Wedding tv expectations vs reality

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Oh, yeah I can see that. I see tons of threads with brides contemplating adding random people to their party to fill spots to have a larger wedding party -- even if that means adding people they aren't close to. That's probably from a mixture of standards they may see on TV and things they see around them on their own social media, honestly! I know I've seen a lot of people who basically mirror other's weddings for the sake of making sure it looks like it's "supposed to" to fit the norm.

View Quoted Comment Tbh, I think feeding a full meal and having bridesmaids and groomsmen ARE a part of the majority’s weddings today. It sounds like where you are from, things are actually done quite differently from what is “normal” around the country. That doesn’t make it bad or wrong or undesirable in any way, it’s just different from what the majority of people are doing at their weddings now. So maybe your perception is a bit skewed from most other peoples, because your frame of reference is quite different than theirs. When you come from an area that does strictly punch and cake receptions, serving a full meal, having a DJ and dancing, entertainment for guests, etc. will naturally feel “over the top”... when, in reality, these things are viewed as typical by a majority of people in the country.

View Quoted Comment Again, I think this really depends on your area. My mother and her sisters got married in the 70s and 80s (Way before reality TV!) and each one of them had 4-6 bridesmaids and groomsmen.

I'd say we all have to take these "bridal reality shows" with a grain of salt. They are based on ratings and popularity so how can any of us take them as reality? Maybe in some form thay are someone's reality but who is walking around with a camera crew during the planning proces, pitching fits, and telling the "audience how much we budgeted and spent on a wedding. Unfortunately, social media (tv, internet, etc.) has so much influence on what we think we want etc. that you may think find yourself mimickimg behaviors, usings colloquioisms (bridezilla, etc.), about yourself or others and having the exact wedding we said we wouldn't duplicate on tv . Let's face it, we are influenced in some way. For me, because I see a little of myself in each show and have the commonality of getting married, I don't take it too seriously. My ultimate goals is just doing what makes my fiance' and I happy and not trying to be in the poor house to achieve OUR "perfect"wedding.

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This makes sense

I am getting married in the South and all of the weddings I've been to or heard about friends going to in that region have included a full dinner/meal. The weddings I've been to in the Northeast have been the same way. Tbh, unless it was a VERY casual, local wedding, I would 100% expect a meal or at least heavy apps.


I don't think it's wedding TV or celebrity weddings as much as it is social media and what people in your circle do. One couple gets an idea off Pinterest or Instagram and does it at their wedding, someone else sees the idea and copies it, and then it becomes "a thing" and people feel like they have to do it because it's expected and people would notice if it were absent. I felt this way about bridesmaid proposals.

View Quoted Comment I will say that the cash bar seems regional. I had never heard of a cash bar until I went to a wedding in Indiana and was asked to pay for a cocktail. Have also seen cash bars in Texas and Illinois. In New York, a cash bar would be a serious offense.


Actually at the Texas wedding, the grandmother of the bride was from NY and covered the tab for the small NY table because she didn't want to offend the us haha

View Quoted Comment Until I got on a WW, I had no idea people actually do this at their weddings. I am from Illinois and I have never been to, seen, or heard of a cash bar here.

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I'm from South Carolina, and I've never seen a cash bar at any event. This is one of the few things that I think are just unacceptable at a wedding. I don't even bring a wallet into a wedding! I think brides should do as they please with their big day, but a cash bar is just tacky, in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment I don't think I've ever encountered a cash bar, but I remember having heard of them since long ago (I was born in the Northeast/tristate area). My impression is that beer and wine only weddings are less common here, but it's been a long time since I've been to a wedding in this area.

View Quoted Comment It would definitely be a huge no-no for my family, friends, etc. also. I just couldn’t imagine inviting people to your event, then asking them to pay their own way. I think this one definitely falls under the proper hosting/etiquette header though.

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Yes that is a breach of etiquette, not tradition. Just like you don't charge guests when they are invited to your home.

View Quoted Comment I also hadn't heard of beer or wine only until I left NY. My cousin's tried to have a limited bar wedding, and their parents ended up covering the cost of a full bar because some guests asked about it. I don't mind a limited bar as much, but I'm used to the full open bar.

View Quoted Comment Maybe this is just me but I don't see how it's poor etiquette to offer a cash bar option for liquor but acceptable to not feed guests at all. That just seems very logically inconsistent. I'd be very annoyed if I went to a wedding where all they served was cake and punch. I wouldn't be offended at all if I could get a beer or wine for free but had to pay for hard liquor.

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To me, I would say you needed to serve food with any bar service. The last thing I would want is a party of totally hammered guests because i gave them alcohol to wash down their slice of cake LOL. But I guess I would probably rather have to pay for my drinks than not be served dinner, if it came down to the two!

View Quoted Comment It's the taking out wallets at a party for me. If the reception is at a non-meal time and they serve cake and punch, that's way better imo than a partial or full cash bar. But if they don't serve food during a meal time, I would be upset

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This is valid! If you don't plan to serve dinner, I would definitely not have your wedding around dinner hours!

View Quoted Comment Completely on the same page with you on this one. Although, I assume somebody only hosting a cake and punch reception would probably not even offer bar options. At least I hope not! Because if you can afford an open bar, that money should have been put towards food for your guests instead. Plus, an open bar with no food = very inebriated guests.

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Of course. You fit the beverages to the main refreshments. Although some would serve alcohol with just cake, it's a recipe for disaster and lawsuits. Don't offer alcohol unless you're serving a full meal or equivalent. And bartenders are prohibited by law frim serving unless there is substantial food.

I associate cake and punch with low key church basement receptions and the out of town guests being really close family, most of the guests being local.
It just feels wrong to have people drive to a different venue for cake, or to have guests travel and stay overnight for such a short event.
I have a friend who was Mormom when she got married 25 years ago she what they did was have their temple ceremony - most people were not able to witness for religious reasons - then they had pictures and drove back to their local church for cake and punch, to which the entire church was invited. After that, they had the “real” reception at the reception venue. That was how their local church community did it, that was their social circle and family so that was the norm fir where they lived.