Wedding Showers

Three showers is too many if the guests lists are going to overlap, which it sounds like they will. No one should be expected to give you three gifts. A year in advance is also WAY too early for a shower. If people are offering to host all of these parties, I would do the engagement party this winter and a shower much later, like within 3 months of the wedding. It doesn't sound like a third person has offered to host a party for you, so I wouldn't be worried about having another shower.

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I get what you're saying and I think we're going to skip the engagement party, and have the MOH host the couple's shower a little later in year. We aren't expecting people to get us three gifts, seeing as everyone won't be at the same three showers. The only people that would be attending 2/3 would be the ladies, and that's just because in the area we're in, it's normal for the women to go to more than one shower.

I wouldn’t have a separate bridal shower if all those women would be invited to one of the couples showers. That seems like overkill to me. I also wouldn’t have a shower until at least next fall for a January 2022 wedding. I’d be really confused as a guest if I got invited to a shower a year before the wedding was taking place.

Typically, showers are hosted within 3 months of the wedding, as opposed to a year in advance. I think any reason to celebrate is a good reason, so I say do the engagement party! And then if there's that much overlap in guest lists for each shower, maybe consolidate it into 2 showers (with no overlap), and have them scheduled for fall of 2021?

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I guess it's just our area that does it then lol. Couple's showers then a shower with just the women is common practice. But I think we'll go with a later date for starting showers. Thanks for the input.

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We're going to ask my MOH if she's fine with hosting her shower at a later date. We would have one couple's shower and one bridal shower, but we have A LOT of people between us both that would attend our couple's shower, so we thought having one for our age group of friends, and a separate one for family & family friends would be easier on the host. Thanks for the input!

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So you expect people to attend 2-3 showers and your wedding? That equals 3-4 gifts. No matter what area you're in, that's rude.

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Gotcha, thank you for the advice

3 showers is way too many. I would have an engagement party now and a (A) (one) (1) shower closer to the wedding.

I would only have multiple showers if the guest lists will not overlap. If completely different guests will be invited to each shower (whatever type that may be, female or couples), then I'd say go for it! If the same group of people would be invited to both a couple's shower and a regular shower, then I'd just choose one shower to have. I agree with the others that the fall of 2021 would be an ideal time for your shower.

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The only one that would overlap would be for the ladies if I had a bridal shower. If no one offers to host one, I don't plan on having one. Thanks for the advice!

It's perfectly ok to skip the engagement party and just announce your engagement via text or phone call. They're not a thing outside of certain areas and social circles anyway.


People in various groups will offer to host a shower. So you could have up to 5+ showers depending on how many social groups you belong to (work, church, clubs that meet regularly, family and friends). Leave that up to them. It's also rude to decline a shower so just the love they are sharing with you.

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That's why we're wanting to skip the engagement party. Everyone already knows about it, so we feel as if it's pointless to have one. Lots of advice in this forum, we'll have to get together and also ask the hosts what they think as well. Thanks for the input!

We had 3 showers. One was thrown my one of my bridesmaids and it was just me and my girlfriends in the city we currently live in. The 2nd shower was thrown by my moms best friend in my hometown. The 3rd shower was hosted by my MIL's sisters in my wife's hometown. There was no overlapping in the guest list, so it was fine. The showers were also in completely different cities/towns. I say this to say, as long as your guests list don't overlap, multiple showers is fine.

As far as the engagement party goes, I don't see a problem still having it. People do not typically bring gifts to engagement parties, so it is really just a party to celebrate.

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We spoke with his SIL and she is going to host our engagement party which will have his family, my mom, and his family friends there. I'm going to speak with my MOH and see if she's okay with hosting our couple's shower later in 2021, which will have our friends there. As far as a bridal shower, unless someone offers to host me one, I'm not going to ask for it lol. Thanks for the input!

I too had multiple showers in different places, no overlap. Which also means each smaller and more affordable for hostesses. one of the disadvantages of couple showers is that unless in a zero rent location, it doubles the number of people. ... Personal feeling after many of each kind, as gover, guest or bride: couple showers can be great if you have a larger social group that does mostly couple things together. But they are a disaster with couples who have only been together a couple of years, or where she has a group pf friends, he has a group, but very few couples know both of you well. As bride, I would ordinarily expect only my nearest and dearest friends at a shower, since your shower gift is on addition to any wedding gift. But since we mostly had separate friends, 3/4 of the people at our couples shower, I did not know. Both halves of every couple of FI friends, and the SOs of my friends, were barely aquaintances. All intimacy gone from that party, too high a per entage of strangers. But I have been to a few of people who grew up and went to school or work , and B and G each know their friends, Groom's friends, and all of everyone's SO. That makes for a great couples shower. Otherwise, just have a couple of smaller ones, no one goes as guest to more than one, though someone who gives a shower, can go to another one as a guest. Only one gift, total. Those traditional limits are for a reason. People do complain and gossip about those who expect more than 1 shower gift, and 1 wedding gift, from any friends or family. And all those added SO doubles a shower cost, if you want to include the same number of your closest friends, then add SO.

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Thank you for your input. Thankfully we will have no issues with people not knowing one another. All of our friends with the exception of a handful are in relationships and we all know one another very well. Couple's showers are more common for our age group, hence why we are going with that. It's just easier for us to have a couple's shower with all of our close friends. We've also decided on having a separate one with family/family friends. If someone offers to throw me a bridal shower, then I'll have one of those as well, but like I stated in pp, I won't be begging for one to be thrown.

Thanks everyone for the input and advice!

View Quoted Comment That sounds exactly like the friend groups where couples showers work out well. All mutual friends.


Where we live now and have for over 10 years, we have that. But at wedding time, we had only know each other just over a year, came from different places, no overlap. FI sisters and brothers thought a couples shower would mix or friends, get people together. Awful results.