What are "normal" weddings like where you're from?

Weph! I thought I was going to get a lot of flack especially from NJ brides!

We aren't doing a totally normal NJ wedding and sometimes I feel a little self conscious especially since fiances parents haven't really said much about our plans. We are planning smaller like 85 people with no cocktail hour or apps just 2 food trucks and no formal dinner hour. The trucks will serve for 2.5 to 3 hours and then we'll have a dessert food truck for like 1.5 hours. Our wedding cake will be from nothing bundt cake and we don't want a rehearsal dinner because we aren't having a wedding party (I'm afraid to tell future in laws this for some reason). We are also not having a full open bar, but will offer beer wine and some liquor/cocktails. Technically our venue is beer and wine only but the guy said it's ok. We don't want any dj up lighting. The barn is beautiful as it is and we plan to have lots of games. I don't think I want getting ready photos or to many staged/posed photos and no real announcements or speaches other than our thank you speech at reception. I do feel like I have to offer a hotel block and shuttle but I'm picking hotel with breakfast included so no hosted brunch.

Michigan- Ours are more traditional & then the reception is a big party. Someone just happens to get married in the process

Weddings in the Carolinas are very Pinterest-y. A lot of DIY and painted signs. I'm not a fan of the rustic weddings, but it's the norm here.

I’m from PA & I have noticed a change in wedding. While many weddings are in Catholic Churches & ceremonies are in halls usually w/ school bus shuttles between the 2. The halls cocktail hour - is usually ok, food is so-so (a lot of ppl chose the cheapest option - which I get) and stock pound cake - that few ppl eat. There is always some kind of favors. Weddings are usually on Saturday nights, sometimes Friday. Full open bar, DJ & usually a wedding party table.

Lately, weddings are changing (or maybe it’s bc I moved 30 miles from my old neighborhood). Still in South Eastern PA but more suburbs. Weddings are typically not religious, at golf clubs. Wedding are anytime between Friday - Sunday. RD are usually reserved for wedding party only. Alcohol of some kind is usually served, but it ranges between beer, wine, signature drink & full open bar. DJ are very common, and almost to be expected.

Lol there’s so many “normals” it’s hard to nail it down. I’m mixed and grew up in one area and moved to another so:

Moms side normal (SE PA/Mennonite/PA Dutch/a sprinkling of Amish): No rehearsals or very small ones where you go to a family members house for dinner, no more than 100-125 people, rarely any dancing, very religious ceremonies, often the ceremony and reception are at a place of worship or the reception is in a firehouse/VFW hall. It’s often self-catered or potluck and dry or just beer. The desserts tend to be the same desserts each time that are homemade (sticky tack, shoo fly pie, apple pie, and cheesecake) or from Costco. No next day brunch.

Dads side normal (Puerto Rican): Now I’ve only been to a handful of these because our family is so enormous that lately everyone’s been having super small ceremonies. Generally, it’s a large Catholic wedding (large as in 200+ people). The rehearsals are painfully long. The bridal parties are huge. The rehearsal dinner varies but is generally at a nice restaurant (when I was younger an aunt had one at Dave and Busters and it was so cool for a kid 😝). The whole weekend is shot by the wedding. The early morning of the wedding everyone is hanging out at the brides house hanging out or pre-gaming (or just coffee). Everyone gets ready together if you’re in the bridal party and if you aren’t you head out to someone’s hotel suite or to someone’s house. Lots of talking, coffee, and liquor while getting ready. Then it’s straight to church for the long ceremony, Catholic gap, and cocktail hour. From here on out it’s very similar to OP’s post. Food on food on food. Lots of traditions. Open bar. Oh and everyone is done up to the 9s. Regardless of if it’s black tie or not my aunts are coming in GOWNS my uncles are rocking tux’s. We also (at least the younger ones) go out after the wedding to go drinking and dancing so it’s important to find venues where everyone can find something to do after. The next day we generally pour ourselves over to grandmas house and have coffee and gossip about the wedding.

I’m from Washington and i feel like there’s a lot of family and a lot of people traveling from out of the state. They’re normally just one day and typically on saturdays. they’re also all about the liquor for the most part. i feel like there’s not a lot of different weddings up here either like i haven’t been to a wedding where they didn’t uphold all the traditions.

I’m from south Florida so here we have a big variety of cultures and traditions so all wedding varies. I have attend different type of weddings at different locations from banquet halls, ball rooms, farms, ranch, golf course, a family house and of course the beach.

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We also chose 10/10/2020! I figured it would be easy to remember since FH veto'd using our current anniversary in February, haha.

In OH at least in the bigger city areas they have all been traditional church ceremony with the a big reception at a hall. I did wedding photography for awhile and they were all basically the same with the exception of the rare country club type wedding. We didn't want to have to have a huge reception so we opted to do a DW in Vegas. The first time I got married was in OH and it was a small local UU church ceremony with a mini reception for 16. A lot of people were pissy with us for not having a huge wedding but we couldn't afford one.

Oh this is a fun conversation!

I'm in Middle Tennessee and while I can't speak for all weddings, these are the norms based on my experience.

The venue is usually a church or a barn with a typically religious ceremony. Most weddings I've been to have been dry, but a few have served wine/beer. There's always a rehearsal the Friday before, with the wedding being on Saturday. Receptions usually include dancing (but sometimes not depending on church affiliation). I had actually never heard of having an after party until I joined this forum, so I don't know that that's something usually done in my 'neck of the woods'. I come from a small, rural town which likely explains the more rustic, traditional vibe.

