What to do when you realize you're miserable

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear of your despair. I could say your wedding day will be the happiest day (and it will), but I do get it. You sound exhausted and depressed. Have you seen your doctor for help?

First of all, I think it's important to separate your self-regard from your weight. Saying "I hate myself for what I've become" is a lot more dangerous than a few extra pounds will ever be. You've got a little more padding than you'd like - you're not a neo-nazi or a serial killer. Please recognize that you have worth and value and are deserving of both love and self-love at any size.

Next, try writing out your goals. Where are you now, where would you like to be, what are the steps to get you there? Dealing with your insomnia may be key to getting everything else started, so start looking at seeing your doctor about that. Talk to your FH - his support will be invaluable.

Good luck and PLEASE don't be too hard on yourself.

Sorry you're feeling this way, I think you've got some time to make minor changes and start to feel better but life has definitely made things difficult for you! I say to heck with it, hit the gym twice a day the next 30 days and see if you're feeling like you're in a better place mentally and physically. It's also never too late to meal prep and diet girl! You got this! Just don't expect to loose 10 inches that fast

I agree with pp that self worth is more than your weight and it's important to remember that you are beautiful regardless of your weight. I understand the feeling of being frustrated with it, but I think that regardless of how close to your wedding it is, you can still make some progress, even if that progress is just that you are getting back into a routine and making healthy changes. I think its important to make small steps that lead to bigger things and not overwhelm yourself day 1 with trying to get right back to meal prepping and 2x day gym sessions--you likely didn't get to that place before overnight and it likely wont happen now.

has the insomnia always been there, or would exercise/starting to change your eating habits help that as well?

Don't hate your self, you need to make a Life style change, don't do diets. Do something you can live with and continue

I'm sorry you feel this way. You need to take a step back from the the situation. Hate is such a strong statement against yourself. While you may not be how you used to be your weight doesn't define you. I really think you need some rest.

Sleep deprivation is taking its toll on you. With some time for yourself to catch up on sleep you will be able to reevaluate your weight woes.

Yes, agreed with PP. Remember that you are beautiful! Try to tell yourself three reasons you like yourself. If you need help with that, I am sure your FH would be willing to tell you a few awesome things about you!

Hey, I just wanted to say, I used to deal with extreme self-loathing for my weight gain, and I continuously brought myself down, saying things such as "ew, look at yourself" or "why do you look like this," but I gradually realized that I was my own self- enemy. I kept lowering my self-worth, and I gotta tell ya, I was constantly cranky. BUT, you have to realize that you seriously only live once and that your self-worth and love for yourself comes with the way you speak to yourself! Don't focus on your weight, because IT seriously does not define your self-worth at all! Your mental health and being happy is much more crucial than weight. Keep reminding yourself that you are strong! Say things to yourself like "I am radiant" and really compliment yourself! First, is self-loving and acceptance!

I understand sooo sooo much and can empathize with you girl! I just want to remind you that you are strong, and that you are a fighter for grinding at work! Also, insomnia is a demon on its own, i completely feel for you girl. Get well and stay strong girl! Keep fighting!

Jacks I have been seeing a Doctor for years for my depression and various other illnesses but recently moved and changed Doctors and it has been a nightmare.

I went from having a Doctor who went out of their way to help me to one that if I say my back hurts she says she'll send me to a Ortho, she won't write my antidepressants she sends me to a psychiatrist that's within their facility who blows off what I say. Basically she treats nothing and refers me out. I've been meaning to find a new Doctor but with wedding planning, moving, and working extra I haven't had time.

I recently quit a part time job because my fiancé made me because of house miserable it made me. Stress from that has been relieved greatly but last night just kind of popped up out of nowhere. Everyone is right that I have to realize that just because I'm larger than I've ever been doesn't mean I'm worthless although it feels like it sometimes. My fiancé is wonderful and loves me despite my size. He tells me I'm beautiful often but it's hard to believe him when I don't feel that way myself.

Kelly you're also right that being sleep deprived and sitting up at 0400 hours staring at the wall doesn't make for the most stable mindset.

Starting today I'm going to make changes as y'all have suggested. I know how to eat clean and train I just have to stick to it.

Thank you all for the encouragement I needed it!

Paleo has always worked WELL for me. Not everyone loves or agrees with Paleo but I personally love it, it is hard and does take a lot of discipline but it is worth it.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Umm. You must be beautiful inside and out since someone wants to spend the rest of their life with you. Hope you see that.

Start today. Make those changes you want now and don't go back. Keep it up, get others involved and you will start feeling better in no time.