What to Do

Congratulations !!!

oh man, that's a tough situation -- what does your hubby think? is he thinking he can still be a groomsman?

How much time is he planning to spend OOT for the wedding?

First of all congratulations!!!

i would have your hubby commit and then follow up if he needs to drop out OR have him share the news with his best friend ONLY and let his bf know that he will play things by ear. there really no way to tell but another thing to consider is that what if you give birth a bit early, will you both be ok with him being out of town in the first weeks after you give birth? Postpartum can be so challenging.

CONGRATS! Such wonderful news. I would work it out so a loved one could be with you during this time (perhaps your mom or MIL) so that you won't be alone with the newborn if the baby is early. If the baby hasn't come, I wouldn't let your husband go to the wedding. I think he should talk to his friend about this possibility and see how the friend feels about him playing it by ear. The friend may be cool with it or may suggest he step down, and either seems fine.

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Thanks! Yes, he still plans on being a groomsman.

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The wedding is on a Saturday. The bachelor party is supposed to be Thursday so he would be flying there Wednesday after work then getting back home Sunday.

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That would make me really nervous because we don't live anywhere near family so it would be me by myself with the baby.

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What alisa suggested makes the most sense - to tell the friend that he wants to do it but come time, things might happen for the baby and so he might not be able to come if that's the case so things are by ear.

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Thanks! Neither of our families live near us. My parents own a business and my mom runs the office so she couldn't really leave to spend that long of a time with me while he is at the wedding. His mom would probably get on my last nerves. I love her dearly, but she tends to think she can do whatever she wants no matter what I say.

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I can definitely suggest it, but he seems pretty determined that he's still going to attend.

View Quoted Comment The best and worst thing about marriage is that the spouses no longer just get to make unilateral decisions, everything is done in partnership. If you are uncomfortable with the father of the child traveling while you are close to your due date, that should be really the end of the conversation imo.

I say this as someone who is due in 9 weeks. I wouldn’t let my husband get on a plane near my due date. Obviously covid currently adds a different layer to things than they might in March but it’s not something we’d be comfortable with. We’ve already decided that he won’t go do his fantasy football draft with his friends that’s an hour and a half drive away a few weeks before my due date. Everyone has to decide what they are comfortable with but it sounds like you aren’t comfortable with him going and you’re the one growing and delivering this baby.

Congratulations! Without family near to help ensure you would have someone to take you to the hospital and/or help with the baby, I wouldn’t be comfortable with him being out of town. Even if trying to hop the next flight home, it doesn’t guarantee he would make it home in time for you to give birth. It is too precious of a time for him to miss!

Congratulations! I think his bestfriend would understand him not being in the wedding because that is around your due date. You guys could ask for the wedding to be live streamed that way he could still see it. Me personally, I would have a problem if my fiance missed our babies delivery.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Once you guys are ready to announce, his friend should be understanding given the circumstances.

That does seem like a tough situation, but I would play it a little more by ear right now.

Congratulations! So first I will give you some bad advice. Depending on the week that you’re due, you could schedule a delivery date aka c section before he leave. Which then leaves you with a newborn baby by yourself. Here’s my good advice or what I think is good, you can definitely play it by ear but I think the best thing for him would be to stay home, or at least miss the bachelor party and just fly out for the wedding day and then fly back home if he must. Either way I’m sure it will all work out.

Can he talked to his friend about possibly not being in the wedding? I mean stuff happens and its likely theyll understand he wont want to be away from his 9 months pregnant wife. Especially since it was postponed, not like people are planning when to have babies around other peoples weddings lol

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Whew girl! suggesting she schedule a c-section for her FIRST birth to accommodate a wedding?? why why why? i get why you classified that as bad advice. even worse than leaving newly postpartum mom with a newborn, would be leaving a newly postpartum mom that just had major abdominal surgery alone with a baby.

View Quoted Comment I agree. Which is why its bad advice. I definitely don’t recommend her taking that bad advice and definitely hope her and her husband choose to take the other good advice which is for him to stay at home. She brought up 2 very specific points and then asked for advice. She said 1. I don’t want him to miss the birth of our first born. and 2. He doesn’t want to miss his best friends wedding. The only way you can have both of those two needs met is to schedule your delivery, which yes is obviously a horrible idea.