Went from 20 guests to zero in 7 months

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While giving a estimate to a caterer sounds good when you call them back to give the final ACTUAL headcount if its below their minimum you are screwed they wont do it. Now you will have 8 weeks or less to try to get food for you final HEADCOUNT. makes no sense to me but apparently to others on here it makes PERFECT SENSE. Also NONE of my guests are traveling far its a half hour for all of them its 3 states for me.

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No, this is WAY too early! Most people won't know if they can make it until a month or two before the date.

If you asked me right now if I could make a wedding in July, I'd have to say I don't know. It would depend on if I could get the time off work, and my job doesn't let you ask months in advance. That could be part of the problem. Plus, as excited as you are to get married, everyone else has their own lives, and it's next to impossible to plan whether or not to attend an event that is still 6 months away. I think you're really doing your guests a disservice. A lot can change in 5 or 6 months. So, before you throw in the towel, you should wait a bit at least.

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I am but they already contacted me NOW saying they cant come. I'm not forcing anyone they still have until march to change but they contacted me for reasons like they cannot get off from work and i understand that. I'm not throwing in the towel yet but if you only had 14 guests originally and 9 of them assured you they cannot make it for whatever reason why still plan as if they ARE COMING that would be stupid. I will not wait for May or June to change this for July. I am already being TOLD so I can save myself the stress and cash. I dont know about you but I will not pay over $2000 for 3 to 4 people. IT was nice for me to invite them and as soon as they found out they could not make it they informed me. So now as I said is it worth it paying over $2000 for 3 to 4 people?

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Thats great I dont want people telling me in June they cant make it in July. Everything will be done and paid for by May at the latest. no last minute invites here or tracking people down. If it's meant to be it will be. 5 weeks is NOT enough time to make changes if half of your guest list INFORMS you that they wont make it. I'm sure in 5 weeks BEFORE the day 99% of your stuff should already be paid in full.

I agree that it seems pretty far out to ask people to confirm, but it also seems odd for so many people to not just be unsure but say they definitely can't get off work. I'm not sure what industry they work in or what day of the week you are planning - but that seems crazy if it's in the same town as them. BUT enough people have talked about that!

Based on all of your posts, and that you enjoy fine dining and seem certain your count will be small (let's say the other 5 people say yes - leaving you with 7 people) and do not want to fret last minute over the count - I do think that a wedding with a DJ and all of that might be a little awkward. However, you can definitely still make it an elegant affair! I do not blame you for wanting to spend a lot of money on a "big" wedding for only a handful of people - I am in the same boat! We opted for a ceremony, followed by a lovely dinner from a four-diamond restaurant that offers a private dining room. If you haven't, search for micro-weddings in NJ. They are geared toward small groups.

Best of luck!
https://www.newjerseybride.com/wedding-ideas/divine-spots-for-your-small-wedding/

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/nj-small-wedding-venues

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Thanks gwendolyn my original amount was 20. But like i said to prev people I will not spend over $2000 for only 3 to 4 people besides me and FH. So I will try and see but at the same token i will not wait until June to do this. My job alone i live in wisconsin and i have to put in 3 months notice for a day off my wedding is on saturday july 11 2020. that is the second saturday following the fourth so alot of my guest are in medical field. and cdl drivers OTR. Quite a bit of the drivers may not even be around to attend which is 9 in this case. I have 6 that would only be placeholders they are cool with us but not "like that" if you know what I mean. Alot of caterers are booked also because July is a peak season month. i've checked those links before and my count is too small. Also this is in northern NJ

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You get the caterer earlier. You give them final numbers less than one month out. They don't need final numbers until then. You give them estimates before then. That's what everyone does, including the (many) people planning from another state.

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Www.bark.com

www.thumbtack.com

I googled event caterers and there had to be 25 that all said small or large groups. If it's going to be 3-4 of you why not just go to a restaurant?

Breathe.
For catering purposes, is there not a reason you can't call around and get an estimate for the cost? We told our caterer we needed an estimate for 150-200 people. And was able to get one. We have about 162 on guest list. Most caterers will adjust the price when you have a final head count of guest.
I do agree invites and rsvp are being excepted to early. Even for a DYI wedding (we are doing everything ourself too.) A simple way to also let people know is send them a message with the date and then tell them you'll send an invite when the time comes.
But don't be upset when people RSVP no. A march deadline for a july wedding is way to early.
If you feel the need to cancel find out what is the latest date you can cancel.

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I have 10 sweetheart for guests

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I dont want a restaurant i want a proper reception dinner with dj

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That doesn't change the process of working with caterers. We get that you have a small guest list.