What to do with moh

My idea of a MOH and bridal parties in general are those that I have the closest friendship to and can't imagine not being there on my wedding day. They are not my planners, my party hosts, they are my friends and I wanted to honor them for being there for me in my life. They all lived across different states and cities, and have their own busy lives. But they were able to make to the wedding and still continue to be my friends throughout the process and today. Based on my opinion (others think of bridal parties differently, and that's fine), asking her to step down says that you were my best friend, and now youre not. And for a lot of brides (not all), the friendship is never the same when you ask someone to step down.

Your partner is supposed to be your co-planner. Would you ask him/her to step down? If neither of you want to plan the wedding, you should hire a planner. Your friend is your friend first, not a free planner. If you ask her to step down for expectations she did not know of, you will end your friendship.

What are your expectations of your MOH and the rest of your bridesmaids? Don’t sabotage a friendship just because she hasn’t been able to help with your wedding planning. You will want to maintain friendships after you get married. I didn’t expect my MOH to do any wedding planning because that was my own and husband’s responsibility. My MOH has her own priorities which we respected. I just wanted her to be by my side on our wedding day. It sounds like your best friend wants to support you on your wedding day.

View Quoted Comment She’s mentioned about planning the bachelorette for me with the other girls but has yet to do so. We’re limited on time considering 4 out of 6 are in college including herself. I’m trying to accommodate my bridal party needs by picking out a day where everyone can get together for the bachelorette, but my MOH who offered to plan it hasn’t said anything about it even when I’ve initiated the conversation about it. I really don’t expect her to plan everything out, I don’t expect anybody to plan my wedding out.

If you asked her to be your MOH and she agreed, she'll be there for you on the day - that should be enough. If you set clear expectations for her to help with planning and she agreed but is now flaking out, that is a different situation. I would have a conversation with her to let her know what you need help with and see what her capacity to help is. It sucks but if you didn't tell her what your expectations were when you asked her to be your MOH, you can't be upset if she isn't able to meet them. Everyone has different ideas of what being a MOH entails.

View Quoted Comment I honestly didn’t have any expectations for my MOH but she’s mentioned that MOHs are responsible for the bachelorette party and she would step up to take care of the planning for that with the bridesmaids help and of course mine.

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Okay, I understand. But, is the bachelorette party something that you still want to take place? Perhaps, she mentioned the bachelorette party before she started nursing school? Sometimes, things just don’t go as planned or expected. Just carefully think before asking her to step down being MOH.

View Quoted Comment We all agreed that it would be fun to have a bachelorette party. She knew nursing school was going to take over her time but still agreed to plan the party because she believed as a MOH that was part of her duty. Part of me believes that she probably won’t even make it to the bridal shower or bachelorette and I’ll be disappointed but I can’t blame her considering her situation.

She's important to you, so I wouldn't "fire" her, but you may have to let go of the idea of having a bachelorette or shower unless someone else steps up to plan it.

Your maid of honor is under zero obligation to help you plan. That is your fiancé’s responsibility. The extent of your maid of honor’s responsibilities are to purchase a dress and show up on the wedding day to support you. Everything beyond that is optional. Do not ask her to give up the maid of honor title unless you want to end the friendship.

I wouldn’t ask her to step down as MoH.

View Quoted Comment I’m not going to. I chose her as my MOH for a reason but I was under an impression that she would help out a little especially with the bachelorette party since she’s the one who brought up wanting to plan it. I didn’t really expect her to do anything else but be at the wedding and make a toast.

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"I’m thinking of just asking if she’d give up the title" isn't all that different to asking her to step down.

She may no longer be in a position to plan your bachelorette as she may be busy with her own life. I get the impression that what irks you is that she volunteered to plan your bachelorette and nothing has come into fruition.

Have a conversation with her and ask if she'd like you to take over planning it if she doesn't have the time to - it doesn't need to be dramatic but a simple 5 minute conversation so she knows she is off the hook and so that you can plan your bachelorette how you want it.

You already know she's busy so I don't get why you sound like your shocked. The bachelorette can be thrown by the bridesmaids too, there's no law stating that the MOH only can plan it. Could you ask your bridesmaids whether they could take care of it?
As long as your MOH buys an appropriate outfit, shows up on time on the day of and give a speech/toast since it sounds like she agreed to make one, then she won't have done anything wrong.

Hi have you reached out to her and asked her when will she have alittle time in her day or schedule to discuss a few things. And if she doesn't have that time then you will to discuss her role. I have 2 MOH'S they have different jobs too do so other 1 wouldn't feel overwhelmed. Because see some dont know what that means to what she has to do for the wedding duties.

View Quoted Comment Fully second this

View Quoted Comment I never had expectations for my moh in the beginning. She was the one to bring up wanting to plan certain things especially the bachelorette, so that’s what I expected. I’m not mad that I’m the one having to plan it now, I just wish I didn’t wait so long to take over cause now I’m struggling. So the other day I told her I was going to take over the planning and that she should just focus on her nursing degree and she apologized for not doing more. The rest of my bridesmaids are just going along with everything. I just didn’t want to put the pressure on my friend on being a moh because she wanted to do more but now can’t.

View Quoted Comment I'm happy that you both had a chance to talk and things are coming along have fun at your bridal shower