Wedding vs No Wedding?

Whether you have a big traditional event with 200 guests and a beautiful venue or you go to the courthouse and it's all over within 15 minutes, you're still having a wedding and you're still going to be married at the end of the day. You and your FH are the only ones who can determine how important the actual event is and if you can afford it. Do you have a set budget? Have you sent out save the dates? If not, you could cut your guest list to make it more manageable. You could host a smaller, but still traditional, wedding for your closest friends and family.

You could always change your vision to be more affordable but still have a wedding! If money is the stressor (as it is for most) cut the guest list, have a grocery store cake/cupcakes, have cheaper food. A smaller guest list cuts costs almost everywhere. Since you already have a venue/dress/photographer and it's still early enough that you can change the guest list I'd just look into having something smaller! I can promise you that you will regret not doing what you wanted when its all said and done. We were in similar financial standing when we got married and we just tried hard to make everything as affordable as possible while still having the wedding we wanted. It can totally be done, but being overwhelmed is normal!

Find the problem and find a solution. Sounds like money is the issue, so talk to your fiance about ways to save money in every area. Cut the guest list, cut the expensive flowers, do beer and wine only, have BBQ or italian or mexican food buffet, do cheap or DIY invites, etc. Good luck!

First off take a breath! You have time.

No it's not worth going into debt over but a wedding can be done within a tight budget.

I would start with a itemized budget figure out what the big ticket items you have left are and how you can reduce cost (bbq catering, doing just a cake and punch reception, skipping the DJ, super market flowers).

From there start evaluate the ”extras” things that seem necessary but you can go without and can save you a lot of money (aisle decor, anything personalized, favors, welcome bags, fancy wedding cake -- sheet cake and cute cutting cake are a great alternative here)

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We decided to do our own taco bar since it seems more affordable than having it catered which helped on cost! I feel like the only thing we have left are invitations, flowers, and the cake. But then someone mentioned a DJ (which I planned to bring my really good quality JBL speakers), which may seem really cheap, but they were like what about lights. It just seems like one thing after the other even after I try to be more affordable in certain areas, I get hit in the face with something else. Im thankfully down to around 100 people which is really tight for our families since we have large families!

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Don't worry about the DJ. Having music playing on speakers is just fine. I totally feel you on all of this. I wanted to elope the whole time but FH wanted a wedding. Now we decided to buy a house with 3 months left until the wedding and I'm really stressing on money. Just have the wedding you can afford. All the extras and the little details won't matter at the end of the day as long as you are married.

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Look for invites on sale! Vistaprint has MEGA sales for the holidays, they will have them for Memorial DAy, 4th of July, etc. Buy your invites then or buy a template from Etsy and have the invites printed at FEDEX or some local paper shop! That can save a ton of money. You can also do E-vites, less formal but they get the job done. Just make sure the follow up with people to make sure they got it. Then make a free website so they can RSVP. Speakers are a totally fine option, just remember DJ's usually call the shots and also make announcements. If a friend/family member would be willing to do that then that works, if not any kind of music will do. I went to a wedding where a family friend DJ'd and it was honestly fine, they were no professional, but we were all drinking and singing Willie Nelson, lol. DIY the flowers! I did mine from Sams club, so cheap and really not that hard if you keep it simple! Have a mom/grandma/someone help you put them together and it can be really really fun! And the lights...Christmas lights will be on sale well before Halloween is over. You can totally find some nice cheap string lights in the fall time to hang up (we bought all of ours at Christmas time!) on the other hand, most people have strings of Christmas lights in their garages. Ask around and see if you can borrow them for the wedding! Likely, they aren't being used for anything else!

Make a plan so that you have a budget and just stick to that as to what you need to do and see if it's feasible. Whether you have the money or not-wedding planning is stressful. Make a plan and maybe get a friend to assist with you

I faced a similar dilemma when I first got engaged. Planning is so stressful, but FH and I decided to do a courthouse wedding for us and our closest friends and then having the big ceremony in a few years when we had time to gather all the money and not go into debt. The big ceremony is basically a vow renewal for us.

