My fiance’s sister keeps having mental breakdowns. Recently she was saying things like she hates her twin sister’s husband for stealing her twin from her, and she called him up and started yelling at him that she wants her twin sister back. He hung up on her. The parents let her spin herself out, and don’t really get involved. No changing an almost thirty year old woman I guess. Then, on another day shortly after, she pulled me into the drama behind my back saying she hates me as well for stealing her little brother. I’ve over-extended myself making sure they have tons of time together, so I felt super angry upon hearing that.
Anyway, originally this sister had told me I was going to be in her bridal party. I was happy she included me because even though she’s been horrible to me in the past, it made me excited and hopeful that she changed her attitude towards me. Some examples of her being horrible is telling the family I can’t be in any photos at her twin sister’s wedding (luckily they didn’t listen), and going behind my fiance’s back to their parents trying to make it seem like we had relationship problems. It was purely “I just know this and I just sense that,” accusations with no basis in any facts. The parents knew she was being manipulative trying to start drama because that’s just who she is, and they didn’t play into it.
As soon as her twin got married she called up a venue and booked a wedding. The guy she’s marrying seems kind of weak and non-argumentative, so I’m hoping it will work out. Currently she is super behind on everything. Hasn’t even sent invitations out and the wedding is supposed to be happening in a little over two months.
After her mental breakdown, she said she wishes to kick all significant others out of her bridal party and have siblings only, but she can only kick me out because she doesn’t consider me family, and she has to keep family peace. It’s like wow, my feelings don’t matter to you? I never felt entitled to be included, but you invited me to your bridal party and then kicked me out. That’s a friendship/relationship ending move (opinions wanted please, am I being too harsh?) It stings because I really thought we bonded a lot and that she saw me like a little sister (I’m in my early 20s).
My fiance apologized to me for what she did and his parents also apologized for the way she’s been acting and said that she’s dealing with a lot of mental turmoil. They said it's not personal towards me and it reflects her own issues, and they hope I would be open to her when she has matured (does anyone reading this think that’s even something to be hopeful for?). I told my fiance for her to be on good terms with me, I need an apology from her. He told me he understood, and he would be the same way, but not to expect it from her because she acts irrational towards everyone, and never apologizes.
I am very lucky that my fiance is very upset with her behavior too. She has a track-record of making me feel unimportant, and doesn’t think our relationship is as important as hers. She has been acting fake and kind to my face, but unkind behind my back for a while. The wedding party incident was the pinnacle. He also has his own experiences with her. She gets jealous of him whenever he has an accomplishment instead of being happy for him which bothers him a lot. Many of the things she says to him make her sound like a narcissist.
As previously mentioned, what stings the most is that I pictured her as someone who would be a big sister to me. The other twin sister has been amazing to me, so at least I have her, but it’s hard to get that sister’s time without the bad one tagging along. The bad one is afraid of me becoming more important to her sister than her. The good sister also understands what I’m going through because she’s dealing with the bad sister’s jealousy over her husband and her. None of it makes much sense to me because the bad sister has her guy she’s getting married to who spends so much time with her.
I don’t know what to do with this sister. I don’t have any sisters or cousins of my own, and I was always told I would get my sisters later in life. I’ve always had friends, but never anything deep like a sister-type bond. I think that’s why this situation bothers me so much and I hate that it bothers me so much. I also have this feeling of wanting her to feel what it’s like to be in my shoes, but I’ve never had any opportunities. I’ve tried kindness with her for years, and her behavior continues to be bad. Any ideas?
