What is your definition of family?

Thats a super complex question. Especially between myself and my fiance. I grew up in a small family where family was blood. Growing up I had 9 living relatives. My fiance comes form an incredibly blended family. He has 3 half siblings and 6 step siblings. If you asked me before being with him I would say step siblings aren't family. (Which I might get heat for). However, they are his family because they are so important to him and I can see that. It's just hard for me. Because my dad growing up really pounded the idea of blood is the only family you have into mine and my brothers head. My fiance has really broaden my understanding of that. However I still struggle with it. But with this wedding stuff on all of the step sides and what not, I'm being told you have to invite all of these extended family members. Idk if that was the answer you wanted.

View Quoted Comment No that is perfect. The question is how do YOU define it? Not someone else’s opinion on the subject. How you interpret family is obviously different from your parents’ beliefs and your fiancé’s and that of a stranger pressuring you into inviting people you have no relationship with.

To me family is chosen, whether they are related to me genetically or not. I grew up in a very blended family with lots of estranged circles. I consider my family those who are close to me and in my daily life, like my immediate family and step family members. Many of my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents I don't really have a relationship with are biologically my family but I don't really consider them to be part of my life. So, I'm not inviting any of them to my wedding!

For me, my immediate family is just my parents, brother, sister, sister's fiancé, grandparents, and aunts and uncles (by blood and marriage). My extended family includes my first and second cousins, great aunts and great uncles, and my dad's cousins. Pretty much all family members who marry in are automatcally treated as family and extended family are treated all the same no matter if you know them or not. For example, my dad's cousins invited me to stay with their family for a week when I was traveling before we had even met eachother because 'that is just what you do for family'. I would do the same for any of them as well.


For my FH it is a little more complicated but he mostly sees it based on his emotional connection to each individual family member. His family is his parents, sister (and her husband and kids), half-sister (and her husband and daughter), adopted sister, his pseudo brother/uncle (close family friend), his Uncle Lou (Dad's best friend from college), one aunt from his dad's side (but NOT her husband), one cousin from his mom's side, paternal grandfather, biological paternal grandmother (who did not raise his father), and both maternal grandparents. The people he does not see as immediate family, but is still related to, are his very sexist uncles (and most of their kids since he never sees them) , crazy religious/bigoted aunt, and his adopted paternal grandmother (who raised his father but also tried to pay his parents to not give him a Hispanic name).

To keep numbers down and avoid drama, we are only inviting my aunts and uncles, his pseudo brother/uncle, his Uncle Lou, our parents, siblings, and his nieces and nephews. It would be even less people but my mom is paying for the wedding and her only stipulation was that my aunts and uncles be invited.

I consider family to be blood relatives and their spouses, but I do have a couple people who I treat and consider as family who aren't blood. These are less friends that I found and more very close family friends who literally attend every family holiday and trip with my family rather than theirs. So I guess the family definition can be flexible. I don't consider my own friends family, even though I love them dearly

I had a teacher definte family once as "the people who love you and who you love back" and that's always stuck with me!

Family is people who give a fork about you.

So, no, that doesn't have to include blood.

Blood CAN be family... but they are often just people you share DNA with.

In my circle, we call ourselves "framily" - friends who are family. Because we help with children, and illness, and creative work, and so on.

When specifically about wedding invitations for my first and this wedding, it doesn’t matter if they’re “blood” (well, I was adopted lol but I have a relationship with my birth mother and half siblings) or your family. If you don’t have a relationship with them, they aren’t invited. I don’t do invitations because our grandparents were the same. I think that’s ridiculous and a waste of money. Some of my cousins were awful to me and there’s no way I’d invite them to share in my special day. My ex’s mom was incredibly abusive and manipulative and for awhile was not even invited to our wedding. For my wedding with my fiancé now, we’ve have a few conversations where I’ve explained that I’ll support whoever he wants to put in the guest list, but that he doesn’t have to just because he’s related to them (there’s also some abuse in distance family). So family to me, is parents, cousins, siblings, grandparents and their spouses. I also consider my fiancé’s immediate family my family. But family doesn’t have to be invited just because their family.

I don't even know how to explain it cause in my head "family is family" but not in the "blood is thicker than water" sense, we don't define family by immediate and distant family we define it based on who is there for us at the drop of a hat.

My parents have family friends that I call Uncle and Aunt (same with FH's family)

My cousins and I were all born in "age brackets" (the oldest is 32 the youngest is 22 and we're all grouped in 3's despite the oldest and youngest are on their own) and were raised as siblings not cousins, and I can scream Mom in a room and know either my mom or one of my aunts will answer me no questions asked.

My mom's got a brother who's 16 years older than her, and his kids are not in our age brackets due to the age difference between him and his siblings. His children are not invited to my wedding nor is his wife. I'm inviting him out of obligations to my mom (she asked me to so I will) but his wife and daughter are not welcome due to past family issues I'm not over and have no plans on getting over and my mom feels the same about this topic.

I have a very tight knit group of friends (my one best friend since 2006 and my FH's best friends) I consider them my family.

Ooh, this is an interesting one! I guess I have a few different definitions of family, and I differentiate them by prefixes, if you will. So here's the breakdown:

Immediate Family - This is my immediate blood relatives (mom, dad, sister) and now also includes my husband.

Extended Family - This would be the rest of my blood relatives outside of my immediate family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). For me this doesn't include my husband's family because they are....

In-laws - Those whom I'm now related to through marriage. This is currently just my husbands blood relatives, but will also include my sister's husband's blood relatives when she gets married.

Chosen Family - These are the friends to whom I'm not related by blood, but who have wiggled into my life in such a way that to lose them would be to lose a part of myself.

Close Family - Immediate/Extended/In-laws/Chosen family that I actively maintain a close relationship with. For me this includes all of my Chosen and Immediate family, but does not include some Extended or In-laws.

Family - For me, this includes everyone in all of the previously listed categories.

"Forced" Family - Those I am "forced" to be related to either by blood or marriage. These are people whom I would prefer not to be family even though I'm, by definition, related to them. I would love these people from a distance and interact with them only in social family gathering situations, which is as far as a relationship with them would go. I am fortunate enough to not have anyone in this category at this time.

Un-family - These would be relatives (by blood or marriage) with whom I desire no type of relationship whatsoever, likely because of horrible actions or inexcusable behavior they refuse to work on. I would cut these people out of my life as much as possible, being aware that they may be present at other social family functions. If they are, I would not interact with them at all while there. Again, I am fortunate enough to not have anyone in this category at this time.

I hope this makes sense! I know I'm not the best at explaining my thoughts in writing, so if there are questions I'm happy to answer them to the best of my abilities.

My family is my husband, my parents, my siblings, my future brother in law, my aunts and uncles and my cousins who I grew up with. My parents have a lot of siblings that live in Europe but I would say that’s distant family. I don’t call them or anything. We are just FB friends. I don’t consider my husband’s side family. It’s his side that I just deal with lol

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I couldn't agree more with Rebecca.

I've NEVER,EVER,EVER BELIEVED "BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER". My friends are friends from ... kintergarden and I' m closer to them than I am to' my entire family,including my parents, my future wife and my twin sister are the only family members I put above friends.