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Jr
Dedicated November 2020

What do you do now?

Jr, on September 29, 2020 at 10:54 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 16
Sorry if i sound funny. Im pretty sure that my relationship is over less than 60 days from my wedding bc my inlaws.
Im kinda feeling like idk what to so. I want to hide from everyone even my friends. Whats my next step? Move out- ask him too? We have a $60k truck in my name.. im currently not working but i have enough money to get me on my feet. Do i move out? Do i need to talk to a lawyer about the truck? Wait til its all done to tell my party or what I was gonna ask my mom and maid of honor to help let people know. Then hide for as long as i can. Im super embarrassed and extremely sad. His parents and family womt stop taunting me ... non stop... so much more but i just needed some backup but i got nothing...so it is what it is.... how does this work?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on September 30, 2020 at 4:51 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
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    First off, I am so sorry you're going through this. I read your earlier post about FMIL, and she sounds terrible to deal with. I'm just a little confused though. Do you want the relationship to be over? Have the two of you talked about this?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm so sorry. Have you actually had a conversation with him about this because normally I would think it would be rather clear if the relationship is actually over with?
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  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
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    If he cant stand up to his astranger parents i dont know how i cant trust him other wise. Its been extremely difficult to decide this. Ive tried everything.
    Im not a pushy person, which is why this has gonna on for two years.
    But ive had enough.. they send me mean hatfuk text messages- i know this is what they want but he wont do anything so... idk what elss to do. Im heartbroken. But seems there is nothing i can do. They womt let him grow up... and obviously he hasnt grown up. He would rather break up than confront his parents who cussed me out to my face. I cant do another day like this. I just cant, im broken yall. I want to be in a holle and never get out. I was less than 60 days from a life changing event. I was getting a $10k surgery to make it where I could have kid. I mean, I think that is something thwy would understand. I planned on having a child with this person. So its more than an average breakup for me... its so terrible and sad.. so whwre do i start? Move our or tell others?

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  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
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    I'm sorry this is happening to you. I really think you have to tell him how much this has impacted you and how you feel. If he cannot understand how hurt you are, I'm sorry to say but he might not be the right person for you. You deserve to be heard and not be disrespected by his family. You don't deserve to be disrespected by anyone. Just continue to be the bigger person and don't give them the satisfaction of them knowing they've hurt you! How ever you get through it know you did your best to make it work out.
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  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
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    He acts as if he doesny fully grasp what i am saying. Although i try to make it very clear..
    So we decided who keeps the rental and then notify otherS? I camt wait to crawl in my cave and just cry. Im so hurt yall. My mom wanted to suggest one last thing.. counseling for his parents... they wont.. we already have been going:. They said no contact til they apologized but my fiancé couldn’t handle
    That. I think the counselor would have been right.. they would have stopped acting am ass
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  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
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    Thanks Ive tried my best.. he just ismr ready plain and simple
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    First of all, I am truly sorry to hear about what you are going through. Sending big hugs to you and hoping you can land back on your feet soon Smiley smile

    Regarding the next steps, no one can really guide you on what to do because the whole 'uncoupling' thing really depends on you and your ex-partner.

    The two of you need to sit down and decide living arrangements, call off the wedding and try recoup any expenses (if this is 110% confirmed that you will part ways), and then look to the other things such as your possessions. As to when you tell people, this is a personal decision but again I think you and your partner need to be fully clear with one another before you tell anyone else. If he doesn't fully realise that you've broken up, you don't want him to be finding out from other people.

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Have you and your fiancé talked about it? Did you guys agree to actually call it off or is it just your thoughts? Either way you two need to sit down and figure out what’s best for you
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  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    No one's really answering your question, and it seems things are beyond resolution. I would start packing, call your mom or best friend and tell them what's going. If you can't move in with one of them right away, hop on Craiglist and start looking for a rental apartment ASAP. As far as the car, it sounds like you're fine since it's in your name. If both of you contributed to the cost, you can worry about selling it or dealing with that later, if you paid for it - it's yours. This sucks and I'm so sorry but you need support IRL right now - call someone to come help you!

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm confused. I've read some of your posts and in a couple you've mentioned that you're already married and his mother couldn't handle it. You've also stated that he has stood up for you against them.

    Are you married and now splitting up? Or were you never married and planning to marry in November? If you really think your relationship is really over, then one of you should move out and it should be the one who can't afford the place. If you think your relationship is salvageable, then try to salvage it. You marry the person and inherit their family.

    From your previous posts it sounds like you've had a pretty tumultuous relationship, not just with his family but with him. You thought him to be an alcoholic and it sounds like your relationship with his family is unhealthy.

    If you're without a job and have a 60K loan for a truck, I'd suggest selling it immediately to remove that debt from your name otherwise you're likely to ruin your credit. If the relationship truly can't be saved then you should just notify all and cancel the wedding, but I would not do that until you're absolutely sure this isn't just another bad argument.

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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    What exactly happened?

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  • Jayne
    Dedicated June 2022
    Jayne ·
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    Did you do save the dates? If so I would use that list or your invitation list if you've already sent them, to send out a quick one-liner that just says you no longer have to save this date, there will not be a wedding. No other explanation is needed. You can print them yourself or zazzle can have them to you in just a day or two. That way nobody has to go out of their way to inform people in a way that opens them up for a lot of questions.

    We don't know enough about the truck to give you good advice yet, is he the primary user? If so, he has the choice of paying off the loan which would be buying it outright or you sell it/trade it in on something for yourself at a much lower cost and pay off the debt immediately. No matter which method you use, keep your focus on paying off any debt and getting the truck out of your life, both physically and legally.

    Rip the bandaid off and start packing.............. get out of your shared living arrangement immediately. Don't worry about him, his parents will pick him up, dust him off and point him in the direction they want him to go and we both know, that's exactly what he'll do.

    Best of luck, keep your support network close and it's okay to cry it out.

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  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
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    Well i say we are already married bc we have a truck together. Moving expensive wouldnt be a problem anymore. Our relationship has gotten 98 percent better after counseling but its his sick family. We have talked about splitting up but We are still trying to work things out. I feel like im in limbo
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  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
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    He has paid for more of the truck than i have. But im the primary and he is the co-signer. Its his primary truck but im paying $8k for his trade in bc he trashed it. So im not letting him take the truck and do the same, i have to take care of the truck. And if i wasnt around he wouldmt. He doesnt have money to buy it.
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    I think instead canceling wedding, you should postpone and get more counseling
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  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    Based on your previous posts your FH is likely an alcoholic and reckless with your money. Get out!

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