What do you wish you could say to your Bridesmaids??

OMG LOL I am going to love this post.

Well my (new) MOH is a God send. She is fabulous.

My FSIL is one of my BM's....and she has started giving me lots of issues. She's starting to become a real PITA (pain in the ass).....which sucks because I love her to pieces. But I really wish I could tell her this:

This is OUR wedding not yours. One day you'll understand when your planning your own wedding. Please just suck it up, do as your told and enough with the drama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What your brother and I say goes, no if and or butts. ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

ahhhhh. that felt better.

"I love you guys, and I'm so glad that you're going to be the ones standing up with me at my wedding. It wouldn't be the same without you there."

But then, I have awesome bridesmaids.

I'm not having any issues with my BMs, but I would love to shout at my mum, point out that this is her only daughter getting married and that she might like to show a bit of interest. I've tried pointing it out to her nicely, but got nowhere.

She was even standing directly outside a bridal shop with me in her home town and said "there it is, you go in, I have to go and buy some bread". Seriously?? What is wrong with her?? I know this day will never be as important to her as it is to me, but as mother of the bride, and her ONLY chance to be that, I thought she might at least pretend to care!

Just shut up & go with the flow! I didn't ask you for your advice, I'm telling you this is what we're going to do! Ur opinion really doesn't matter to me right now. I can't wait til y'all heiffers get married to see what it's like.

Just to name a few lol. My BMs are my sisters & they r kinda working my nerves towards the end. I just want them to do what I ask of them geez.

I love and KNOW my bridesmaids. That said, I know who I can go to with whatever my "needs" are whether it's just to vent or to see if they want to do something bridal related. I think that's why I've had a reasonably drama free time with them. I do have one that makes me just smh. She's very simple and just does things without thinking so I limit her "bridesmaid duties" which in the end, is best for both of us.

There's something in my (and many others) industry called KYC - Know Your Customer. In the bridal world, KYB!! Know your Bridesmaids!

PS - I must add there is something about weddings that just bring out the crazy in everyone though....

I was reasonably drama-free until the wedding weekend itself, but I did have one BM where I repeatedly had to say, "Stop spending my money!"

We planned a casual, small, low-budget, DIY-oriented wedding, and she kept saying, "Don't you want something NICER for your WEDDING?" and then making all these expensive suggestions. I finally had to sit her down and explain that I wanted a fun wedding, not necessarily a "nice" one, and that she needed to get with the program. The programs we assembled ourselves, that is.

I guess I am a little different...I don't really see how people have so many issues with their BMs. When picking mine I chose people I knew would not cause me stress or grieve or any problems...I told them what they needed to do and they did it. In all honesty, I'm just wondering why brides are having so many issues, are you picking the wrong people...or has it been unaccepted issues???

"Lets romp and stomp!" (thats our term for dancing to bluegrass music)

Im not asking anything of them other than showing up

no pre wedding planning/assembly sessions

no vegas flight to pay for

no bachelorette.

So no problems because Im not telling them what to do or when to do it or what hotel to pay for.

Mrs. T, I think expectations for bridesmaids have gone up dramatically in the last 10-15 years. Back in the day, you bought the dress and shoes, maybe helped plan a shower, and helped the bride get ready on the wedding day. If there was a bachelorette, it was local.

Now, with weddings in general becoming more complex, expectations are insane. A shower in someone's home with 15 guests isn't enough, it has to be at a restaurant and much larger. And, of course, the bridesmaids are expected to chip in. The bachelorette can't just be a pub crawl, it has to be a weekend "destination" getaway. Which, again, everyone has to pay for.

Then brides hop on Pinterest and decide on all these DIYs that bridesmaids are "expected" to help with, then they have to help plan (and plan one of today's complex $30K weddings, to boot), buy designer dresses, pay to have their hair styled a specific way, and so forth.

So, basically, I think the problem is that brides have unrealistic expectations, and bridesmaids are rebelling against that. Sure, there are girls who are argumentative or difficult or just plain cheap. But overall, I wish brides would ask themselves if their expectations are realistic before they complain about their bridesmaids.

I would (and will!) tell them how awesome they are - especially two of them, who are both pregnant and one's planning her own wedding this spring, yet every time I talk to them they ask what's new with the planning process and what they can do to help!

@Shannon s. I totally agree...

WW just published their BM etiquette

"Erin asks: 'What about bridesmaid duties? What should we expect from them? Should we only expect that they buy a dress and show up or should we expect that they be an active part of planning (as well as spend a ton of money on parties for us)?'

Truthfully, bridesmaids’ only real responsibilities are to buy a dress and assist the bride at the actual wedding. The maid of honor usually takes the lead with planning the bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, but it’s not mandatory. Your bridesmaids are generally supposed to be your support system during the planning phase of the wedding, but that can mean a variety of different things – helping you with DIY projects, dress shopping, being a shoulder to cry on, etc. These tasks should be things your bridesmaids want to help you with, and don’t feel forced.

