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Lynne
Super August 2022

What to do about a Bm?

Lynne, on January 25, 2022 at 10:53 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 18
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A friend of mine who is supposed to be a BM is really mad at me because I am using a light shade of a color she had in her wedding, because I fell in love with a dress with lace on it (her dress did have a tiny bit), I mentioned a type of food as a slight possibility that she had at her wedding, and the venue we selected was where she was originally wanting her wedding (but didn't because she moved).


I NEVER went to her wedding because we were not talking at that moment. She had dark purple, I chose lilac (light purple). My mom mentioned finger foods (we are having it catered). I didn't remember the name of the venue she originally wanted but, my FH really likes it and the price is in our budget.
What do I do? She said if I chose that venue she won't be there.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Kristen, on January 26, 2022 at 2:59 PM
  • Kristen
    Expert February 2023
    Kristen ·
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    IMO, she isn’t really a true friend of something like that is going to come between you. To me, you have similar taste. It’s your time to be celebrated. You should be surrounded by love and support, not a child throwing a tantrum.
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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    Is it wrong to remove her from the bridal party? My wedding is in 6 months
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Honestly she is being dramatic. She doesn’t own any of those things. If those are what you have your heart set on, that is your business. If she wants to die on that hill, I wonder what else she is holding against you that is irrelevant to anything. A person who acts immature like that is not a real friend.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    If you understand that it’s a friendship ending move, then you are within your rights to ask anyone to step down who is not supportive of you. No o e should be asked before 6 months before the wedding anyway.
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  • Kristen
    Expert February 2023
    Kristen ·
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    That’s for you to answer, my love. What is right for you? Are you more happy that she is your bridesmaid? Or is it more stressful to have her as a bridesmaid? Have you tried having a conversation with her about it?
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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    Thank you. The venue is in our budget
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  • L
    Super August 2023
    Lunajay ·
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    Sound like she mad because you have the original venue she wanted and now she is comparing her wedding to yours. Honestly if she it giving you the ultimatum of changing your wedding she isn't a real friend and you shouldn't have her in your bridal party. I'd kick her to the curb now. I know you asked is it right to remove her but I'd be asking is it right she making you change your day.

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  • PermaGrin
    Devoted June 2022
    PermaGrin ·
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    I'm sorry - she sounds very unreasonable - she doesn't own all shades of purple !

    If she is threatening not to go to wedding if you choose a different venue - I would weigh how much good the friendship brings you and what you want from that relationship going forward. I would probably want her to step down - but that would end the relationship most likely - would you be ok with?

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Kicking out a BM is going to end the relationship. If other friends of hers are in your wedding party, there may be blowback from them too.

    Sounds like you've had a fairly dramatic relationship with not speaking to each other, but I would always advise taking the high road. She was important to you when you asked her.

    Having said that, you don't owe her any apologies for choosing to have your wedding the way you want it.

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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    We literally just got off the phone talking everything out. I explained my side and she said she understands and that she got a bit jealous. She said she isn't mad at me and she will support mine and my FH decisions.
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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    It was a form or jealousy, she admitted it. I did tell her that one more problem like tonight then she was definitely out and she understood.
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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    She admitted to being a bit jealous of how my wedding is turning out to be. I told her that if there is one more problem like tonight then she is out
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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    Bridal party are literally my family (my daughter and two cousins, a lifelong friend we consider family) and my other friend. She admitted to being a bit jealous. I told her if there was another problem like tonight she won't be in the wedding.
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  • L
    Super August 2023
    Lunajay ·
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    Well I'm glad y'all found a understanding and still kept y'all friendship.

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  • PermaGrin
    Devoted June 2022
    PermaGrin ·
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    I’m happy it sounds like she’s on board with having a more supportive attitude- I’m sure she appreciates the second chance
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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    She was texting everything until I told her that we needed to talk in person or on the phones and be civil.
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  • Lynne
    Super August 2022
    Lynne ·
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    She does, she knows where I was coming from.
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  • Kristen
    Expert February 2023
    Kristen ·
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    Glad to hear it worked out ☺️
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