What elements are common to ww that aren't part of your social circle

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Totally understand that for things like what food you want to serve and what decorations there are or if you invite plus ones for single people or what kind of ceremony/reception you have. Pick whatever dress or flowers you want, etc.

Being a good host though is considering how things affect your guests. Those are things like making sure everyone has a place to sit, guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at your wedding, guests shouldn't have to drive a super long way between your ceremony and reception, etc. So in that way, it does become about your guests when you're inviting people to celebrate you.

View Quoted Comment So this! I tried to be a good host and I believe most weddings I’ve attended have done the same. But sometimes I feel some WW posters insist that if you don’t have a Saturday evening ceremony/reception that last the exact right amount of time and you have ample food choices for every single dietary concern imaginable, you’re a horrible host and should just elope!


And I’m from NY and living in CT—no one gives anything but cash at weddings! And cash, no checks to inconvenience the bride and groom before they leave for their honeymoon.

I'm from the Northeast (CT) and moved to the South for college and a bit after, so I have experienced two different wedding cultures.

Banquet halls are/were common in CT, not so much in the South. Barn/farm weddings seem to be common in the South. My impression is if you want expansive, lush grounds and aren't comfortable with a plantation, then a barn/farm is what you get.

I grew up with wedding gifts being 2 stages: physical gift at the shower, money in a card at the actual wedding.

We had a work happy hour for me the other day, and two people asked me separately how many BMs I had. Both about fell over when I said 7. I guess that's large for this area! My SIL had 10 people per side, which seems common in the South. I am 1/7 for my friend's wedding this fall.

Might be too young for this, but I have never been to a vow renewal/"wedding" of someone who got legally married years ago for military, insurance etc. and now has the money/desire for a reception.

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I agree, but if I showed up to a wedding I was invited to and a seat wasn't set aside for me, we would all agree that's a poorly planned wedding.

I don't care to drive to a separate venue for the reception (near or far), but if the bride and groom have two venues, I'm driving to two venues. Unless I'm just appalled by this and then I won't attend - but to me, I think that would be silly.

Same with a cash bar - I don't care for them at all. But if I show up to a wedding and there's a cash bar, I'm either paying for my drinks or I'm not drinking. Being upset by it won't pay for my drinks. It would be inconvenient, but I would still gladly pay for my drinks and just make a mental note to not do this at my own wedding because I didn't care for it. I'd assume the bride and groom weren't able to provide the alcohol and wanted to still give this option rather than have no alcohol.

I totally agree that by hosting an event, you should absolutely make sure your guests are enjoying themselves. My budget, wishes, traditions, restrictions etc., may not align with yours and vise versa. Which is my only point in saying that we should stop being so offended and opinionated at the way people plan a wedding and just show up as a guests or don't. That's all! I hope that didn't come off rude!

Hi Michelle!!
For me: engagement pictures,Jack and Jill, joint bachelor/bachelorette, inviting a significant others when they are in a casual relationship, the idea of blessing the meal before dining (especially for those who had a religious wedding), the idea of visiting tables as a way to greet the guests, the cake-and-punch reception ,the send-offs/grand exit, and the honeyfund thing.

View Quoted Comment That makes a LOT of sense.


It's also just not an aesthetic that you can blend with banquet halls, which are the most common venue here!

I was surprised to see several WW people say their social circle never gives cash and will only buy gifts, and that not having a registry is considered incredibly rude.
I do buy from registries at times - usually colleagues that I would feel silly giving cash to - but tend to assume cash is a great gift too.

My social circle includes both the UK and USA, so I was already familiar with lots of differences between the two, but the things that have surprised me on WW have been:

- Dress codes being considered really rude . In the UK, pretty much any event that warrants a formal invitation will have a stated dress code. Expecting people to guess the dress code on the basis of invitation style, venue etc would be considered inconsiderate (at best).

- Requirements to ‘qualify’ as a black tie wedding. I’d expect an event with a black tie dress code to be relatively nice, but the list of ‘qualifying criteria’ I’ve seen on here is beyond what I’d expect at a white tie event.

- The hard line against inviting people to only part of the day and against cash bars. In the UK it is incredibly common and completely acceptable to only invite guests to the evening portion of reception (which is usually dancing with an informal buffet). Unless comparable guests are treated differently (e.g. a friend being invited to just the evening when friends of equal closeness are invited to the full event) then someone being offended would come across as rude and entitled. As a guest, the focus is on enjoying what you are included in. And a cash bar in the evening is also very common. A full open bar throughout the reception would be unusual - typically one or two types of drinks are served during the drinks reception and then wine with the meal and champagne/sparkling wine for the toasts.

-What’s considered a ‘small’ wedding. According to a major annual survey, in 2019, the average number of guests at a UK wedding was 82, plus a further 21 for the evening reception. Unless one of the couple comes from a cultural background that favors large weddings, I’d be really surprised to go to a wedding with the kind of big numbers I see on here.

- The need for DOCs. Unless a venue is very ‘ bare bones’ (e.g. a community hall) venue staff will typically do set up and break down, and coordinate with vendors like florists.

- Aversion to gift registries, giving cash as gifts, and the idea of ‘paying for your plate’. Registries (known as ‘gift lists’) are pretty much universally acceptable, cash is viewed as impersonal, and gift cost is driven by closeness to the couple/ what you, can afford. Calculating gift size by what you think your plate costs, strikes me as rather transactional.

