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Elizabeth
Beginner January 2022

Wedding(s) Drama

Elizabeth, on April 15, 2021 at 12:54 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 40
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Hi, new here, I’m gonna attempt to give the most concise explanation possible and maybe y’all will have good advice/ideas.
I had a COVID wedding in January 2021. Changed the date once and didn’t want to change again, so we made the best of it and did a drive in wedding behind our church. Planning the wedding, I had minimal support from my mom and sister. They have reasons, my mom was too focused on her moms health (I was my grandmas primary caregiver and my mom was upset that I was trying to get married while my grandma needed so much care and it was COVID times. My sister simply despises my husband, she has for a decade, and her reasons has always been unclear. Well I pushed on and had my wedding anyway, because it was really the only thing bringing me joy at the time. (There was so much drama at home trying to take care of my grandma and my sister being rude and unsupportive, and my husband and I were going to move in with my mom and grandma and sister to continue helping with my grandma, but my sister was adamant that he cannot live in the same house as her. My mom basically took her side so I had to step back a lot and that put a lot more pressure on my mom to do more than she could). But three days after my wedding, my grandma had a heart attack... after a long 3weeks in the hospital, we moved her home on hospice so she wouldn’t have to be alone in the hospital when she passed... having been her main caregiver for years spending nearly 24/7 with her... I didn’t want to be away from her when she passed, so I asked my husband for us to stay at the house for a few days while we see how everything played out. After him staying over for one night, my sister threw a literal tantrum. She is 27 years old. I’m 32.. so then I spent a week without him as I sent him home and stayed with my grandma. Then his friend died.. and things were traumatic for both of us. So I gave my sister a heads up that he was coming back.. she never said anything until he was back again and she threw another tantrum, this time too his face telling him he doesn’t belong here and why can’t he take a hint and go home. My grandma was on her deathbed, my mom was telling my grandma kind things about the whole family being here with her, and my sister is saying “except for the people who need to leave.”
It was so rude and so hurtful. And my mom took my sisters side later basically accusing me of forcing my marriage on my sister “at a time like this.” Anyway, I ended up being forced to choose between being there 24/7 with my grandma or going home at night to support my husband. I ended up being with my grandma during the day and going home at night for about 3 days. Luckily, my grandma passed during the day while I was there instead of at night when I was away. After all this, my sister made another fuss about my husband going to the funeral with me. Long story long, my sister has been causing drama and hurt for years and this was a deep cut that my husband and I have to heal from.. now because I had a COVID ceremony, we postponed our reception to our first anniversary in January 2022 to have a combo party. And, even though my sister was a bridesmaid (begrudgingly) my husband does not want her coming to the reception/anniversary party.I get it, I think he has a right to feel that way... I still kinda want my sister there regardless but I suppose that’s because I feel like she is supposed to be there as like a sisterly duty.Add to everything, my sister got engaged the day before my grandma passed and is getting married in September. I’m not knocking her for getting engaged at that time, she loves my grandma and was happy she got to come home and show my grandma her ring, but I am annoyed that she’s rushing to squeeze her wedding in before I’ve even had a chance to finish mine. And now she’s asking for all kinds of tips and advice and references and asking to borrow things I bought and used... it’s frustrating and making me feel resentful because she won’t apologize (although I’m considering asking her, but knowing her, she will turn it around and blame me somehow, making herself and innocent victim) and honestly her ugliness towards me and my husband isn’t even directly wedding related, because she did show up and put on the face for my ceremony, and she’ll do the same for my reception I’m sure, but my husband doesn’t care because he doesn’t think she should get a pass to be ugly towards us and still be allowed at our marriage celebration.Too this all off with I’m expecting she might even make a fuss about my husband attending her wedding with me... anyone got words of wisdom???

40 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on April 18, 2021 at 8:39 PM
  • N
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Natalie ·
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    Your sister needs to apologize to your husband. Honestly if I were in this situation I would tell my sister that she's on her own and can figure her wedding out by herself, but that's just me.

