Weddings bringing out the worst in family..

Is the drama related to the wedding, or outside of it?

It sounds like it's outside of the wedding, and if that's the case you're right- they should NOT be drawing you two into this. How rude!

If it is something wedding related, I'd get to the bottom of it and figure out what's going on there.

It had to do with my bridal shower. Sorry I was typing so fast I forgot to mention that. Even still it wasn’t right for him and I to get involved. Fsil bailed and my sister wanted to her to pay for her portion of the shower. She bailed 3 nights before the shower apparently. It’s crazy that I even know this. They don’t know each other and it started a war. $60 of that $100 has been paid. Like seriously leave him and I out of it. Stop calling us, stop texting us. I didn’t ask for a shower.. ugh family sucks sometimes.

Me!!! Drama, drama, drama! All FH SIDE. So sick of it!!

People can have a funny way of making your day about their own issues. It's not okay.

Not family thankfully but friends....bridesmaids who are from different points in my life wanting it to be about them. UGH!!!

View Quoted Comment ^^^ this!!! So much this!!! My sister was making it all about her. What happened to the days of everyone getting along and actually being happy for the couple? I was so upset last night. I cried so much that my eyes were so swollen this morning. Legit looked like someone punched me. FH and I are fine now. We spoke and he even told my sister that he didn’t want a family feud. All of this over $40! Just cut your damn loss. Is it really worth all of this? This is what I get to remember from my bridal shower. Awesome.

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Oh, yeah, that's completely unnecessary and not okay.

WOW. What a situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, OP. I would tell them to please leave the two of you out of it. It was sweet of them to want to plan a shower for you, but that doesn't mean you're responsible for their falling out.

View Quoted Comment Yup! Totally agree! Worst part is.. my fsil finds out tomorrow if she has cancer. Now while she is notorious for never having money and over committing, my sister was pissed she didn’t show up. I can’t blame her. She just had part of her thyroid out on Monday. My shower was Saturday! What a nightmare!!! Hopefully it blows over and everyone can move forward. These 2 ladies will have to see each other at my bach party- which is paint night and dinner. Then at the wedding.. that’s it!

Sorry you’re dealing with this. I agree with others to just tell them you want to stay out of it.
I don’t think drama with family is a wedding-specific problem. If someone tries to make your wedding revolve around them, they are going to tend to do that no matter the situation.
Im not close with my family. They are just difficult people and everything is always about them, being around them really stresses me out. I figured my wedding day would be the ONE day that’s about me(and my H), and hoped my family would be normal and happy and pleasant and celebrate. Nope. They, like always, couldn’t get their act together and had to make everything about them. My sister threw a fit when we were getting ready, my grandfather didn’t bother to show up on time for photos, my sister also purposely stepped on my dress and said “it was in my way”, my parents complained about the band even though they were AWESOME and everyone else loved them, my dad dragged us away from cocktail hour to take more photos with his side of the family even though we were done with family photos and specifically did photos before the ceremony so we could enjoy cocktail hour... and plenty of other annoying things.

I guess the rambling point I’m trying to make is, if family is willing to cause drama on the one day they shouldn’t, then they will always cause drama no matter the situation. That’s just who they are. And I’m glad, in my case, that I’m finally realizing that so I stop trying to rely on them to act like a normal family. If they can’t act appropriately on my wedding day, then they never will. I haven’t cut them out of my life completely, but I sure as hell limit the time I spend with them. Maybe that is something that will help you.

View Quoted Comment I'm so sorry that they stressed you out. I don't know how close you are but if you are close, I would let them know how this hurt you/ stressed you. I'm sure it wasn't their intention but they brought you into the middle of their argument and regardless of who was right in the beginning they were both wrong for putting you and fh into the fray.

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Thank you for this. I will be slowly distancing myself from my family after the wedding is done. I have to for my sanity.