I could probably go on, but won’t 😀

View Quoted Comment A friend married a Scottish man and had their wedding in Scotland and she was so confused when the planner asked about the “wedding breakfast.” She was like “well, I guess we could have some bagels while getting ready?” but then learned it was kind of like the reception after the ceremony? She wasn’t too sure LOL They ended with a typical American wedding - ceremony them a dinner with dancing.
I LOVED that the women guests wore adorable hats!

Things i never heard of before WW: cake and punch weddings, groom cakes, jack and jill parties, etc to name a few

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Oh I’m sure the ‘wedding breakfast’ was super confusing! And hats are very much the thing - ‘should I be buying a hat?’ is a way of jokingly asking ‘are you two thinking about getting married?’

View Quoted Comment That is so cool!
So...what IS wedding breakfast?

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It’s the meal you have at the reception. I believe the term comes from the days when a wedding took place as part of a Eucharist service / mass, and people fasted before taking communion, so the meal after the wedding was when they broke their fast. It also kind of fits with the idea of it being the first meal when you’re married, like breakfast is the first meal of the day. But it’s highly unlikely to take place at breakfast time, or involve breakfast food!

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Interesting observation from US vs overseas. The local culture plays a big role. I'm curious what other thoughts you have since you mentioned you have more.

Things i haven't heard before

jack and jill parties - I have only heard of "co-ed" bridal parties and they are free to attend but normally people bring gifts off of a registry.

Where I am from it's more normal to give a mix of gifts/money/checks/gift cards... I have always bought people gift cards to where they are registered at, and stuck them in the wedding card, then brought it to the wedding. most gifts get bought for the bridal shower. a few show up on the wedding day of the weddings i have been to..most bring cards...

that weddings are boring unless dancing and alcohol are there. I have been to PLENTY to dry weddings and they are awesome! I have never danced at a wedding, i have always been single (never dating anyone) (except the last wedding i was at) and it's always more fun to video tape my friends dancing or sit and talk to others at my table who don't like dancing either.

the idea of having to invite anyone dating someone else no matter how long. i actually got a plus one to a destination wedding (while i was single) and no one wanted to go with me so i declined that wedding. it made me feel so horrible about myself. and i don't believe in letting teens in highscool bring dates to weddings. or if your in college and constantly changing up who your dating either. or if they are single when they GET the invite but then find someone to date after the fact just so they don't come alone. it's stupid. no u can't add on after u were already invited.

I had never heard of a Jack and Jill party before, so that's definitely a new one!

I had heard of a brunch the day after the wedding, but that's certainly not common around here and I've never been to one.

The honeymoon fund aversion on here is a new one to me as well - nobody in my circle would bat an eye at that, though most would be more likely to bring cash or a check to the wedding than to deposit it directly into the honeymoon fund.

Cash bars being considered rude. We live in a HCOL area where most jobs pay crap because it's also a college town. People generally understand that weddings are expensive and sometimes the bride and groom just can't afford to host a bar but are trying to be gracious and have that option at least available for those who'd like it. Most people in our social circles don't have financial assistance for the wedding, so I guess it's generally considered less rude to have a cash bar than to not have any alcohol available at all.

Parents being allowed to invite their own guests. This one honestly baffles me a bit. I've never been to a wedding where some guests were guests of the parents and not directly guests of the bride and groom. I really don't understand the point of it. (Not judging if that's how your wedding is - just honestly befuddled.)

Grand exit. I've seen it done in TV/movies, but not in my social circles.

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100%! I understand the inference that it creates an expectation of gifts but honestly I think going to a wedding empty handed is so tacky, but in my culture it is ingrained in us that you bring a gift (or you don’t go).

Maybe we just get less offended generally about these trivial things, or at least in my experience in visiting the States in 2019 that’s the vibe I get.

You nailed it! In general, Americans are SO quick to offend (and be extremely vocal about it). The ironic part is that you will usually find the ones who are offended by this, are also the rudest people. There is a serious lack of self awareness, and a serious over abundance of thin skin. I have friends who moved to Europe, and every time I visit I don’t want to leave!

I had never heard of a cash bar being tacky before coming onto wedding wire. Every wedding my family and I have gone to has been a cash bar. It's seen as that as long as you provide pop/lemonade/anything other than water that you were fine to have people cover their own alcoholic drinks.

Also, the idea that a money dance is tacky. It is a tradition on both sides of my family. I mentioned to my mom that I was having mixed feelings due to reading on these forums and she said our family would be more offended if I DIDN'T follow the tradtion. She said it was up to us but, not to let others that aren't in our circle make us feel bad about it.

I also have never seen a groom's cake at a wedding. I've only heard of them on here and while watching four weddings.

Inviting couples that are just casual. Six months is usually the minimum for my circle/family.

And I think the last big one is weekend bachelorette/bachelor weekends. Mine will technically be a "weekend" but, that's because my shower will be that Saturday afternoon at my mom's house and then the bachelorette will be a sleepover that night. Also, the parties being destinations. I don't see the point of that but to each their own.

Before WW, I had never heard of guests having to open up their wallets at a wedding for any reason, whether it be for a cash bar, money dance, or something else. I can't imagine any way to offend guests more than this, and I would be utterly mortified if guests had to purchase their drinks at my wedding! In my social circle, we only open up our wallets to purchase gifts for the bride and groom or write a check as their wedding present. In my family, a bride and groom who had a cash bar at their wedding would probably be gossiped about for the next 20 years and looked upon with disdain. The concept of guests having to open up their wallets at a wedding is completely foreign to me.