    You have every right to feel resentful towards her because of the way she has treated you and your husband. Just go on with your plans and ignore her. Does she know that y'all are waiting to do your reception on a certain date? If so just go ahead and do whatever you like, you don't have to invite her to the reception if you feel like she will create problems with your husband, remember it's his day too. I hope this helps you figure out what you want to do.

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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    I am a big believer in doing all things necessary to rectify disputes within the family because after all, its family, right? There is however a point at which you need to draw a line at certain behaviour that you cannot accept, even from family.

    What you have described is that your sister hates your husband (and always has) for some unknown reason and has been everything but diplomatic about how she has handled this hatred. As you yourself have pointed out, she has gone out of her way to make him feel uncomfortable and unaccepted, albeit, she put on a face for you for your wedding. My own sister once spat in my fiance’s face because she didn’t like him. He was 24 and she was 7 at the time (she and I have a big age gap) and it took a very long time for me to forgive that behaviour. Your sister is twenty seven, not seven. She does not have the excuse of being a child that doesn’t know how to verbally communicate her feelings or how to deal with situations she doesn’t want to be in. What is worse is that your sister (who by the way is free to get married whenever she wants, regardless of if it is before your wedding) is acting as though nothing has ever happened and like she has done nothing wrong. I’m appalled that no one else called her out for it and I feel really sorry for your husband for having to endure this.

    I fully agree with your husband that your sister should not be present at your wedding reception but that will only cause more tension. I think you need to have a really long and hard discussion with her and explain to her that her behaviour has caused friction with you and your husband, and between you and her, and that she needs to apologise and change her ways going forward. It is not fair to your husband and this is only going to get worse over time if your sister is not called out for this behaviour.

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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    So.... your sister despises your husband but you have nooo idea why???? Hmm... Ive got to be honest with you OP.... there seems to be some significant holes here. You cant think of anyyy reason why she openly DOES NOT like him?? And you know that your sister doesn’t like him, and your sister just experienced a loss of your grandmother. Just because your husband also experienced a loss, doesn’t give you the right to have him stay at the house. If anything you should be at home grieving with your spouse. Why use a passing as an excuse to force a stay of your husband at the house. If your mother is taking your sisters side on this then that’s usually a pretty good indication that maybe somethings not quite right.... if you claim to not know and its so unclear to you have you ever thought about exploring that to see why she doesn’t like him?
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    And also to add, you’re annoyed because you feel like you didn’t get to “finish your wedding”? Your sister’s wedding is in September. Your reception is in January. She’s 27 years old. If she wants to get married this year, that’s her personal choice.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I’m going to agree with DJ on all fronts here. You say your sister has never liked your husband, but you don’t know why? Have you ever asked? I also agree that your mom taking your sister’s side here makes me more suspicious of you not knowing the reason he’s unliked. Why would mom get in the middle if she didn’t know/understand/maybe even agree with your sister’s view of your husband.