Oh I feel you on family drama. When I got married the first time it was only a couple weeks notice. My mom asked my aunt if she could utilize the big family christmas to try to throw me a bridal shower since everyone would be there. My aunt was pissed. Like livid. She wanted to keep Christmas separate from my wedding as they had never done that for anyone else. It's a huge family..my mom is 1 of 7 kids and there are lots of cousins. My mom has always been all about herself and I'm sure did not approach it in the best way. I guess my mom ended up writing my aunt a nasty letter which resulted in my aunt thinking I was behind the request for some reason. Most of my mom's family still does not talk to her because of this and made me an outcast. I did not know the extent of how much my family hated me because of this until one of my aunts passed away 2 years ago and I saw most of my other aunts for the first time in 10 years. So yeah I totally get the family drama from weddings thing. I miss so much of my family all because of my first marriage...which ended in divorce anyways lol(we never should have gotten married)

View Quoted Comment Exactly, you need to do what’s best for your sanity and take care of yourself😊

I got a ton of drama with my mama. Literally just wrote a very lengthy email to our counselor. She came to the shower and was nasty, condescending, and demanding. She was refusing to leave my home after the shower and was delighted that I was going to call the police to escort her out. She ran out the door before I could do so.

His dad is now telling people they are no longer invited because of some family reunion drama thats in June. These people didn't have a STD, but our calligrapher is doing addresses now for the invitations, so we scratched their name. FI's sister didn't come to the ( $$ ) shower and didn't think to tell anyone. All in the biggest issue is my mother. So happy to have security at the wedding!

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Nosy - are you inviting them this time around? Or just letting it go?

Sorry your mama caused all this drama, she sounds like mine!

Definitely! My mom is throwing a fit like a two year old because I told her she can't invite my druggie brother and his new flavor of the week to the wedding. I haven't even spoken to him in almost 10 years! Hate all the drama

My sister WAS my MOH. I am getting married April 27th. I gave her 5 options for a dress all at different price points. Like you I had several conversations with her as far as if she wanted to be apart of the wedding/handle it/whatever. (BTW, I don't think anyone should have to convince someone to be in their wedding! They should want to or not.) Two weeks before my wedding she still didn't have a dress-told me I was f#$king selfish, I was b*@#h just trying to pick ugly dresses to make her ugly, everything I showed her was hideous and so on..Finally I told her enough was enough and told her I felt better not having her as a part of the wedding party but would love to still have her there as a guest for the big day.

So sorry you are having to deal with this! Family can be the worst at times and the best at others.

When I got engaged I asked my sister to be my bridesmaid three different times- she said no each time. Then months later came at me saying She was mad I didn’t make her a bridesmaid. I sent her screenshots of my mom and SIL saying yes I did ask her and she did NOT like being wrong. She ripped into me any way she possibly could. Like it was no longer about my wedding, she was shredding me on a personal level. She told me she wasn’t going to the wedding and pulled her daughter from being a flower girl. Told me never to speak to either of them again. Didn’t come to Christmas, blocked me on all social media, didn’t return my texts or calls. Nothing.
Finally, about two months ago she spoke to me. Oddly she didn’t mention a thing about any of it. She texted me like nothing happened and everything was just fine. Rather than fight it and lose her again, I just responded the same. We’re okay now, and I’ve gotten to see her daughter which makes me happy.

I hope that all of this just blows over. It is so heavy and hard to have this kind of negativity. It really brings you down! I’m sorry you’re going through this!

Seriously....I totally agree. My mom and I (who normally get along super well) have gotten into several fights, we resolved them, but anytime she doesn't get what she wants she calls me bridezilla so that's nice of her.... and the FMIL is really controlling and doesn't like that I'm planning the wedding on my own because she has no sense of etiquette....so she posts false information on facebook about the wedding and then I have to correct her and she gets all mad. and I'm mad that she's posting about our wedding on FB in the first place but there's nothing I can do.....it just feels like weddings turn into families getting mad because so and so isn't invited or because you didn't spend enough or spent too much....why cant we all just celebrate marriage and not just have a judging fest? I even had an aunt I haven't seen in 2 years contact me just to tell me she was offended that her step-niece that I've never met wasn't invited, I was like "okay thanks but the wedding is in a few weeks so there's nothing I can do".... I'm just ready for my wedding day to be over, doctors keep saying all my medical issues are symptoms of extreme stress and they ask what has changed in my life and the only factor is our wedding so apparently wedding planning is making me unhealthy...ugh haha

Sorry you're dealing with this. I do agree with PPs that people always want to make big events about them. Its frustrating. I live and work in DC. Our wedding is in DC. We were planning our rehearsal dinner and welcome party in DC because our guests are staying in DC. My mom and dad live in Maryland and are trying to make me have the rehearsal dinner in MD and trying to coax me into it under the guise of helping me pay for it even though its inconvenient for everyone but them and all so he doesn't have to look for parking. SMH I didn't even ask them to pay for it or contribute at all.