Have something small with maybe 10-15 people. You can still walk down to your groom and your BFFs will be there too. Then go on a trip. Sounds like you’ll be less stressed that way. It would suck to have a bigger wedding and regret it afterward.

Also you mentioned wanting a wedding “like my friends have had”. No no no! Why be the same? Do something different and do what YOU’LL be happy with.

If all you want is fiancee, your friends, and the dress, then do just that. Have an intimate/micro wedding ceremony, have a small dinner after, and go on a nicer honeymoon.

Go to the courthouse, or even a small park or something and do what you can afford! You can wear the dress you bought, have your photographer come and take some fun pictures! You don’t even have to wait until November!

I felt very much like it sounds you do and decided I wanted a wedding. I want those pictures and those memories and to enjoy one special day with close family and friends.

My FH and I are not having a huge wedding with a ton of crazy stuff but it will be beautiful. I will tell you some of the things we did to cut down on costs if you decide you want a wedding. But keep in mind, you should want the wedding for YOU & your FH. Not just because your friends did it.

Ways we did or considered cutting cost:
(Since you already have your venue and dress I won't get into those but we did save about $3,000 in those 2 areas combined)

1. Flowers- I was able to get all bouquets for me and bridesmaids as well as an extra box of 60 flowers for $200 total of the sola wood flowers. I LOVE flowers but didn't want to spend $500 - $1000 on one's that would all die in a few days. I used Etsy shop name Luv2DoItYourself. If you msg her and tell her what you need she will give you a complete quote with breakdown on prices. These last pic of the pink and white is my sola bouquet flowers.

These are also nice bc they can double as a gift for your bridesmaids.

If you don't like the sola wood flowers, you can get good deals on flowers at craft stores and make them yourself. This would have been cheaper than what I did but I liked the sola flowers alot.

2. Invitations- I ordered them off Ebay and they are gorgeous and already printed. It included the invitation, RSVP card and also an extra card you can use as details, save the date or program or anything you want. It also had envelopes for all included cards. And that was for 100 of each. I paid about $105 total. See image above.

3. Keep your guest list small- We are only inviting close friends and family. I think our total tally ended up being like 68 people. This cuts down on the amount of everything you need. I found several different algorithms on Pinterest and used those to decide who to invite and who not to invite. The main thing I remembered off of one of them was 'Would it make a difference if this person was not there to share your special day' - That one helped me rule in and out many guests.

4. DIY- You can do so many things yourself that people charge an arm and leg for. I don't need a wedding planner, day of coordinator, or to pay someone to make my centerpieces.

I made the above centerpieces for about $7.50 a piece. Found the mason jars on sale at Michael's for $1, 1 can of spray paint $6 and 10 of the premade bouquets at Michael's for $5 each.

I am in the process of making all the boutonnieres myself. I went with artificial flowers for the guys and went to Joanns last wk when they had their buy 1 get 2 free sale on spring Flowers. I spent $11 on flowers, got roll of twine and roll of floral tape from dollar tree, total of $2, and $6 for Fray Check to keep the ends of the flowers looking nice. Already had hot glue gun, glue sticks, and the lace I cut and made small bows. That's $19 to make 7 boutenierres. It was going to cost me $12 each for sola wood boutonnieres.

5. Seamstress- If you feel comfortable, try word of mouth referrals or look online on google for a private seamstress. I found my seamstress on google and she is awesome with great reviews. Her prices were incredibly better too. The bridal shop was going to charge me $550 for what she has done so far. My bill with her was only $110.

6. Cake- paying $3-$8 per cake slice is ridiculous! I've been to several weddings and dont remember ever even eating the cake. We are having a nice cake but were just getting it from walmart. Its $140 for 3 tier and $58 for 2 tier.

7. Beverages- are you having alcohol at your wedding? Have a friend throw you a stock the bar party.

8. Amazon & Ebay are your friends! I got my gorgeous garter set for $4, my headband for $14, my cake serving set for $5, and there is other stuff I know I'll be ordering.

