Wedding vs commitment ceremony

A commitment ceremony is not legally binding. It's simply a ceremony to acknowledge your love and commitment to each other, and does not give you any legal benefits that marriage gives you. You do not need a marriage licence or any paperwork to do a commitment ceremony, and you can have anyone you want officiate.

Doing a legally binding ceremony means you need to get a marriage license and witnesses (if required by your state), and you will officially be considered husband and wife by your state afterwards. You will need to find someone who is legally allowed to officiate in your state for the ceremony.

Is he not wanting to be married at all? Or does he just not want a fancy wedding? If he wants to be married to you but just doesn't want to do a wedding in front of family and friends, you could always elope just the two of you, an officiant, and any witnesses required by your state. If you do a commitment ceremony with friends and family in attendance, I would be upfront with your guests that it is a commitment ceremony and not a legally binding wedding. If he doesn't want to be married at all, then you both should have a conversation to get on the same page on what you envision for your relationship.

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I agree with all of this and to add, what are you engaged to do if not to be married? I agree that you need to get onto the same page about how life is going to unfold for you as a couple.

View Quoted Comment He has been married once before and fears that the marriage is going to lead our relationship to the point theirs was at the end. We have been together 5 years and engaged 2 years but never talked about the marriage we got engaged for the mere fact that is what is next and he knows that I would like to be officially married but I am happy with a life with him no matter marriage or just being together in my opinion there is no benefit to marriage. No tax cuts no extra perks we already have a child we raise together and he is the sole income in our home, I'm on all the paperwork and always given the needed permission to discuss what is happening with him medically and financially we share everything together from bank accounts to our home

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Ahh, there are plenty of benefits to marriage, financially and legally speaking...

If he doesn't want to be married, and you're fine with that, then don't get married. You can do the commitment ceremony but it will only be symbolic as Lisa stated. There really is not a comparison to being legally married

View Quoted Comment What are the benefits financially and legally?

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13 Legal Benefits of Marriage: Taxes, Insurance & More (theknot.com)

Legal Benefits of Marriage (brides.com)

Lisa nailed it on the head....... alot of people have what's called crowd phobia. They don't like all of the hassle and bussle and just want something simple. It's important to have that conversation with your FH as you two will need to be on the same page.

View Quoted Comment None of that is even close to being enough for me or him .... we have one income and one child my fiance claims our son every year I stay at home with him. Health insurance we are already covered no matter what his family would never leave me out of any possible enharentance if he passes. There is no true benefit I've made sure that we are set without any of that I worked my butt off for years to be in the place.we are we own our home we own all our vehicles and he brings in the bill and fun money

View Quoted Comment We are on the same page I do not give any cents what we do he would prefer no need for a divorce or the possible jinx of a marriage on our relationship

View Quoted Comment Since you both are OK with not being legally married, a commitment ceremony sounds like a good option! If you host a celebration with guests, I would let them know ahead of time that it's a commitment ceremony and not a legally binding marriage, but beyond that, the ceremony and reception could have pretty much all of the same elements as a wedding.

View Quoted Comment I mean the fact that he believes that marriage is what caused his previous relationship to fail is incredibly immature. I'm married to my second husband. Marriage didn't cause my previous relationship to fail. Being married to someone who didn't share my values and who emotionally, and eventually physically, abused is why my first marriage failed.


If you don't want to get married, that's fine and a choice lots of couples make. It makes no sense though to get engaged and have a commitment ceremony if you're choosing that marriage isn't for you.

View Quoted Comment Good for you two!! I'm sure that your blessed day will be amazing

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That's great! I'm happy you guys have found what works for you. I hope you're able to find a good middle on the legalities of marriage, too!

It sounds like neither of you even care whether you are married or not and that you are actually rather defensive about the subject. I agree with the other poster that said your fiance sounds immature for believing that being married is what caused his previous marriage to fail. Relationships and marriages fail for plenty of reasons. Solely just being married isn't a reason a relationship fail. I also think your belief that his family wouldn't ever cut you out of any inheritances is misguided. People have fallouts all the time so unless he already has a will naming you the person to receive everything then there is no guarantee you will and even if he does then his family if they decided to later on could try to stop it.

You guys could try some marriage counseling. It is not the act of marriage that would naturally trigger anything to break up the commitment. Try to work out a few of the issues he has. Normally the marriage should secure what you have and make a more stable situation for the kids.

I would suggest getting all paperwork (wills, deeds, insurance, assets, etc.) signed and copied for you and your dependent's security in either event. Marriage is what you make it, and it's not all a win-win. Paying taxes for inheritance or transfer of assets is an unnecessary financial burden. I'd read up on your area's laws on inheritance and common law marriages. In my case, we were planning to have all our financials assessed for a prenup, but became distracted. Ultimately, we had no tax benefit and were penalized. No comment on hospital and death authority though. Good luck.