What if he doesn't want to set a date?

It's different for every male, but if he wont set a date it may mean he's trying to keep you around and happy without the real commitment? Or he could just be scared or worried about the financial aspects. Ask him flat out (in a nice, non aggressive way lol) to set a date and why he wont if he refuses.

Did you ask him what his ideal date would be? This should give you an idea as to what he is focused on. If he is avoiding answering the question, changing the conversation, or just outright refusing to give you an answer, than it is pretty clear that you both may need to have a much deeper conversation as to where he would like to see the relationship go from this engagement. Naturally, as women, we have full intentions on getting down the aisle with the mates that we are engaged to. Yet, I have to admit that Courtney has a point. His intentions may be different.

On the other hand if he does appear fully focused on getting down that aisle with you, then you should give him time to be able to adjust to the engagement. This could have been a very great step for him and he may just want to grasp that reality before he goes diving into wedding planning.

@courtney, yes, I think financial plays a part. I have a great job and make good money, but my parents are willing to pay for the wedding. He hates that they are going to pay for it.

@joanne, I completely agree with you, he needs time to adjust but I am totally an A personality and I want to plan everything now and relax.

thanks ladies, I need all the support!!

Here is a secret...I am totally the same exact way! Fortunately, I think this is one of the reasons why my FH loves me so much! (He does no planning whatsoever) He probably goes along to appease me as well...what can ya do?

I agree with Joanne S. I got engaged on Valentine's Day this year. I was asking about dates and he would say "I'm enjoying the engagement".. I said WTF, you been enjoying the engagement for 5 years.... Finally we had a heart to heart and he told me any day in 2013 would be fine. Just talk to him. After 12 years, I mean geesh, he should be running down the aisle.

Like the others said, thuugh you 2 have already spent so much time together~ he might be scared that you're going to change or that the relationship will change b/c of the wedding... and truthfully. If you guys are already committed, then it won't really change. Try to be supportive but see what his true feelings are b/c you both are in this relationship and you both matter. he should be as supportive of you as you are to him, just try to keep that in mind and see where it takes you. Good luck, and hopefully it's just stupid guy, cold-feet b.s. and he'll get over it when he remembers how amazing you are

What the others have said is very good insight but I also would like to add that along with the reasons they have mentioned, it could be that hedoesn't understand the significance of locking some things in pretty early in the process. My FH and I got enaged the day before valentines day this year but he also was dragging his feet on setting a date (mainly b/c we had to put the ring in layaway and he said he wanted it on my finger before we officially set a date). Anyway, he was udner the impression that you get engaged, then you choose all your vendors a few months before the wedding and voila your done. He had no idea how quickly things book up and how far in advance. Help him to see that and maybe it will nudge him along.

Honestly I think guys don't understand the need to set a date (or at least don't understand it the same way we do).

FH was freaking out about setting a date, but then when I explained to him that Fall/Summer books fast, and that you usually need to contact venues/vendors a year in advance because they book up (and once he went to our venue and heard the coordinator say the same thing) he became ready to set a date.

I think for men setting the date is making it "real for them"- like they are actually giong to be going through it.

So I would explain to him why you want to set a date (because you want to be looking forward to the day to finally call him your husband), and that you understand if he's nervous about it, but you just want to get the date set.

Ladies thank you so much for all your comments!

Tonight I am going to have a talk with him and explain why we need to set the date and I'll see what he says.

When FH proposed to me I was surprised because he had been married before and had a bad experience. As a matter of fact, when he proposed he half jokingly said "I believe in long engagements" and I said ok, how about a year from now? He seemed to relax after that. So maybe your FH needs time to get used to the idea that he is getting married. Reassure him, that it doesn't have to be six months from now and see if that helps.

Well, ladies you were right! We had a heart to heart conversation and I was able to calmly (as calmly as a could be) get the true reason for the delay. And it was issues that involved his family and nothing to do with me.

So we have a couple appointments for next week to look at places, and hopefully he will realize how fast venues book up.

Thank you for your support, I am sure you will hear from again. And fingers crossed my wedding date is 3/10/13, I think it looks soooo pretty!

I'm glad you guys figured it out. I've been with FH for 12 years too, 13 at the time of the wedding. He proposed in August 2009 and we just set a date this past December. We wanted to finish degrees first and we weren't really in a rush. Honestly, it's been kind of nice having a (very) long engagement. Enjoy the time, and I hope that date works!

Take one day at a time. This can all get overwhelming and men really dont get it. I had the same issues but we finally got on the same page. Good Luck, ill keep my fingers crossed =)

Funnily enough.. I was the one dragging my feet on setting a date... I would have waited longer... but maybe that'sabout the fact that I am marrying a woman, no matter how butch she is. *grin*

I have that same problem with my FH. we been engaged for a year and no date. Although he did agree to this summer. For us its a money issue. we both have new jobs. I pray one day this year we can agree on a day. he is 15 years older than me..which i feel shouldnt make a difference, but with some things it does. I love him so much, i ready to spend my life with him.. how can i help him set a date without nagging him