These are just some of the ways we saved, and I hope if you want a wedding you get a beautiful one. But planning it should be an enjoyable experience. Try stepping back and thinking about if you will regret in 1, 5, 10 years that you didn't have a wedding. If not, head to the courthouse, if so, then start planning!

Hope something here helps!

Having a wedding like your friends had is not a reason to have a wedding. You are stressed and it sounds like neither of you truly want a wedding! At the end of the day, you and your FH will be married. If having a small wedding at a courthouse is what will work for you, do it! Who cares what your friends did. That was their wedding and you don't have to match anything they did. Do your own thing. Most of all, take a break from everything wedding for a weekend or a week. You still have plenty of time to plan whatever type of wedding you have. Wedding planning can be fun but at the end of the day, big wedding, small wedding we will all get married! Good luck!

Girl, I am right where you are!!! We already sent out our STDs and put down deposits and so on.... we are so far into planning that it would be dumb to not go through with it.

I honestly suggest thinking about it again in the morning. Things always look better in the morning.

You can do cheap fake flowers from Etsy of DYI. Do a cake and punch reception. Make a playlist on your phone.

Definitely not worth going in debt! There's a happy middle though, you can have a great wedding and not go into debt. Don't get caught up with all the extras, they are nice but they aren't necessary.
Get a small cutting cake and then serve your guests sheet cake. We're using Costco sheet cake, it's $20 for 48 servings.

When you come up on the final stretch things can get overwhelming I’m in agreement with others overall. Don’t worry about what your friends had and do what you can afford. We may be taking the like what my friends had out of context. You probably meant it more in the terms of you want all the bells and whistles that is customary. You’ve come so far at this point. Take a break. Take a week off from wedding everything. Come back to the table see what you have accomplished see what you have left to go. Don’t be too proud to ask for help. I’m not saying to become a begging bride but if you have any DJ friends see if they can help for the low. If not see if someone will man the music if you’re using a phone I’d recommended one that isn’t in service but can play music or a tablet or iPad. There’s nothing like that moment when the phone being used for music needs to be used lol.

Go back to the drawing board. Pinterest and YouTube can really help you with some of the basics and how to do it on a budget. Check out rent my wedding. They have up lights and monogrammed lights and photo booth for a very reasonable price. Maybe getting something like that can eliminate some other things you may be trying to bunch together or at least bring the pizazz you’re trying to get on a tight budget.

If you havent paid the photographer yet I’d maybe hold off on that. While those memories are priceless in theory in reality they come at a very high price usually. See if you can recruit a family member or friend or a friend of a friend to take your photos. Buy a decent camera maybe even two get a tripod and let the magic happen. Out of about 10 friends that have gotten married the last couple years 1 had a professional. She had some great candids but the rest of her photos were about the same as everyone else. If anyone has an iPhone portrait mode on a tripod is a pretty good picture. They even have Bluetooth remotes.

You have options!!! Find the ones that work for you and let that be that. No matter what you do that day you will marry your man!!!! I spent most of my first marriage wishing I had a wedding no matter how small. I won’t make that mistake and recommend others don’t as well. Relax think outside the box don’t be afraid not to have certain things and get back to enjoying creating the day you marry the man you love. Look at it as creating a loving and comforting environment to celebrate the love you have. Wish you well.

I agree. You should look at your budget and see where you can cut things to make it more affordable. No one is going to notice if you don't arrive in a limo (for example). They are going to be too busy looking at you to notice what you don't have and will focus on what you do.

I feel the same way. I'm sorry you going through this and I definitely wish we would of chosen the courthouse option but feeling financially stuck really set you back with the wedding planning process. My only light at the end of this is seeing my FH husband at the end of the aisle. I realized I got stuck on the commercialized idea of a wedding and planning process and it hasn't been enjoyable for me as either because you think about your life after marriage and don't want to be debt. Do whats best for you and what you feel like is right for you guys. I really wish you all the luck