    As for your sister getting married- plenty of people have short engagements. She doesn’t owe you an entire year. You got married. It’s great you are having a reception to celebrate with everyone, but your sister isn’t required to wait until that’s over to get married.
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  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
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    Is your husband the only issue between you and your sister? Your sister's feelings towards your husband seems to run pretty deep. There has to be a reason for it. The fact that you don't know the reason seems like you either don't care enough about her feelings to ask her or want to turn a blind eye to the reason.
    Even though you were your grandmother's primary caregiver for years that doesn't mean losing her wasn't equally as hard on your sister. Then you throw your husband in to the mix and you had to know that would end in a disaster.
    If you ever want peace in your family you and your sister need to have a heart to heart, as difficult as it might be, to try to resolve these issues. As far as her getting married, if you don't want to help her plan because of the issues between you two that's totally understandable. However, you already had your wedding, whether or not it was the one you dreamed of. You don't get to claim a whole year as yours and no one else can have life events during that time. She's getting married months before your renewal so it won't steal your thunder in any way. I hope you and your sister can resolve these issues.
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  • Victoria
    Devoted June 2020
    Victoria ·
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    Family kinda sucks sometimes. I’ve been with my partner 10 years and my sister has been a terror the whole time. Blames her for our ruined sister relationship (meanwhile she’s the one who moved out of state and never even asks me about how work is going). She throws tantrums at me and my mom (when she’s home and catches a glimpse of my SO). Despite her acting like this I had asked her to be my MOH(2018). About a month later I demoted her to guest, but didn’t tell her- she wasn’t answering my texts. When I sent the invite she said she wasn’t sure she was going to come (also bc I had a falling out with my grandparents who wanted a key to the house I bought from them). She never RSVPd and said she’s a first responder so coming to my 6/2020 wedding wasn’t going to happen. She’s too important (she’s a veterinary student 🙄).
    She showed up that day and brought my dad who was in too much pain to get out of bed but wanted to congratulate us. My SO and I went out to the road and said a distanced thank you. Later my sister got angry that we stood too close and that her and dad had only wanted to see me (dad loves my SO more than me). I told her that I hated that she decorated the car and it said ‘We love Vicki’. Her response was that I was taking it the wrong way. 🙄
    I don’t think your sister is worth your and your husband time, period, much less for your reception. She’s only going to be polite at the reception so no one thinks she’s the problem. I only invited my sister to my one year bc I know she won’t come. I would suggest distancing yourself from her wedding too, and stop bringing your husband around her when it is dangerously unnecessary. You two don’t need that- that’s making your sisters problem into your problem and you don’t deserve to do that to yourselves.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree with all of the things dj has mentioned. You seriously don't have a clue why she hates him. Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with her, just the two of you. If this was my situation I would be doing what I can to find out why my family member hated my husband that much. Obviously there is some deep unresolved issues between her and him that you just haven't figured out yet. Also I agree your annoyed for your sister to get married before you finish your wedding, im sorry to say but you don't get a whole entire year dedicated to your wedding were other people don't have a right to have their wedding when they want, as long as she isn't getting married the day of your reception she is entitled to her day. I also believe that if she has truly been this horrible to your husband with no reason then you need to stand by him and not have her at your wedding reception.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I also agree with this. If your mom has your sister's back every time she attacks your husband why what does she know that you don't. And why haven't you figured it out. You said she has treated him like this for decades, of this has been going on for decades I would have got to the bottom of it before I married the guy. What if you find out the reason she hates him so much and it turns out to be a huge red flag, like thinking of divorce red flag.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with this. I get being upset at your sister but I think you are focusing on the wrong things. Your whole family is still grieving your grandmother and grief often presents in irrational feelings. So, recognize that and accept it and try to move past these small slights toward how you want to live going forward. The bottom line is: do you want your sister in your life or not? It's your choice.