And remember, bridesmaids may not always know what their role should be – especially if they’ve never been a ‘maid before. It might be nice to have a bridesmaids luncheon at the beginning of the planning process to make sure everyone is on the same page and comfortable - and be sure that any out-of-town 'maids are in the loop, too. If there are specific things you’d like your bridesmaids’ help with, be honest, ask politely, and don’t hold a grudge if they say no. "

My bridesmaids don't give me grief because I treat them like friends, not like unpaid migrant workers.

My MOH (my aunt), on the other hand, is the source of a lot of frustration. I posted about it before, but she didn't get a dress on time. She decided to buy fabric and a pattern and make it herself (she has little to no experience).

She also insists on hosting a shower (which I gratefully accepted), but now I think that the whole thing is stressing her out. Per her request, my mom and I gave her a guest list for the shower; but she insisted on seeing the entire wedding guest list for our side of the family. Once she saw it, she started complaining about how some distant Italian relatives weren't on it. My dad (her brother) is so angry with her because he asked her for those addresses when we started the guest list almost a year ago.

To my married BMs: "You were all caught up in your new married life, babies and pregnancy to really care about my wedding. I went to all your bachelorette parties. Planned and paid for 2 of your bachelorette parties, went to every dress fitting, spent my weekends DIYing projects with you. Drove 7 hours each way to spend a week with you planning and I got so little in return. If you had put in a tenth of the effort that I put your wedding, I would have been happy."

Other BM: "Why didn't you tell me you had all those issues. I could have been there for you. Instead you just flaked out on everything and pushed me away."

MOH: "You are awesome as always. Just wish you didn't live 9 hours away. I would have loved to share some of the moments with you.

BUT, I'm glad I kept my mouth shut because they were all more than awesome at my wedding. They came through when I needed them the most.

Wow, this felt good!

My BMs haven't given me any issues however I wish I could talk to them more and bounce my wedding ideas off of them.

We all live in different states; NC-Me, SC, MD, and TX. The one that lives in SC has 3 year old tripplets, the one that live in TX is deployed, and the one that lives in MD is going through a divorce so I feel weird talking to her about my wedding.

Overall to all of them "I wish we could talk more!"

They've all been really good actually. I think if I'm calm/organized, then so are they. I keep up with them by text/email just sending out reminders every now and then about when they need to get their dresses ordered, to look for the right shoes, etc. I just try to keep them on the same page with me as much as I can remember. Most of them have been in weddings recently, so they were broken in, lol.

All I want to say is get your dresses already! It's been so difficult to get this accomplished.

I would like for them to help me more with decision making and helping with things for the wedding but I don't expect much and am a control freak anyway.

To three of my bridesmaids, I want to say thank you for being so awesome!

The fourth, now that's a different story. She hasn't ordered her dress yet because she's been working out with a trainer and has been losing a lot of weight. I'm extremely happy for her--it's not like she just PLANS on losing weight but probably won't... she legitimately is. However, she's between two sizes and insists she couldn't possibly predict what size she will be seven months from now. To me, it's simple. Order the bigger size and have it altered, or order the smaller one and risk having to squeeze a bit. She doesn't understand that while this is the biggest thing she has to think about with regard to my wedding, I have to worry about EVERYTHING, and how she looks in her dress is quite literally the least of my concerns.

Yes, it's a little early to get dresses. But you know what, that's how I want to do it. I want to take care of as much as I can as early as I can, so that I don't have to stress out trying to do everything at once later. I've been in four weddings, and I've never pushed back against the bride. When the bride says "let's go dress shopping," my only job is to show up, credit card in hand, and act happy with whatever she chooses for her wedding!

I don't want to keep worrying that the dress will be out of stock by the time she's finally ready to order it. I don't want to be worried that I will have to choose between having her wear a different dress than the other three or having her not stand up at all, and then having an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. I wish she would just do the ONLY thing I've requested of my bridesmaids, and order her dress.

It's especially difficult because she happens to be in another wedding this year, and she is jumping through all sorts of hoops for that bride. She just spent a thousand dollars going to the other bride's bachelorette party in Vegas, and yet buying a $150 dress for my wedding and having it altered--which is part of the deal you agree to when you say yes to being a bridesmaid!--is too much to ask??

Oh, and I do agree with Shannon that a lot of brides ask too much. Which is why I'm offended that this particular bridesmaid won't do literally the only thing I ask (besides showing up). And yet she will do every unreasonable little thing this other bride insists on, including going to Vegas AND buying tickets to a show that she didn't even want to go to there.