ask anyone to throw you a party.

View Quoted Comment Lol that’s true. I might make it cute with these cute little glasses I found at dollar tree, they say bride squad and they’re little narrow small wine glasses and I was thinking about typing up a cute saying in there and handing them out over a friend gathering or something 🤔🤷🏽‍♀️That’s just a quick first thought I’ll dig deeper into my brain soon lol would it be tacky if I helped and not did all the planning or does the bride typically stay out of that all together?? 😬

View Quoted Comment If someone wants to host a party for you and asks for your preferences, that’s fine, but you shouldn’t be asking them to throw you parties or making other requests.

View Quoted Comment This is hard 😪 thank you!

View Quoted Comment Then you hope a friend does throw the party, or your coworkers.


But, again, it's really not acceptable for the couple to throw one themselves.
It is supposed to be a party to honor and "shower" with gifts, so hosting your own looks greedy and demanding.

View Quoted Comment I get that. I don’t plan to plan my own. Thank you

View Quoted Comment Traditionally, any female relative or friend of the bride close enough to the bride to be invited to her wedding, may throw a shower, whether they are in the wedding , or not. A lot if people think only the BM can give e a party, because that is what they have seen. That is backwards. Any friend of family close to the bride may do it. Because a bride chooses her WP from her closest friends, they are very often the ones who volunteer. But it is not their duty. Some do not have the time, some Don't have the money, and some just do not want to. That is ok. All it takes is one person to volunteer, not the bride. If she does not want to do it solo, she can call the bride's grandmother, or aunt or sister or mither or cousin, of friend. I have done a lot of showers with 1 BM, 1 family, and me as a friend not in WP. But many BM were already paying 400 for dress and HMU, and getting a shower gift and a wedding gift. Already spending 800-900, a shower would have been a burden. And a BM and a relative with time and so.e money, and I were in a better position to kick in $50 to a hundred each, and the work. Some women have been stuck, or heard horror stories before. A bride or MOB who insist on 75 people at their choice of venue, $35 per person plus drinks if they have them. And tips. And 8% tax. And are in shock when they realize that even if only 60 attend, plus bridesmaids bride and mom, they are on the hook for $2000 each at least, to pay a $6000 bill. So they do not volunteer. People need to stick to usual " rules": 1. Bride gives a list of women close enough to want to give a second gift ( in addition to the wedding gift) who are invited to the wedding. Not including dates or SO of FI friends, unless the bride is also a good friend. This may be 10 people, it may be 60.
2. Those who volunteer to do the party look at the list, and their budgets. And choose 10, 30, all. To fit the space and budget they have. If 3 people want to give a shower, for $120, that says they need a free venue, nothing catered. So, 30 people in someone's family room or yard, or a club room, parish Hall, whatever. And just desserts and coffee, or wine and cheese and apps. 3. Then they tell the bride, we would like to give a shower for this many people, in this place, with this food and drink or activity . The hostesses get a he green light, or turned down. But it is considered exceptionally rude for the bride to trade up. Oh, but I wanted a catered meal in this place. This is a gift. You don't hand back a gift and say, this isn't enough, I want you to spend more on me. . . . If people realize they won't be stuck by a bride trying to plan what she wants, and have others pay, more people are likely to volunteer. My e tire bridal party was gone the entire time of our engagement. A cousin, sister, and childhood friend did a small one. Mostly family . Army and grad school friends close together did another. My FMIL did one for 5 relatives of FI, and MOH and 2 BM near her, and 3 college friends then in NYC
40 people in 3 showers. No one had more than half hour to drive. All in home or park. Guests invited to only one, not a burden. One served butterflied shrimp and boiled lobster, corn and rice and rich desserts, A full dinner party with best China and crystal . Another was make your own sundaes, or brownies, or baklava, with coffee and liqueurs . Third was beer and barbecue. What the hosts was Ted, could afford. Wvery one nice. FMIL special t a fortune on food and flowers. Ice cream and brownies not much. But reasonable. If as a bride you let it be known own you hope someone will, and do not get involved, many people will surprise you. If not, and you want a social gathering, it is rude to throw your own shower, so people will bring you gifts. But it is fine to have a bridal luncheon or high tea of other social time, invite people , have games, and you give your own party to host your friends and party. Okay, as long as you do not say, shower with gifts. And do say, just a party before marrying. Do have a nice gathering if you want one. When you end up not having an actual shower, many people will be more generous with their wedding gift. Others will send a small shower type gift, but not to the party.The gathering is worth it. . . There is also another traditional, etiquette approved shower. When coworkers, neighbors members of your choir group or gym or and group of not terribly close people, none or maybe a stray 2 or 2 invited to your wedding, decide to give their own separate shower. Usually in the last 2 months, after invitations are out, so people know they are not going. And usually these set a present li it. Everyone gives $5-10, to buy refreshments for all, and 1 or 2 gifts. One of my favorite times was one given by my parents neighbors, mostly with some agricultural work, or small business. I played with their kids, or babysat for them. My first Inn cooking job boss, apple picking crew boss, and such. They had a limit, $5 or something you make or produce. We got maple syrup half and whole gallons, quarts of honey, farm stand preserves, candy. I love to cook but was then broke. So pounds of hazelnuts from one grower, cranberries, bakers chocolate, pounds of cashews, frozen filo, canoli shells . Over thirty people, and a few combined to give me 2 pounds of shelled pistachios, or expensive e spices and extracts. I cooked up a storm for months. And favorite recipes from each one. . . Showers, or bridal suppers or luncheons, it is about the friends and family. So wait, and if it gets down to 5 or 6 months and no one volunteers to give you a shower. Or if you have few local friends, and no one travels far for a 3 hour party, then give your friends and family a nice little party you plan and organize. Don't call it a shower, and have a good time.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I don't have co workers either lol Pretty sure I won't be getting one😔

View Quoted Comment Amazing insight Judith thank you so much!🤗