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  • L
    Dedicated August 2021
    Lw ·
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    I agree with everyone else in that it’s weird you don’t know why she doesn’t like your husband. I would not let her borrow anything or give advice really. Why would she want advice when she hates your husband and the wedding you had/are having next year? I also don’t think it’s a big deal she’s getting married in September. It’s far away from when your ceremonies are. You get a day, not a year. If your husband hasn’t done anything, I would pick your husband over your sister and not invite her if she really is causing this much drama. Plus it sounds like she really wouldn’t want to be there.
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner January 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    She has given strange reasons over the years like saying he’s too dramatic or he didn’t have a good job. Back story is more she didn’t like him from the beginning because I broke up with my ex for him so she labeled him as a home wrecker and refused to get to know him.
    And yes that was the argument my sister and mother gave. So I did leave. But I initially didn’t think they would make a drama over a time like that.. i figured maybe just once they might have sympathy for how I was feeling.. I wanted to be with my grandma 24/7 because I was afraid she would pass away while I was gone. I was the primary caregiver to my grandma and housekeeper and meal maker for my grandma, mom, and sister and she treated me with disrespect all those years, she wouldn’t help me or my mom in the hardest times..It’s just her personality.
    I do appreciate the thought of looking at why they don’t seem to Like him.. I’ve examined the things they said for years and still found it was mostly because hey have an idea of what they wanted for me and it wasn’t the same thing as what I want.
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner January 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    Yea that’s totally true. Lol me being annoyed is probably just more cuz she acted like my wedding was nothing/insignificant.
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner January 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    I just didn’t elaborate a ton on it.. my dad and my other sister have no problem with him. All of our friends and his family and fully supportive. Our church leaders feel we have a strong loving relationship. My sister first didn’t like him because she wanted me to stay with my ex boyfriend and called him a home wrecker, was rude to him for a whole year, he yelled at her once finally, then she refused to have any relationship with him and expected me to dumb him and I didn’t. He apologized and we both did for years and she never cared. My mom sides with her mostly in the sense that she thinks I need to keep trying to work things out with her and be careful what I do and say to not trigger her so I don’t make it worse. She actually does like my husband. But usually assumes our intentions are too upset my sister if we do or say the wrong things and won’t believe me when I tell her I’m not trying to do that and it’s hard to always walk on eggshells.
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner January 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    I’ve tried for 10 years to communicate and have a heart to hear and ask her to explain. She gets annoyed with me and wants me to leave her alone. I think her reasons have evolved over the years maybe? First was cuz she wanted me to stay with my ex, then cuz he yelled at her, and then cuz I didn’t break up with him after that, then my husband and I tried to talk it out and apologize over and over for years. The last things I remember her saying more had to do with she didn’t like that he didn’t go to college, didn’t like that type of job he had, didn’t believe he could financially support me, thinks he’s dramatic. A couple months before we got married, I asked again multiple times and she just doesn’t have patience to have a conversation with me.
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner January 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    Maybe also a sense that i chose him over family, because she didn’t speak to me for 5 years, until about 5 years ago when I dropped everything for my grandma, (maybe I showed her I do prioritize my family when needed) then we have been on better terms except we don’t talk about my husband. She also done any seem to like our religious views? She won’t communicate, so I always feel like I’m guessing 😔
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner January 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    This is definitely what my husband wants us to do! I’m not quite their yet but my therapists have also suggested similarly. Like I’m not trying to dismiss off she has some serious negative feelings, but I can’t just keep waiting around for years for her to talk about it like adults.
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner January 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    Oh the other thing I didn’t point out yet either is my mom kept telling me the solution is to have my husband (previously when he was my bf/fiancé) to come over more so my sister could get more used to him, and then I would try, my sister would make a drama, and my mom would point out how I didn’t do it correctly. (He stayed too long, it wasn’t a good time of day, she never came out of her room or she left to get out of the house.) so then I just wouldn’t have him over and my mom was like telling me “you won’t allow him to come over” and my sister is like “I don’t want him here” and I’m just confused.
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner January 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    I meant to type “a decade” oops if it auto corrected.


    I definitely tried. Tried to the point of making myself depressed and sick. She has voiced opinions and assumptions about him that I know aren’t true, she doesn’t really know him and I think if it was something that serious then she would have spilled it to prevent me from marrying him. When we got engaged she was just like “I’m not crazy about it but whatever you want” and then basically as long as I don’t cross her then she’s fine.
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  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
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    I think it's time for your sister to grow up from what you've said, and you need to be supportive of your husband through this.

    Her behavior while dealing with your grandmother was unacceptable. You wanted to have your husband by your side while you dealt with losing your grandmother and wanted to also be there for him when he lost a friend. Your sister had no right to throw her baggage at the two of you.

    She needs to get over her issues, she treated him badly for a year, it's within his rights to let her know that it's messed up and she needs to move on. I would yell at my FH's family members eventually too if they treated me how it sounds like your sister has.

    It's your relationship, and as long as your husband isn't abusive (physically/emotionally/whatever) and tries to be a part of the family she has no business poking her nose in your lives or give her opinion on if he's good enough for you.

    Next time I saw her I'd let her know that you had things to say and she needed to sit down and hear them. That you're not opening a line of discussion, you're telling her how things are going to be moving forward or you'll be removing her from your life. You chose your husband to be a part of your life for a reason, and your sister's disrespect for your relationship will eventually drive a wedge between the two of you. Especially if you're not giving it your all in defending him when he has done nothing wrong that I can see.

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