I'm from Ohio but lived in Northern California for 13 years. Every wedding but one I've been to has been a small ceremony either at the courthouse or at church with either a BBQ after or at a restaurant dinner. But everyone in my circle is sensible, doesn't take on debt for a wedding, and keeps things affordable. There's only been one wedding I've been to that was more than that and it was at a winery. Very fun wedding. My favorite though was where she had a DIY sandwich bar and we all got drunk by the fire and played chess.

My sister's wedding was a lot like mine is going to be. Wedding at the same church and restaurant dinner after with just immediate family. Although her and her husband picked Olive Garden for some God awful reason.

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I live in Nashville and am from Chattanooga! You definitely summed up TN weddings very well! I've only been to like 3 weddings with alcohol and have been to a ton of weddings in my lifetime. Brides here are definitely heavy on the rustic barn and church weddings! We're not doing a barn or church wedding, but we do have some rustic things (our venue and wooden signs) and have a lot of Christian aspects to our ceremony. I've never been to a wedding with an after-party either. Also, I didn't know until coming on here that groom's cakes weren't a usual thing for weddings outside of the south. I've never been to a wedding without a groom's cake! Also, I've only been to like 2 weddings with a cocktail hour. We're having one but it's more of an appetizer hour with games as we're not having alcohol. Almost all of the weddings I've been to have had 200+ guests.

Southeast Michigan, our weddings are usually the weekend also but it may also be a cultural thing. Your “normal” wedding sounds a lot like my family typical wedding. I however won’t be doing all the traditional hoopla and just having a Sunday wedding no showers, no rehearsal dinner, no next day brunch with the close family and my guest list is under 100. So very untraditional to what we usually do. But thats how I like it cuz I don’t like the spotlight and neither does FH. I bet if I wasn’t 36 with kids from a previous relationship my family would have insisted on going the whole nine yard with my wedding. They were a little surprised that I wanted to wear white and have a wedding at all. But i told them no fair I still deserve it!😂😂😂

View Quoted Comment 😂😂😂 “someone happens to get married in the process“.. too funny when I was younger we never went to the ceremony just the reception so I would always wonder how come the weddings aren’t like in the movies in a church 😂😂😂

Fellow Central NJ bride here and you totally hit the nail on the head. Sounds about right for our wedding. Country Club, ballroom, 180 people, after party at the hotel later and breakfast the next day 😂

We live in Eastern VA, there is no norm here. There are a lot of people that do the country club, no expense spared weddings, there are a lot of intimate destination style weddings, there are a few typical hall style weddings with buffets and open bars that guests often add to, and then there are several overly DIYed weddings with potluck receptions and reserved public park shelters for next to nothing. We are going for something in between where we provide the food and drinks, but won't have a lot of the extras that I might want if I had all the money in the world to spend (Like a DJ and DOC). Beach weddings are huge here so the trick is finding a unique way to have one. But I have done so many different kinds of weddings, one in a Mexican restaurant, another in a library, some backyard weddings, a couple in our botanical gardens, and will be doing one at a country club in a couple of months that I'm looking forward to. Our son will be getting married at a local winery in a barn they rent for special occasions and I'm excited to see that come together.

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I literally had never even heard of a groom's cake until Steal Magnolias! LOL

They've kind of changed here in PA due mostly to Pinterest but it's not abnormal to have a wedding in a fire hall catered by the catering company within the firehall. It's not abnormal to have paper napkins and a bowl of chips in the middle of long tables with metal chairs. Most of the weddings i've been to had a Dollar Dance and also included a Polka. The wedding will probably be in a church with a full mass and the reception is usually four hours...maybe five hours.

It's not uncommon to have a few hours time in between the ceremony and the reception. Oftentimes somebody close to the bride and groom will host a small luncheon at their house for guests. Doing shots and drinking heavily at the reception is expected and the bride and groom almost never stayed until the end of the party. They always left an hour before the reception was over.

Rehearsal dinner were almost always at the bride or groom's parent's house and it featured a keg of beer and sandwiches. Sometimes the host will splurge and order pizza for everyone. I've never heard of a groom's cake until recently. The only cake anyone ever talked about was the wedding cake.

I think with the overtaking of social media, people are more wary of having traditional weddings like the one I just described. Everyone is worried of not putting the guests first or offending someone. I tend to think that the more you change tradition, the more stressful it becomes.

Central Jersey here!! 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️

You are pretty much spot on with your assessment of how ‘extra’ we are here in Jersey, especially coming from an Italian family attending mostly Italian weddings growing up and into early adulthood.

I'm from Northeast FL, most weddings I have been to have had two VERY different feels.

Type 1- barn, or some super rustic location with no indoor heating/cooling. This is sometimes a families property or a lot of weddings happen at this one barn that is most popular in the area. Usually the family/family friend cooks the food, friendor DJ, (actually friendor for everything). Casual buffet style. Beer, wine, and moonshine are typical. Plastic plates/cups/cutlery. Grocery store cake or a friend bakes it. All night events with bonfires and such. Casual but like...these people party hard.

Type 2- very organized, some sort of prestigious venue like a library, ballroom, etc. the most very expensive vendors, elaborate menus, 200+ guests, huge rehearsal dinner, sunday brunch, etc.

I live in a very expensive historical town where costs can be outrageous but as you can see by option 1, you can travel just outside of town for very low cost and private event spaces.